Now What?
by mcobsessed
Summary: AU Post 109. Mer leaves immediatley after Addison's arrival without looking back. But what if something pulls her back in? I stink summaries so PLZ READ! :D T for language
1. Chapter 1

_Chapter 1: Anniversary_

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy unfortanatley. But I do own certain characters that are obviously not apart of Grey's. (They remain unnamed until you read the chapter)  
ENJOY!**

_"Hi, I'm Addison Shepherd."  
__"Shepherd?"  
__"And you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband."_

Husband. The seven-letter, two-syllable word that defined who Dr. Derek James Shepherd was. Husband. The man who she had fallen in love with had a wife. The man who she wanted to maybe marry someday and have kids with. The man who she had sex with numerous times was…married. With a wife. A very pretty, gorgeous Isabella Rossellini look-a-like with curly red hair wife. How could he? SHE LOVED HIM! But it was too late now. The moment she found out, she ran. Ran far away from him and his…wife. To a place where he would never look. Not that he would try anyway. But again, she wouldn't know. The moment she left Seattle she changed everything from her phone number to the color of her hair. All except her name and her social security number. A) Because there was no way the government would let her change her SSN because of a lame reason such as: the man she loved has a wife and B) no one in Des Monies, Iowa would know who Meredith Grey is. Sure they would know who Ellis Grey is, but Meredith? No possible way.

It had been seven years exactly since that fateful day she had run away. Seven years since she had just packed (?) up her 'dark and twisty' life and started over. Moved away from her friends, co-workers, and tequila. Everything. She had tried to forget about that night from the moment she drove away from Seattle Grace to her house to pack up her things. She fought back tears as she dumped all her possessions in a suitcase and left, leaving a note for George and Izzie saying that the house was theirs now and that she had gotten a better job offer somewhere else. She didn't care how they would react. All she hoped was that she would never see them again. Ever. But they were the least of her worries. Cristina was the one she was really worried about. She thought it would be too hard to tell Cristina the whole story so she opted not to. She shunned everyone from her life, except one. The one who she never thought she would keep in touch with if and when she moved away. The one who they all called 'Dr. Evil Spawn' since the day that he was joined to Bailey's service. Bailey. "The Nazi". How had she taken Meredith's leaving (not that she cared)? Sometimes she would lie awake at night and hear Bailey's voice ringing in her ears. "GREY WHY AREN'T YOU IN SUTURES? GREY! Rough night Grey? Your personal life has no business in here Grey!" No one could say her name quite like the Nazi. Well there was one person, but he was out of her life now. He chose to be out of her life the moment his wife showed up. The moment she closed the door on her life at Seattle Grace.

There wasn't a moment that her heart didn't ache for her friends. She did miss them, she couldn't deny it. But what was she supposed to do? She'd have to face him everyday. He'd request her on his service every chance he'd get. Looking into those deep blue eyes would make her heart ache. Oh and don't forget the wife. Not only would she be avoiding one shepherd, but two. His wife would make her life a living hell. It wouldn't matter that she had had NO EFFIN CLUE that Derek even had a wife. She was the one after all who was "screwing her husband". So in her eyes, she had no choice but to leave. Leave Dark and Twisty Meredith behind and start over as Meredith Grey. Just…Meredith Grey for the time being.

She had to admit, starting out in a new city and a new hospital wasn't easy. Especially since the hospital was about ten steps down from Seattle Grace. It was still a Level I Trauma center but that didn't say much. She was about six months ahead of all the other interns when she joined their program. So she had to sit back and watch as the other interns learned how to do an ultrasound, sutures, triage, etc etc. But it was better than nothing, she guessed. She was always picked first on a surgery. She got to do her first craniotomy in her last year as an intern. All the other interns didn't dare mock or criticize her. Actually, they treated her like a god, which annoyed her after a while. She "graduated" first in her class as an intern, getting a perfect score on her exam. She quickly gained respect from all the residents and was even picked over fifth-years to do advanced procedures. As a third-year resident, she had already been nominated as Chief Resident, even though it was only reserved for sixth-years. From anyone's point of view her life would be perfect. Even Alex would comment on it whenever they talked. But what they didn't know was that inside was a crushed baby bird re-growing. A baby bird that was almost ready to fly now. Somedays, she wouldn't even think about him. His name would never cross her mind. There were far more of those days then of the others where she would lock her self in an on-call room and cry. Those days usually followed an extensive surgery where she knew that he would be teaching her. Standing over her shoulder, whispering instructions down her neck. But now, since she was a seventh-year resident and knew many talents, she didn't need his voice in her head. As far as she was concerned, she didn't need him in her life. But, on very special days like today, she couldn't' get him out of her mind.

------

The shrill sound of the alarm woke Meredith Grey up at four o'clock in the morning. Sure she loved being a surgeon, but the long and grueling hours are what sucked. Groaning she hit the snooze button and attempted to roll over and catch a few more minutes of sleep even if that meant that she would be late for work. But unfortunately that didn't happen on account of her cell phone ringing right when she pulled the covers over her head. Annoyed, she threw the covers back and reached across to the bedside table to see who the hell would be calling her at this time in the morning.

"Hello?" she answered groggily.

"Hey Mer."

"Alex…what could you possibly want at four o'clock in the morning?" Meredith snapped as she trudged out of bed and over to her dresser.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Stopping in front of her dresser she took the phone away from her ear and gave it a funny look as if she was looking at Alex himself.

"What do you mean you're making sure if I'm okay ?Of course I'm okay. I'm just tired and cranky because you woke me up!"

She knew Alex was rolling his eyes on the other line but she didn't care. It was his own damn fault for waking her up this early.

"You know perfectly well why I'm calling you so don't deny it." He snapped back.

Rolling her eyes, Meredith pulled out a pair of jeans and an olive green three quarter-sleeved shirt out of her dresser.

"Alex I honestly have no clue what you're talking about. Now if you don't mind I need to get dressed so I can go to work and save lives."

Alex sighed. He knew she was avoiding the subject, but that didn't mean that he had to give up.

"Mer, do you have any clue what today is?"

"No…should I?" she asked. "Is it Annabell's birthday? If it is tell her I said Happy Birthday. Now Alex I'm kinda late so if you don't mind-"

"Fine Mer. I'll let you go. Just, have a good day okay?"

Sighing she nodded.

"Yes father. Now go. Save lives!" she ordered.

Alex chuckled as he hung up the phone. Hearing the dial tone, Meredith did the same thing. Honestly, she didn't understand that man sometimes. He knew not to call her before 5 a.m. and here he was, calling her. Throwing the phone on the bed, she walked over to the bathroom and brushed all the knots out of her bed hair. Five minutes later, she was out the door carrying her cup of coffee and heading to work. But, no matter how much she tired, she couldn't understand why Alex called her so early in the morning. Since she had no calendar in her apartment, she had no clue what the date was. All she knew was that it was a Monday, the busiest day for the hospital.

Pulling out of her driveway, Meredith was blinded by the bright Iowa sun. Why she chose Iowa, she had no clue. All it was, was flat and full of farms and it hardly rained. She guessed that was the reason. The rain reminded her of _him_. Shaking her head, she vowed that she would never think of _him_ again. It had been seven years. Time to get over it.

As she drove onto the highway, she turned on the radio just as "The Clash" was playing. Quickly, she changed the station to some country station. Usually she hated country, but for some reason today she was in the mood for it. Driving down the highway, she began to rake her memory for a date, but nothing was coming to mind. She knew it was May 2010, but that was it. Exiting the highway, she made her way to Des Monies Baptist and pulled into her parking spot. Putting the car into park, she grabbed her cell phone and brought the calendar up. A little box was highlighted saying that it was the 25th. Twenty-fifth of May. She tried to remember whether or not there was anything special about today, but nothing came to mind. Concluding that Alex was an idiot, she slammed her phone shut and climbed out of her car, pushing the date and Alex out of her mind and prepared for a fulfilled day of surgery.

---

"Miller PIT, Jenkins you're with Rumphff today, Poll you're with me and Gonzalez you're on the code team."

Meredith barked out her orders to her interns and they scurried down the halls. This was one of the few things that she loved about her job: terrorizing interns. Turning around she saw that Dr. Hilary Poll was standing right behind her trying not to blink.

"What are you doing Poll?" Meredith asked annoyed already with her intern.

"N-Nothing Dr. Grey. Just waiting to-"

But the intern never got a chance to finish her sentence since at that exact moment Meredith's pager went off. Clipping it off her waistband she read that she was needed down in the ER. Trying to hide her excitement, she turned to the intern.

"Okay you will follow me. You will not touch the patient. You will not speak to the patient. You will not even speak inside the ER unless I instruct you to do so is that understood?"

The small intern nodded.

"You already screwed up once and that's on my head now. If you do that one more time I WILL have you kicked out. Now let's go."

Meredith turned and started to jog down the hall with the intern following at her heels.

As she got down to the ER, Meredith threw on the yellow protective gown and handed one to Dr. Poll as she was pulling on a pair of gloves. Doing the same thing, Meredith opened the doors to the ER to find it completely full.

"TRAUMA ROOM 2 DR. GREY!" a nurse yelled across the room. Nodding, Meredith turned and walked over to room 2. Throwing open the door, she saw a little girl lying on the bed, barely breathing.

"WHAT HAVE WE GOT!?" Meredith asked as she made her way over to the girl.

"Eight-year-old Jane Doe was in a car accident. Her seatbelt failed and the airbag was deployed. She's got a collapsed lung and she hit her head pretty hard. She's crashed twice already on us," said the EMT. Annoyed Meredith looked around.

"Well if she has a collapsed lung why haven't we intubated her, put in a central line and tried to reinflated it? And has anyone checked to see if there is any ID on this girl? Call her damn parents or guardians! Or did she drive here herself!?" Meredith snapped. No one said a word as they scurried around her doing what Meredith had said. As the girl was getting treated, Meredith took a closer look at her.

She was skinny for an eight-year-old. She had red curly hair that fell to her shoulders. Meredith thought she looked familiar, but she shook her head as she turned back to the chart.

"Okay Dr. Grey. How do you want to proceed?" asked the nurse. Looking up from the chart Meredith saw that the girl was indeed intubated and had a central line running to her lung. Clearing her throat she turned to her intern.

"Has someone been contacted?" she tested keeping a cold stare.

A small nursing student in the corner of the room nodded.

"The-the other passengers of the car wreck were admitted, but-but her Aunt has b-been called."

Meredith nodded as she to her intern.

"Go get a CT and an MRI. Page me with the results and then page Dr. Wilson."

The intern nodded as Meredith tore off her PPE and walked out the ER with the girl's face still in her mind. She looked oddly familiar, but she didn't know why. Walking to the nurse's station she saw a calendar on the desk. Studying it, she tried to figure out why today was so important.

Then it hit her. It was the anniversary of the day she had left Seattle. It was the 25th of May and it was exactly seven years after he had told her that he had a wife. No, has a wife. She was pretty sure they were still married now that she was out of the picture. Turning away from the station she made her way to an on-call room. She wanted to call Alex and yell at him, but that would be no use.

Right when Meredith reached the on-call room a nurse from the Trauma Room came running up to her.

"Dr. Grey there the Aunt is here to see about her niece. The girl who came in earlier."

Sighing Meredith nodded.

"Let me see her."

The nurse led Meredith down the hall to the hospital's waiting room. There pacing in the middle of the room was a lady in her mid-forties with brown wavy hair and puffy redness hiding the crystal blue color of her eyes. Meredith nodded to the nurse dismissing her as Meredith walked up to the panic-stricken lady.

"Ma'am." Meredith greeted.

The lady turned around to see Meredith standing there and she all but pounced on her.

"WHERE'S MY NEICE?" she demanded.

Meredith sighed.

"Ma'am, please let's sit down and talk about this." Meredith said gently.

"I WANT TO SEE MY NEICE DAMN IT! LET ME SEE MY NEICE! Oh her father is going to kill me. He didn't want her to come you know but her mother and I insisted. If he ever found out-"

"Ma'am. I really need you to calm down so I can tell you what's going on with your niece."  
The lady looked at Meredith and shut her mouth.

"Thank you. Well, when your niece came in, she was in pretty bad shape. Her lung and collapsed and she hit her head pretty hard on the dashboard. Apparently, her seatbelt didn't do so well in protecting her. We got her lung reinflated, but right now she's getting a CT and an MRI of her body to see if she has any internal damage. I'm sorry to say this, but she'll probably need surgery."

The lady nodded as tears welled up in her eyes.

"When will I get to see her Dr…"

"Grey. I'm Dr. Meredith Grey and I'll let you see her when she gets back from the scans. Trust me, your niece is in good hands."

The lady nodded and wiped away her tears.

"Thank you Dr. Grey."

Meredith smiled as she got up to leave.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't get your name." Meredith exclaimed. The lady smiled.

"I'm Denise Shepherd and my niece is Madeline Shepherd."

Meredith stood there in shock.

"Sh-Shepherd?"

The lady nodded as she sat back down and took out her phone. It then hit her. Meredith finally realized why the girl looked so familiar. Shaking her head, she turned and ran away from the woman with only one word running through her mind. Shit.

**PPE-Perosnal Protective Equipment**

_**A/N: HELLO! For all my 'old' readers, i welcome you back. I couldn't stay away from writing. I just finished a story about 2 days ago, but I'm so addicted to writing, i decided to come up with this. I hope you guys liked it. The idea just kinda popped in my head. Since this is the first A/N i will not ramble like i usually do ;D. But i will say this. I LOVE REVIEWS! reviews are the key to me updating. I can go periods of time w/o updating b/c of the hecticness of school and life (i'm a junior in high school). My key is 5 reviews or more I update. Seem fair enough? Good. Now, plz press that little button so I know to conitnue this story or not, and we'll see how it goes:D**_

_**Remember 5+ ReviewsA new chapter :DDDD**_


	2. Nightmare

**Ch 2. Nightmare**

"Shit, this girl is going to bleed out if we don't get in there soon." Meredith said under her breath as she held up Madeline's CT scans to the florescent light. Ever since Meredith made the connection with Madeline, she knew that this wasn't just an ordinary patient. Not only was she eight years old but she was now forcing Meredith to go back to her past. The same past that she was trying so hard to forget. A past that she had all but taken a magic eraser to and wiped it away from her memory.

"Umm Dr. Grey? How do you want to proceed?" asked the intern. Having been snapped out of her thoughts Meredith handed the scans back over to Dr. Poll.

"Book OR 2 and page Dr. Wilson. Tell him that I'll meet him there in 15 minutes. I need a little time to think things over before I slice that girl's brain open."

Expecting the intern to go away, Meredith turned her back to her and took out her cell phone. Dialing a number, she turned around to see Dr. Poll still in the doorway.

"Why are you still standing here?" Hissed Meredith.

"Dr. Grey, you always tell us not to get too attached to our patients but-"

"Dr. Poll if you are implying that I am getting attached to this patient then you better hope I don't kick your sorry ass out onto the street. This is an eight year-old girl who is DYING! Eight years old. Do you know what happens at eight years old? She starts to grow up. If we don't operate on this girl, she will die. She will never know what she was going to grow up to be. She will never reach puberty. She will never have sex or get married or have kids. Her first crush is probably waiting for her back home, just waiting to see if she'll ever as him out! So no I am not attached to this patient, I'm just saying that a girl like this needs to grow up and become something other then what her jackass of a father became!"

The moment the last sentence left Meredith's mouth, her whole body went cold. The intern gave her a weird look before slowly nodding her head.

"S-sorry Dr. Grey. I-I'll go page Dr. Wilson right now."

Giving Meredith another strange look, Dr. Poll walked out of the room, leaving Meredith standing there.

She couldn't' believe what she had just said. After yelling at Dr. Poll about not being attached, she tells her that she is attached. How could she not be? She was Derek's daughter for crying out loud. She had his face, his eyes, his lips, his nose, his EVERYTHING! Except the color of his hair. Hers was red like her mothers, but it was still curly. Just looking at the curls sent a shiver down Meredith's back as she resisted the temptation to run her fingers through them. Now she had to shave off her beautiful curls just to save her life. Maybe that was a good thing. One less thing to remind Meredith of the girl's father. Oh who was she kidding? Everything about this girl reminded Meredith of Derek. Derek. Alex!

Remembering what she was going to do right before the intern tested Meredith's patience she again went to her phone and pressed the call button as she closed the door to the exam room. After two rings, she heard a voice on the other end.

"Hello?"

"HOW DARE YOU!" Meredith screeched.

There was a silence on the other end before Alex continued.

"Meredith?"

"Oh don't' you dare 'Meredith' me. You called me at four o'clock to ask me if I was okay and then this happens! "HOW DARE YOU!"

"Mer, calm down. I have no clue what you are talking about."

Closing her eyes, Meredith took in a deep breath before continuing.

"Alex, when I left Seattle I trusted you. I told you that I didn't want you to tell me anything about Derek or Addison. Just a few updates on how Izzie, George, and Christina were doing and that's it."

"Yes, and I have. Now what's the problem here?" asked Alex, very confused.

"THE PROBLEM IS THAT YOU HAVE NO BRAINS! NONE WHATSOEVER! I TOLD YOU NO NEWS ON DEREK AND ADDISON, AND YET YOU CALL ME EVERY ANNIVERSARY OF MY LEAVING TO SEE IF I'M OKAY!"

"Oooook." Alex said, trying to connect the dots. "But, this isn't why your mad is it?"

"HE HAS A DAUGHTER!!!!!!!!????"

There was silence on the other end of the phone. Silence except for the soft pounding in the background that sounded like Alex hitting his head against a counter.

"You know?" he finally asked a few seconds later.

"No shit I know!" Meredith gritted through her teeth.

"H-h-how?" he stuttered.

Meredith sighed.

"She got in a car accident. Apparently she's here visiting one of _his _stupid sisters and she got in a car accident. Right now she's being prepped for surgery. Alex I'm about to cut into Derek's daughter's BRAIN!"

Again silence.

"Alex, you have any clue how close I am to killing you right now."

"ME? WHAT DID I DO?"

"YOU DIDN'T TELL ME HE HAD A DAUGHTER!"

"YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR ANY NEWS ABOUT HIM!"

"SO? THAT MEANS THAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TELL ME BIG AND IMPORTANT NEWS SUCH AS THIS!"

Alex sighed.

"Mer, what difference would it have made? It's not like if I would have told you, you would have come back to Seattle. Trust me I thought about it. Several times. I was to the point of having your number dialed but chickening out. I thought it was best if you didn't know," he said softly.

Meredith was now sitting on top of the counter crying.

"Mer?" Alex asked softly.

Meredith wiped a tear from her eyes before talking into the phone.  
"I'm sorry. I wasn't actually yelling at you. I just needed someone to vent on. Alex, she looks exactly like him. His sister called him. He might be coming over here. What do I do? I have to cut into her brain or else she'll die. And if she dies, he'll come and kill me. Personally!"

"Meredith listen to me. Everything will be fine. All you need to worry about is saving that girl's life. When you make that first cut, don't be thinking that it's Madeline Shepherd. Think that it's just another eight-year-old girl who needs your help. She won't die and everything will be fine ok?"

Meredith nodded.

"I can see why Izzie married you now." Meredith chuckled. Even thought she couldn't see him, she knew he was blushing.

On the other line, Meredith heard a faint beeping noise followed by one of her own.

"Shit I gotta go." They said simultaneously.

After sharing a quick laugh, they said good-bye and hung up the phone. Grabbing her pager, Meredith saw that it was Dr. Poll telling her that she was ready for her. Taking a deep breath, Meredith did something that she had never done before.

_Oh Dear Jesus, please let me get through this surgery with out Madeline crashing. Amen _

Closing her eyes, Meredith took another deep breath before exiting the room, and headed for a career- and life-changing surgery.

----

"Ok, I'm putting—putting in these sponges to absorb the excess fluid for when the swelling goes down. Now all I have to do now is—"

Right when Meredith was about to close up, the vital machines started to go haywire as Madeline's heart went into V-tech  
"Shit—But I—uh"

"DR. GREY! HOW ARE YOU GOING TO PROCEED?" yelled Dr. Wilson over the chaos of the OR.

Swearing one more time Meredith looked back into Madeline's brain. It was starting to pool up with blood again.

"She ruptured another aneurism. Okay, I need you guys to push one of epee and then start compressions!" ordered Meredith after composing herself. Dr. Poll nodded as she started to pump the young girls' chest. Going back into the brain, Meredith searched frantically for the aneurism, but she couldn't find it. And as if things weren't going bad enough, Madeline's heart still wasn't improving.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON DOWN THERE?" She demanded.

"She's—not—im—proving!" growled Dr. Poll still trying to do her compressions.

Frustrated, Meredith pushed the intern out of the way and started compressions on her own.

"Dr. Grey? What about her brain?" snapped Dr. Wilson.

"Dr. Wilson, if this girl's heart doesn't start her brain won't be a problem now will it?" Meredith snapped to the attending. Shutting his mouth, he instead moved to the brain, to try to find the source of the bleeding while Meredith dealt with the heart.

"C'MON DAMNIT! WORK!" Frustrated, Meredith turned to a near by scrub nurse. "GIVE ME THE PADDLES!"

Nodding obediently, the nurse handed Meredith the AED and Meredith prepared to shock the little girl.

"OKAY CLEAR!" Meredith pushed the shock button of the AED and Madeline's chest rose off the table and came back down. There was a moment where she was still in V-Tech , but her heart rate came back down. Sighing Meredith handed the paddles back to the nurse but then turned her back on the scene.

"Dr. Grey? What are you doing?" hissed Dr. Wilson. Meredith just shook her head and stayed where she was. After a few minutes and a few deep breaths, Meredith returned to her brain, ignoring the strange stares she was given.

"Tenblade," she whispered as the nurse handed over the surgical instrument as she continued her quest on fixing not only Derek's daughter, but also a small girl who had warmed her way into a special place in Meredith's heart.

---

Denise was pacing Madeline's room while her niece was in surgery. Denise had gone from sleeping in the chair, to cleaning the room, and now was talking to her brother on the phone.

"No no Derek clam down! She's in—no Derek!"

But she couldn't get another word in. Apparently he had hung up on his sister. As she fell back into the chair she flipped her phone closed. Sighing she rubbed her temples, hoping that her brother didn't mean what he said about coming over and killing not only her, but her friend for putting Madeline into danger. Suddenly, there was a quiet knock at the door. Opening her eyes, Denise saw Meredith and her intern standing at the door with Dr. Wilson behind them.

"Denise," addressed Meredith. Quickly standing up, Denise rushed over to Meredith, trying to read her.

"Is—is she…dead?"

Meredith smiled.

"No, she's not dead. She came out of the surgery well. We did have a small scare though when I was closing up, but she pulled through it. She does have some swelling in her brain though. I did all that I could, but she might need another surgery if the swelling doesn't go down. She hit her head in the wrong spot during the accident."

Denise covered her mouth as tears started to stream down her face. Touching Denise's shoulder, Meredith continued.

"When Madeline hit her head, it burst an aneurism. An aneurism is like a small balloon in the brain. It's bad enough alone, but when it bursts it usually leads to death. Luckily we stopped the bleeding just in time. At the moment I don't know if there are any side affects, but we'll have to watch her closely for the next few days."

Nodding Denise wiped away her tears and then pulled Meredith into a huge hug. Letting out a huge breath,

"Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you." Denise whispered over and over in Meredith's ear.

Pulling away Meredith looked Denise in the eyes for the first time. But the moment she did, she had to tear her gaze away. Looking into her eyes reminded her of Derek. Her eyes were the exact same as Derek's.

"I—I'm sorry. I—I have to go. Madeline should be here in a few seconds. I—I'll come back later."

Meredith turned and walked out of the room, heading for the nearest on-call room.

Wrenching the door open, Meredith flung her self on the nearest bed as she let the tears run down her face. Trying to breathe only resulted in her hyperventilating. Searching for a bag, she found one in the desk and started to breathe into it. After a few slow breaths, she regained her breathing, but tears still continued to fall. Pulling out her cell phone, she once again dialed Alex's phone number, but all she got was his voicemail.

"Hey this is Dr. Alex Karev. I'm probably in surgery, sleeping, or spending time with my lovely wife and daughter. Leave me your name and number and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. BEEP"

"Alex, it's me Meredith. I think made the biggest mistake of my life."

Closing her phone, Meredith laid back into the pillows closing her eyes, hoping that all this was a dream. Hoping that she was going to wake up back in Seattle without Derek. Hoping that he never existed and that she had never ran away. Hoping that this nightmare would end.

**_A/N: I'm sure you all still have ?'s like you did last chapter lol. Feel free to review/PM me about them and i'll answer them as best I can w/o giving away the story. So hope you guys liked this. I usually don't update this fast fyi. But since it's a new story...i felt like i needed to. I want to thank you all for giving me 10 reviews!!!!!!! that's so awsome! plz plz PLZ keep it up! School is going to b starting again on monday, so that means updates are restricted to weekends usually. sorry, maybe weekdays if i don't have a lot of hw psh as if..i'm a junior in high school lmao so yes. PlZ REVIEW!!! i know this chapter wasn't hte best, but there will be more good ones to come. _**

**_5+ reviews make me happy and mabye even a new chapter on tuesday :DDDDD  
HOPE EVERYONE HAD A GREAT THANKSGIVING AND A GREAT SHOPPING WEEKEND:DDDD for the ppl in the states that is...i love all my foregin readers 2...:D_**


	3. Holy Shit

**_Ch. 3: Holy Shit_**

**_It's September 28, 2010_**

**_Disclaimer: As you probably figured out by now I don't own Grey's Anatomy but I do own Madeline, Denise, Dr. Poll, Dr. Wilson, and Nurse Koeller. ;D_**

Stepping into her messy apartment, Meredith threw her keys on the counter and walked over to her answering machine and plugged her cell phone in. Suddenly, the little red light was blinking fanatically as she pressed the playback button while picking up her mail and sifting through it.

To any outsider, Meredith would have looked like an ordinary person who just got home from a long day at work. But to anyone who actually knew her, they would know something was very wrong. First, she never threw her keys on the counter. They usually stayed in her labcoat pocket, which would be thrown on the ground and at 4 in the morning she'd be on her hands and knees looking for her goddamn keys. Second, she never checked her messages. The little red light had been blinking for the past month because she didn't want to hear about her missed appointments or her coworker's problems. And third, she had a pile of junk mail on her kitchen counter waiting to be sorted. The only mail she opened and looked at was letters from Alex and bills. Sitting down in a chair, she listened to the first message while throwing away magazine subscriptions and ads.

"First unread message was sent Today at 10:45 p.m.…BEEP…Hey Mer it's me Alex. I just got your message. I was in surgery so I couldn't come to the phone. Ummm, give me a call back when you get this I guess. I'm on call tonight so I won't have to sneak away from Izzie. Okay well…Bye I guess…BEEP."

Dropping her mail, Meredith walked over to the answering machine and was about to press the erase button when a second message came up.

"Next unread message was sent May 20, 2003 at 9:45 p.m.…Beep…Hey Meredith, it's uh Derek. I-I don't know where you went, but if you could give me-"

But Meredith didn't get a chance to listen to the rest of the message. She pressed the erase button before his voice filled the room again.

Why hadn't the damn cell phone erase the message? It was 7 years old! It should have erased it! And why now did it decide to come up now when she had checked her messages before this one time in the past 7 years. Shaking her head, she decided that her cell phone was stupid and it was defective before dumping the rest of her mail into the trash (besides the one bill). Disconnecting her cell phone from the answering machine, she walked to her bedroom and flopped down on her bed, not bothering to get out of her scrubs. It had been a very long day and she couldn't' see how it could get any worse. Rolling over to her side she opened her cell phone and dialed Alex's number. Lying in bed she listened to the rings on the other line, praying he wouldn't pick up.

"H-Hello?" answered a groggy Alex Karev.

"Shit-hey Alex, its Mer." Meredith answered quietly turning over on her side.

"Oh, hey Mer. Sorry, I was just yawn sleeping."

"Oh, if this is a bad time then I'll just-"

"No no it's fine. I needed to get up anyway. So what's up? I got your message. What's wrong?"

Meredith sighed.  
"Alex…it's been 7 years today. I don't know why it's hitting me this hard. I guess because of his freakin daughter. But 7 years. 7 years that of which his name rarely crossed my mind. 7 years of when someone says 'Derek Shepherd' I respond 'Who?' because I've forgotten who he is. 7 years and I _now_ realize it was a mistake."

There was silence on the other line before Alex spoke up.

"What was a mistake?"

"MOVING! SLEEPING WITH HIM! MEETING HIM! EVERYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH DEREK JAMES SHEPHERD!" Meredith shouted into the phone.

"Oh." Answered Alex quietly.

Meredith closed her eyes and took a deep breath rolling onto her back.

"Alex, you don't understand. Looking into his daughter's eyes brings back the year of our internship. She looks exactly like him!"

"You should see her when she smiles." Alex added.

Meredith groaned.

"Alex what am I supposed to do? Move again?" Meredith asked.

Alex was silent on the other end. He knew that she would never move back to Seattle, but then again seeing his daughter everyday was like seeing Derek again.

"Mer, just think. She'll be out of the hospital in a couple of weeks and you'll be free." He finally answered.

"Alex, again you don't understand. Ever since Madeline came in, all I see is his face. Every where. All the time. I close my eyes and he's smiling at me!"

"Mer…I don't know what to say." Alex confused.

Meredith fell back into her pillows. She opened her mouth to say something but her pager cut her off.

"I thought you weren't on call tonight." Stated Alex.

"I'm not." Answered Meredith confused. She reached for her pager and read the small tiny screen then she dropped her pager.

"Mer? Meredith? You still there?"

"She's coding. ALEX DEREK'S DAUGHTER IS CODIng! HE'LL KILL ME IF SHE DIES!"

"Then go!" he ordered.

Without saying bye she hung up on him, ran out of the room, picked up her lab coat and ran out the door, hoping that Madeline wasn't dead when she got there.

---

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE???" Meredith bellowed as she entered Madeline's room. It has obviously just gotten under-control since a steady heartbeat was echoing into the room. Meredith's hair was standing up in odd places and she had just driven 20 miles over the speed limit and cut off more cars than she could count to get to this very spot before her patient died. To say she was livid was a bit of an understatement. In the corner of the room was Denise crying her eyes out onto a nurse's scrubs. No one said a word as Meredith walked over to Madeline's chart.

"WELL?" she roared. Dr. Poll tentatively stepped up to Meredith, scared out of her mind.

"I-I was g-g-giving her her-meds and she-she went into V-Fib." The intern stammered. Walking over to the small girl Meredith studied her vitals.

"Take her down to CT and MRI. I don't care whose in there at the moment. Kick them out. Tell them I said so and if they have a problem with that they can take it up with me." Meredith growled.

Dr. Poll nodded as she disconnected Madeline's wires and wheeled her out of the room. Once the room was cleared out Meredith ran her fingers through her hair. Only then did she remember that Denise was still in the room.

"Ms. Sh-Shepherd I'm so sorry about what you just had to witness. Trust me, we're doing everything we can to get Madeline better." Meredith said in a completely opposite tone of voice that she had used only 60 seconds earlier.

"Maddie." Whimpered Denise.

"Excuse me?" Meredith asked.

"Maddie. She hates being called Madeline. Her father calls her Mads."

Meredith nodded. She could picture that. Derek calling his daughter as she ran across the field with the trailer and the lake into his arms. A lone tear ran down Meredith's cheek but she quickly brushed it away.

"He's coming you know." Whispered Denise breaking Meredith's train of thought.

"Excuse me?" Meredith asked bewildered.

"He's coming. He can't stand being away from her this long while she's in this condition. I had just got off the phone with him when she…stopped breathing. He's coming the day after tomorrow."

Meredith nodded. The thought of Derek Shepherd entering this hospital made her stomach do a flip. The thought of him walking through the same hallways that that she does everyday. He would be here looking at her, smelling her, probably even yelling at her. Meredith thought she was going to be sick at that moment.

"Excuse me." Meredith smiled as she ran walked out of the room then ran down the hall to the nearest bathroom. She ran over to the sink and turned on the water full blast, slashing some on her face. After a few minutes she turned off the water and looked at her self in the mirror. She looked like a bomb just exploded. Her hair was standing even worse than before and her eyes were red and puffy. Trying to breathe, she walked over to the paper towels and dried her face before opening the door, almost bumping into Dr. Poll.

"That was fast." Meredith said coldly as she started to walk away seeing that her intern didn't have the results in her hands.

"I-I didn't get a chance to get the tests. She started to seize in the middle of the CT scan." Dr. Poll answered jogging to keep up. Meredith stopped dead in her tracks and faced her intern.

"Where is she now?" Meredith asked icily.

"She's-she's being wheeled down to OR 1." Dr. Poll whispered. Meredith's expression turned livid again.

"She's entering surgery with you consulting me?" Meredith said icily.

The intern looked like she was about to collapse in tears.

"D-Dr. Wilson said to."

Outraged, Meredith turned and walked over to the nearest nurse's station punching in the numbers for OR1.

"Nurse Koeller." Answered a scrub nurse.

"If Dr. Wilson so much as looks at a scalpel I'll kill him." Meredith growled into the phone.

"Dr. Grey?" asked the nurse.

"No shit it's Dr. Grey. Put him on the phone now."

The nurse didn't need to be told twice. Meredith could hear the passing of the phone before Dr. Wilson came on the line.  
"Grey you do know that I'm an attending right?" asked Dr. Wilson.

"If you asking if I'm scared of you, then your dead wrong. If you cut open my patient I will kill you."

"Dr. Grey she's seizing. To me that means that this girl needs surgery."

"YOU'RE CUTTING BLIND! YOU COULD KILL HER!" Meredith screamed into the phone. Everyone around her looked up, but she didn't care. There was no way in hell she was going to let Madeline Shepherd die.

"Fine, do whatever you want. It's your funeral." Dr. Wilson snarled into the phone before hanging up. Meredith slammed the phone down on the receiver and turned to Dr. Poll. Closing her eyes, Meredith gave her intern instructions as calmly as possible.

"Get Madeline Shepherd from OR 1 and take her down to CT. Page me when you get the results." Meredith said barely above a whisper. Scared to say anything the intern nodded before turning and running down the hall. Running her fingers through her hair, Meredith slid down the nurse's station and put her head in her hands before she started to sob uncontrollably.

**_A/N: OMFG I'M SOOOOOOO SORRY!!!! I PROMISED ALL OF U AN UPDATE ON TUESDAY AND IT'S SUNDAY!!! PLZ PLZ PLZ FORGIVE ME!!!! I had a crap load of hw to do and I didn't understand it and lk a paper due Thursday!!!!! I wanted to update but w/ hw I couldn't!!! again i'm sorry!!!!!! I hope you guys liked this chapter though. It's short and I had no clue what to write so it's kinda crappy. I wanted to put something in there, but I had to refrain my self from doing so :(. I know you probably hate me but it's only the 3rd chapter so plz don't quit on me now. I've gotten the most reviews that i've ever gotten on one chapter last chapter. PLZ KEEP THEM UP AND I'LL STOP W/ THE FALSE PROMISES!!!!!  
5+ reveiws plz and I might actually update this wk!!!! I"ve got a lot going on so we'll see. Also, if you review I'll read something of urs. If i'm already reading a story, I'll read a one shot or if your story is new I'll just on the bandwagon:D_**


	4. Confusion

**Ch. 4: Confusion**

**_A/N: It's Monday in the story ;D_**

Meredith carried her tray to an empty table on the other side of the cafeteria and sat down. She didn't even bother to open up the container holding the old, dried out salad because she knew that she wasn't going to eat it. Pushing it away from her, she leaned back in the chair and closed her eyes. It had been a long morning with Madeline's surgery. She gave them another scare while closing up, but Meredith was able to bring her back. Now Meredith was scared that she may need more surgeries and she didn't know how Maddie was going to do in them. Opening her eyes slowly she looked around the cafeteria. Since it was noon, the cafeteria was full with interns, nurses, and worried families sprawled out over the place. Meredith actually hated eating in the cafeteria. Just seeing the groups of interns brought back memories of Seattle and everytime she sat at a table, laughter filled her ears. But now she had no where to go. She was scared to go into her office just in case someone came looking for her or an on-call room because once she closed her eyes, she knew that her pager would go off. So, the cafeteria for now was her safe haven.

A light rain was falling outside, but the sun was shining through the clouds, which meant the rain wouldn't last long. It was one of those teaser showers that fooled a lot of people in Des Monies. But Meredith knew better. She knew what real rain was. How it sounded, the way it hit a window or your shoulders as you ran to your car from a long 48-hour shift. This was nothing.

Sighing, Meredith stood up and walked over to the trashcan, throwing away her untouched food. Turning back around, Meredith headed back to the table when loud sobbing caught her attention. Searching for the source of the crying, Meredith's eyes fell upon Denise. Even though her mind was telling her to walk away, her feet were leading her over to the table.

"Denise?" Meredith said quietly.

Denise raised her head at Meredith's voice, but seeing her only made her cry harder. Sitting down, Meredith put her arm around Denise and rubbed her back. After a few minutes, the sobs started to die down.

"I-I'm sorry." Denise said hoarsely.

"No, it's okay. I can't imagine what you're going through right now. You have every right to cry." Meredith said trying to sound comforting. Denise nodded as she took out a tissue and blew her nose.

"I just got off the phone with my brother."

The words stung Meredith like a bee, but she tired not to let her emotions show.

"He can't make it. There was no way that he could get off, even though it is his daughter. He started to yell into the phone about how the doctors here are stupid and incompetent. I tried to tell him otherwise, but he didn't listen. Then I started to cry and he hung up."

This prompted Denise to cry again.

"I-I couldn't get-a-single-w-word in. He-he wouldn't le-let me s-say any-anything." She sobbed. Meredith nodded as she started to rub Denise's back again.

"He's probably just frustrated. He can't see his daughter and being the best neurosurgeon in the country and he can't do anything to help. I'm just really surprised that he couldn't get off." Meredith said, trying not to sound happy.

Denise nodded.

"He was too. The Chief had told him that he was good to go, especially since Maddie's getting worse, but apparently this case came in and it requires his full attention, even though all his attention will be here."

Meredith nodded. She knew the Chief of Surgery personally at Seattle Grace. She couldn't possibly see why he wouldn't let Derek come. Maybe because he'd go crazy and operate on Maddie himself. But secretly, Meredith was celebrating inside. Now, she wouldn't have to see him.

Suddenly, Denise's phone started to ring bringing Meredith back to reality.

"I'm sorry, it's Madeline's mother. I have to take this." Denise sniffed.

"Of course." Meredith said as Denise answered the phone and walked away.

Meredith sighed. She had just been told that she wasn't going to see Derek Shepherd. She knew that she shouldn't' be this happy, for Maddie's sake, but she couldn't help it. Now she could go on and try to treat Maddie without the thought of Derek coming looming in the back of her mind.

Through all of Meredith's thinking, she didn't hear her own Chief of Surgery come up and sit down next to her.

"Dr. Grey, we need to talk."

Meredith jumped a little bit at the sound of the Chief's voice.

"Chief I didn't hear you come up!" She said startled.

"Dr. Grey…" He started, ignoring Meredith's comment.

Meredith didn't say a word. His face was very tired and weary. The moment she looked at his face, she knew what he was going to say and it was the last thing she wanted to hear.

"Dr. Grey, you know why I'm here." He spoke softly.

"Chief Swanson with all due respect, I've got patients to go check up on." Meredith said, standing up trying to avoid what he was going to say.

"Meredith, sit down." He said sternly.

Meredith sighed and slowly lowered her self back into the seat.

"Meredith, you have Derek Shepherd's daughter in this hospital." He started.

Meredith cringed at the name. It was one of the first time's she had heard his name coming from someone else's mouth and she hated it. After no response from Meredith, the Chief continued.

"Mer, what are you planning to do about it?"

The moment the words left his mouth, it was like someone lit a fire in Meredith's stomach.

"What am I planning to do about? What do you mean by that? You don't' think I'm putting 200 of my energy into this girl trying to save her life? Not to mention I've got other patients who are depending on me? You don't think that I've got another surgeon's daughter in my hands at the very moment and she's slipping in-between my fingers everytime I put a scalpel to her brain?" Meredith growled.

Chief Swanson sighed.

"Dr. Grey you know that's not what I meant." He said calmly.

Meredith shook her head as she looked away. She was seriously getting annoyed with him, even though every word that came out of his mouth was true.

"Meredith you know that we don't have the technology here to treat her. Face it we're in the middle of no where. No wonder she's coding whenever you close up."

Tears were coming to Meredith's eyes but she quickly wiped them away. She was the most respected doctor at the hospital, so crying in front of the Chief of surgery would not look good. But he was right. Des Monies Baptist had no where near the right tools to fix Madeline.

"Your right." Meredith whispered. "There is no possible way that Madeline Shepherd can get well while admitted here at Des Monies Baptist."

The Chief nodded.

"Ya." He said.

It was quiet for a few minutes, each one scared of what to say.

"Well, you know what we have to do." The Chief finally said.

Meredith nodded.

"We have to transfer her somewhere else." Meredith breathed.

The Chief nodded.

"The sooner the better."

Meredith didn't want to agree, even though she knew this was coming from the first surgery Madeline had.

"Ya." She simply said, tears evident in her voice.

Again there was silence, each person thinking of what to do. Actually, only the Chief was thinking. Meredith knew exactly what to do but doing it went against everything she had believed in. Clearing his throat, Meredith's train of thought was broken as her attention turned back to the Chief.

"Well, the way I see it there are two options to this." The Chief said slowly. "One, we keep her here and we bring the second best neurosurgeon in the country here to work on her since she is the daughter of the best."  
Meredith had no reaction to this. She had just been told that Derek couldn't come and now the Chief is suggesting that he come anyway?

"Or two, we fly her over to Boston General where I know a guy who specializes in this kind of trauma."

Meredith nodded as she contemplated the two suggestions. Each one was good, but not good enough. Meredith was the kind of doctor who gave her patients nothing less than the best. That's why she was the best. So she knew, that the two options would work, but she wouldn't settle for them. Taking a deep breath Meredith proposed her idea.

"Chief, both of those are really great ideas, but…I can't let you put Madeline through them." Meredith started.

Seeing the look on the Chief's face, she continued.

"No disrespect, I'm sure your friend is great, but from what I've heard, Boston General isn't the top of the line hospital. I want Madeline Shepherd to have the best care that she can get. That's why I think we should send her to…Seattle Grace."

Saying the last two words brought pain to Meredith.

The moment she stepped into her car and drove off to Des Monies 7 years ago, she vowed never to go back. Now she was telling the Chief she wanted to. She looked up into his eyes, trying to read him, since he didn't say anything but his face was saying so many things.

"Chief?"

"You'll leave Wednesday." Was all he said.

Meredith was a little shocked.

"W-What?"

The Chief sighed.

"Meredith, we both know, you more than me, that Seattle Grace as the foremost nuero-technology in the country. Plus, Madeline would be close to home with her mom and dad. I don't know why we didn't think of this sooner."

Meredith tried to smile, but she couldn't. She didn't think that the Chief would take it this well. But before she could say anything, the Chief was already standing up.

"I'll arrange the helicopter for you. This gives you a day and a half to get ready. It may be too much. If you need to leave sooner, then leave, but for now, you leave Wednesday."

"Wait, I'm going?"

Meredith knew this was a stupid question, but she had to know.

"Yes you. You're Madeline's doctor. You have to go. Unless, for some reason you can't."

"Except for the fact that Madeline's father is my exboyfriend and I left Seattle because he had a wife and now all of a sudden a daughter. No no ready at all." Meredith said under her breath.

"What was that Dr. Grey?" the Chief asked confused.

"Nothing, I'll be ready by Wednesday." Meredith said confidently.

The Chief nodded and walked away. Meredith closed her eyes and sank back in her chair, all of a sudden feeling dizzy. In the course of 20 minutes she had just been told that she wasn't going to see Derek, then being told that she was going to see him because it's his daughter's last hope.

"Could this day get any worse?" Meredith whispered to her self.

"Meredith?"

Turning around, Meredith locked eyes with a tall man walking her way. Her mouth hung wide open as her mind went totally blank as the man came closer to her.

**_A/N: Whose the mystery guy??? hmmmm. i'm so sorry for not updating last wkend. So much stuff going on. I'm surprised I was able to update this weekend. I made this thing called Region Orchestra where the top players in the San Antonio and surrounding areas play. So we had a 3 hour clinic Friday night, an all day clinic Saturday, and a concert Saturday afternoon. Sunday was a girl scout mtg and golf practice and no hw got done. but yay i updated. X-MAS BREAK NXT WK! So i should b updating more!!!!! I'm still reading a lot of your stories, so look for reviews on that. I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE FOR ALL THE REVIEWS! KEEP THEM COMING AND PLEASE DON'T QUIT ON ME!!!  
5+ gets me to start writing and gets me to update on Sunday since that's offically my second day of break!_**


	5. Reminiscing

**Ch. 5: Reminiscing**

_**A/N: I hope you guys won't be too mad me w/ this chapter!**_

"_Could this day get any worse?" Meredith whispered to her self. _

"_Meredith?"_

_Turning around, Meredith locked eyes with a tall man walking her way. Her mouth hung wide open as her mind went totally blank as the man came closer to her._

"Meredith?" the guy asked again.

Meredith couldn't form any words. It had been 7 years since she's seen him and now he just shows up out of the blue? Sure she's talked to him over the phone over a million times (including yesterday), but still, she hadn't seen him in person since her last shift at Seattle Grace. What was she supposed to say? Do? Think?

"Alex…what-what…I just, what are you doing here?" Meredith scrambled to form a sentence. Alex gave her a puzzled look and pulled up a chair next to her.

"What do you mean? Didn't I tell you that I was coming?" asked Alex casually leaning back into the chair.

Meredith, still surprised was speechless, but shook her head.

"Oh, well…whoops" he said shrugging.

Finally, Meredith snapped out of her trance and began to yell at him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She hissed. "You have no right to be here. You have a wife and a daughter at home. We agreed that we'd only talk on the phone. Seeing each other in person is just too much. Alex, _I _need you to go home!"

Alex stared at her for a moment and then sighed.

"Mer, I can understand what you're feeling-"

"Oh do you?" Meredith snapped.

Alex gave her a look and then continued.

"Mer you should see Derek-"

"Don't say his name!"

"WOULD YOU LET ME FINISH A DAMN SENTENCE?" Alex yelled.

Frowning, Meredith sat back in her chair and crossed her arms, allowing him to continue.

"Meredith, Derek is walking around like a dead person. I haven't seen him like this since…" There was an awkward silence before Alex cleared his throat and continued. "He's even avoiding Addison. He won't talk to her; he won't acknowledge her presence, hell he won't even look at her because of Madeline. Mer, I need to know if Maddie is alright or not."

Meredith's face had relaxed at that last sentence. Even though he didn't say it, she knew that Madeline Shepherd had a special place in Alex's heart. Maybe she was Annabell's best friend, maybe Alex had become _his_ new bestfriend and he cared about Maddie a lot. But she shouldn't care. She was just the doctor who was trying to fix an 8-year-old girl with the last name of Shepherd.  
"She's stable at the moment." Meredith whispered. "But not for long. I think this is the longest I've gone without getting a call from my intern. Alex, everytime I go into her brain, she codes. No CT, MRI, or X-ray in the world will tell me what's wrong with her. I've got to be missing something, but I just don't know what. I give her 5 more days, maybe not even that unless I find out what's going on."

Alex nodded, trying to take in everything Meredith was saying.

"What does the attending think?" he asked after several minutes. Meredith scoffed at Alex's question.

"I _am_ the attending as far as this place is concerned. I know more things than they ever will."

Alex nodded. He knew Meredith was ahead of all the other doctors, but he didn't know that she was performing major brain surgery on her own as a resident.

"Mer, I need an answer on what's going to happen to Maddie." Alex whispered.

Meredith furrowed her eyebrows, trying to make the connection.

"What's the deal here? Is Maddie like Annabell's best friend or something? Or are you his new best friend? Why do you care so much about him? I can understand her, but him?" Meredith growled.

Alex sighed before pouring his story out.

"When Der-I mean when _he_ got the call from Maddie, he went into a deep depression like I told you. Maddie is his world after well…you. She'd always come to the hospital after school and visit us. She goes to the same school as Annabell and is in the same class so naturally they've become best friends. Him and I aren't that close, but we're civil. Well, as you know, no one knows where you are so he doesn't know that you're her doctor. As you probably already know too, he was planning to come, but Burke wouldn't let him because he's afraid Der-he would take over and perform surgery on Maddie himself. This was all yesterday, so he comes to me after walking out of Burke's office with red puffy eyes and he begs me. He's begging me Meredith to go in his place. What can I say? I'm the one who knows all about Maddie besides him and Add-_her_. So naturally I said yes. So I explained the situation to Izzie, and got on the first plane over here and here I am now. I must say, I don't know what you see in this city. It's so…sunny and flat! How can you stand it?"

"You adjust" Meredith muttered under her breath, trying to process Alex's story. So she was close. Maddie and Annabell were best friends. At least Alex wasn't friends with _him_. That would be horrible. At least, he didn't give too much away about life back home. Well, it wasn't home anymore, but her old home. She didn't know if him and _her_ were married anymore and she didn't care. All she knew is that Alex and Izzie were married and had an 8-year-old daughter named Annabell and that Burke was Chief after Richard retired.

"Mer?"

Meredith shook her head coming back to reality.

"C-can I see her?" Alex asked timidly.

Meredith sighed and nodded.

"I need to check on her anyway. Did you bring your badge or lab coat?"

Alex nodded pulling both out.

"Good. They're pretty forgiving here and they don't give me crap but still. I'd feel better if you had your ID and lab coat on."

"Understandable." Alex answered as he followed her out of the cafeteria and into the main building.

"We're on the 5th floor right now. Maddie's on the 10th floor Pedi ICU. We don't have a surgery floor like Seattle. We're the only level I trauma center in Iowa and even then we get no action. Just the usual farmer gets his leg caught under a tractor tire. Our orthopedic surgeon is one of the best in the country. I think he's even better than Callie. But then again, he's the only surgeon that gets the most action. Most just sit in the ER and play charades or something." Meredith rambled as they stepped into the elevator. Alex didn't say anything and let her ramble. He knew it was for the better without bringing back any old memories. Having him show up was bad; she didn't need anything worse.

"So have you missed me?" Meredith asked. Alex didn't even notice that she had stopped talking.

"Of course I have Mer. I know I was an ass when you left, but…you'd be surprised. Even Izzie's said that I've changed significantly. I still can't believe that you chose me as your new "person"."

Meredith cringed at the word, but Alex didn't notice.

"You were the one I was least attached to. With you, I wouldn't have to worry about what was going on back there. With any one else, I would have to listen to gossip and what not. You would be the only one that I could call every once and a while and spend maybe only an hour on the phone. That's all I wanted. Here we are."

The elevator dinged and the doors open to an empty hallway.

"All our ICU's are up here. It may seem all dark and gloomy now, but it gets better. Depending on where you go. Just don't ever go into the STICU. Go in there, and you would think my life looked great." Meredith instructed taking a left and then a right. The moment they rounded the corner, Alex was welcomed to bright happy colors.

"Looks like something Izzie would do." Alex mutter murmured.

A chill went up Meredith's back after he mentioned Izzie, but maybe it was because ICU could be a cold place.

"She's over here in room 1A. She's at the top of the priority because of her parents." Meredith muttered, walking through the sliding doors. She walked over to Maddie and checked her vitals. As she was doing that, she noticed that Alex was standing at the door, not coming in.

"Alex?"

Alex didn't react. He just stood there staring at the small fragile girl hanging on to life.

"She looked worse when she came in. Trust me." Meredith said taking off her stethoscope and walking over to Alex.

"She used to be full of life you know. Always had a smile on her face. Could turn anyone's day upside down. Especially her father's. Seeing her like this…it's heartbreaking. Maybe it's just better he's not coming."

Meredith nodded. She didn't have the heart to tell Alex that he would actually be seeing her the day after tomorrow.

"Alex I-"

But at that moment, the stat machine went haywire. Meredith turned to see that Maddie had gone into Vfib for about the 5th time since she had arrived at Des Monies Baptist.

"Shit. Alex go to the nurses station and call a code blue and get the crash cart in here." Meredith commanded. Alex nodded, running out of the room. They had passed the nurses station on the way to Maddie's room. He couldn't forget where it was because of all the nursing students flirting with him.

Meanwhile, Meredith started CPR on the small girl.

"C'mon Maddie live! Live for me, live for your Uncle Alex, and most of all live for your dad!"

"I got the crash cart!" Alex announced as he ran into the room and handed the paddles to Meredith.

"Charge to 300…CLEAR!"

The machine sent an electric shock to Maddie's heart. Luckily, she only needed one and she went back to so-called normal. Everyone breathed as they left the room. Meredith pulled out her stethoscope and checked the rhythm of the heart.

"She's stable again." Meredith whispered to Alex, but he had left the room. Sighing, Meredith put away her stethoscope and walked out of the room. Luckily, she didn't have to look far since Alex was outside of the room, on the verge of hyperventilating. Trying to give Alex a smile, she went to the nurse's station and gave him a paper bag for him to breathe in. After a few minutes, he's breathing had stabilized and he was back to normal.

"I know he sent you over here, but I don't think you have to act like him." Meredith tired to joke, but Alex just shook his head.

"It's like seeing Annie in there. I know this doesn't affect you but you have to understand. It's just that…I used to change her diapers. Seeing her hopeless, is like, seeing my own daughter. I can't handle it."

Meredith nodded.

"You're right I don't understand. But, I'm trying." Meredith said sympathetically. "Hey, I need to go tell her Aunt what happened. If you want you can go to my apartment and I'll meet you there in an hour. I need to go home for a little bit. I shouldn't be leaving her, but it's for the best."

Alex nodded.

"You need time to clear your mind."

Meredith nodded and grabbed a paper towel.

"Here's the directions. It's really easy. And here's the key. I'll call you when I leave."

Alex nodded as he grabbed the stuff and walked down the hall. Watching him go Meredith couldn't believe how much she missed him. He had let his hair grow out a little bit and he had a little facial hair. She could tell that he had matured a great amount in 7 years. Sighing Meredith went to the nurse's station and called Denise to tell her what had just happened, and even let her know that Alex was here (just in case she knew him).

---

"Derek you don't understand!"

_"What? What don't I understand Alex? That obviously the doctors over there have no clue what they're doing? That they're just a bunch of idiots who have never held a scalpel in their life? Correct me if I'm wrong Alex, but my daughter is over there DYING!"_

"You don't think I don't know that Derek? I'm the one who saw her damn it! But…But they're trying everything. They really are! Just, they don't know what's wrong with her. Nothing on the CT, MRI, or X-ray told them."

_"Uh huh, sure. I'm surprised they even know what at CT is!"_

"Derek please. Just…I don't know. Just…TRY to relax. Maddie's in good hands. I met the doctor and she seems really nice. She's the top over here."

_"Ya top air head"_

Alex sighed. Before he could say anything, he heard the lock click and the saw the door opening.

"Uh, Derek I have to go. I'll call you later."

_"Don't you dare leave me Alex Karev-"_

But Alex didn't get a chance to hear what else Derek had to say because he hung up right when Meredith crossed the threshold.

"Who were you talking to?" Meredith asked, throwing her coat on the ground.

"Ummm Izzie. Letting her know that I'm here and I checked into the hotel."

Meredith nodded as she walked to the kitchen and started to make too cups of coffee.

"I talked to her Aunt Denise. Do you know her?"

Alex nodded.

"I met her a couple of years ago. She came and visited Maddie. Supposedly she's Maddie's favorite Aunt or something. How is she?"

Meredith shook her head.

"A mess. She keeps on blaming her self for what's happening to Maddie when she wasn't even there when the accident happened. Poor thing. But when I left, Maddie was stable again, and sleeping. Denise was by her beside, stroking her hair. I tired to get her to go home, but she won't budge."

Alex nodded.

"She's just as stubborn as he is."

Meredith ignored the comment and carried two cups of coffee into the living room.

"Thanks." Alex said as he sipped the coffee. "Mmmm so enough about Maddie. Tell me about yourself."

Meredith drank her coffee and set it down.

"Well, you pretty much know everything. I'm the top surgeon at DMB even as a resident. I haven't had a boyfriend; I've been sober except for a few occasions. I haven't had sex in 7 years and I bury myself in my work. I tired to have friends, but they found me scary. People see me more as the next Ellis Grey rather than a resident." Meredith shrugged as Alex laughed.

"Doesn't surprise me. From what I could tell, you used to bury yourself in your work whenever you got mad. No wonder you're so great."

Meredith blushed.

"So how's plastics?" She asked trying to change the subject.

"Hmm I'm not in plastics. Changed my mind. Gynecology is where it's at."

Meredith spat out her coffee.

"YOU!? A OBGYN? THE Alex Karev?" Meredith asked astonished.

"I know right? But I don't know. We've got an ass of a plastics head. His name is Mark Sloan. Doesn't teach the interns anything. I got in on a few of his surgeries, but I don't know."

Meredith shook her head.

"Wow, a lot has changed hasn't it?"

Alex nodded.

After a few minutes, Alex asked the answer he's been dying to know since the day Meredith left Seattle.

"Mer…when are you coming back? I mean…for good? You're too talented to be here. You're almost an attending. You can't tell me that you're going to do your fellowship here."

Meredith sighed.

"Well…you'll be happy to know that I'm not. They've offered me a spot as head nuero, but I said no since I'm kinda already. But Alex…I'm actually going back…the day after tomorrow."

Now it was Alex's turn to spit out his coffee.

"WHAT?"

Meredith nodded.

"Alex you saw Maddie. She's not getting any better, only worse. DMB doesn't have the technology to take care of her. And we both know only Seattle Grace does. We have no choice but to transfer her over."

"Does Derek know?"

Meredith shook her head.

"Denise doesn't even know. I'm planning to tell her tomorrow unless Maddie gets worse. If she gets worse, then we're transferring her over STAT."

Alex nodded.

"Understandable. But Mer, haven't you ever thought, maybe just maybe, that it'd be best to go back?"

Meredith set her coffee down and looked Alex in the eye.

"Alex, you just don't get it do you? He broke me heart. For once I had been loved. My mother never loved me. My father left us when I was Maddie's age. I've never had someone wrap their arms around me and actually say 'I love you' and meant it. I've never been told 'good job' or 'I'm proud of you'. He was the first one to do that. When his wife showed up, I learned that there is no happy ending in the world. I learned that I can't get attach to anything because it'll just turn up the same. If I go back he'll tell me this sad story and try to mend things. Alex, I can't handle that. I know I left my friends and everything, but…it's a chance I had to take. I don't think my heart could have handled it."

Alex tried to open his mouth in Derek's defense but Meredith got there first.

"Don't you dare stand up for him. My mind is made up and I'm not changing it. I'll go to Seattle for Maddie, but the moment she either gets turned over to a new surgeon or she gets better I'm leaving. I'll be in then out."

"What about him? You'll have to confront him sometime."

Meredith shook her head.

"That's what interns are for. And as for Izzie, Cristina, and George, I'm sure they don't want to see me anyway so."

"Mer…"

"Alex please. Can't you just be happy for me? I'm finally happy. I'm all glued back together now. Please, just…drop it."

Alex smiled and nodded as he took the cups and dropped them into the sink. Right when he set the glasses down, the phone rang.

"Can you get that?" Meredith called. Alex nodded as he picked up the phone.

"Meredith Grey residents, this is Alex."

"Hi, is Dr. Grey there?" asked the voice on the other line.

"Umm not at the moment. Can I take a message?"

"Tell her that she needs to get down to the hospital immediately. Maddie has started to seize out of control. Tell her we need to go to Seattle NOW!"

Alex dropped the phone in shock.

"Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?" the voice on the other line called.

"Alex? What's wrong?" Meredith asked, walking into the room.

"M-Maddie is getting worse. Sh-she needs to get to Seattle now."

Confused Meredith grabbed the phone.

"Hello?"

"Meredith? It's the Chief. Maddie is seizing. She needs to get to Seattle now."

Meredith couldn't believe it. Why her? Why does everything happen to her? Why couldn't Maddie get better? She wasn't prepared to go to Seattle. Not now.

"MEREDITH?"

"Uh, yes. Ok. Ill be there in 2 minutes chief."

Meredith slammed the receiver down and turned to Alex.

"I need you to go to Seattle."

"WHAT?"

Meredith sighed.

"Alex don't argue with me. I can't. I just can't right now. I need yo you to go to Seattle. I know I should go but I can't. I can't face him or any of them. Maybe in a couple days so I could prepare myself. But not this soon. Here, I'll right everything down for you to give to him and the doctor. Just please Alex. PLEASE go back to Seattle in my place. PLEASE!"

Tears were streaming down Meredith's face as she begged Alex. He couldn't stand watching Meredith fall apart like this. It killed him inside. Sighing he nodded.

"I'll go to Seattle. Only if you go to the hospital right now and explain to everyone what's going on."

Meredith nodded. But instead of leaving, Alex embraced her. Meredith buried her face into his chest and cried. The two of them just stood there, holding each other, not letting go, until they had too.

**_A/N: Please tell me u guys liked this. I know you'll have something to say about hte last part, so don't worry. Give me your ideas/ thoughts and we'll just see what'll happened. YAY I FINALL KEPT A PROMISE!!!! ha ha ha it's sunday and i'm updating! i actually made my self sit down and write. didnt' take long to write 5 pages. ha ha it's the 5th cahtper and i wrote 5 pages. i wanted my bff to beta it, but she didn't want to lol. So there are some awkward places, so just to let u know, i know lol. Umm...hope u guys like it! I kinda like it It's kinda a filler chapter, but it's necessary. I hope there isn't too many ppl mad about the guy being Alex. It's just impossible for it to be Derek b/c lk b.a.b.i.l.u.b.l.i.s.s said: "because Derek wouldn't be hiding out in the caferteria if he had suddendly got time off work and teleported himself to the otherside of the country" and Mer hadn't talked to george and the others in 7 years. so alex was the only one that made sense. AGAIN...the last part will be explaind/expanded on next chapter  
_****_AS ALWAYS, THANK U FOR THE BOAT LOAD OF REVIEWS! I'VE NEVER HAD THIS MANY IN 4 CHAPTERS! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE KEEP THEM COMING! I'm not really expecting a lot b/c it's the holidays, so don't worry about it. But 5+ gets me to update on Wednesday/Thrusday. :D_**

**_MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HAUNAKA even though it's over HAPPY KAWANZA AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!_**


	6. Reasoning

**Ch. 6: Reasoning**

Meredith's eyes never left the highway as she drove back to the hospital with Alex in the passenger seat. She was determined not to look at Alex or anything else; except the road (which was a must). Her eyes were still read and puffy from her cry, and there were still a few tears left in her. About every thirty seconds, a lone tear would escape her duct, no matter how hard she was trying to fight them back. Every once in a while Alex would steal a glance over at Meredith, but she never looked his way. He'd sigh every time before averting his eyes and staring at the window. There was a loud silence between them with nothing to break it except for the purr of the jeep. No radio, no wind, no cars passing them, no talking, no nothing. Someone would cough unnecessarily every once in a while to break the tenseness, but that was about it. The ride to the hospital was only five minutes, but it was feeling more like an hour. After two minutes (it felt more like twenty), Alex couldn't take it anymore. The silence was driving him insane.

"Meredith—"

"No Alex," Meredith said sternly, tears obvious in her eyes.

"Meredith—"

"Alex, no! I'm not talking about this. My mind is made up. I'm not going near Seattle. End of discussion. There is nothing in the world you can say that can make me go!" she growled as she pulled into the parking lot, steering the car into the first parking space she spotted.

She swiftly took off her seatbelt and made her way to the door, but she found it locked. Looking over to Alex, she saw that his finger was pressing the lock button on the door, keeping her from escaping.

"Open the door, Alex," Meredith whispered.

But Alex didn't move. His finger did not budge from the lock.

"You're not leaving this car, Meredith. Not until you hear what I have to say," Alex said calmly.

"Alex, there is an eight-year-old girl in there dying who needs to get to Seattle!" Meredith said, her temper rising.

"Exactly! An 8 year-old-girl is in there dying and will be dead if you don't go to Seattle! Meredith you're a freakin' brain surgeon! But right now you're being pretty brainless!" Alex snapped.

Meredith sighed and leaned back into her seat with her arms folded and her eyes staring into the parking lot. Alex took a deep breath before beginning his speech.

"Meredith you've come so far in seven years. When you showed up on my doorstep that night, you looked…inhuman to say the least. You were pale and your eyes were bloodshot from all the crying you had done. I smelled tequila on your breath and I was really surprised that you weren't drunk. But I was more surprised to see you there, soaking wet. I thought you'd be the last person to show up on my doorstep asking me for help. But, I took you in, just because I knew you had another side of you. Another side that no one else knew you had.

Your story interested me. It didn't surprise me to tell you the truth. No offense, but you seemed like the girl with a damaged past who would sleep with her boss. But I listened. And I felt some remorse for you. I could see in your eyes that you really loved him and that he really hurt you. Even though I didn't know you that well, in that instant I wanted to rip Shepherd limb from limb and make him pay for what he did to you. But I didn't. I promised you that I'd let you leave and act like you never existed in Seattle; that I'd only call if it was an emergency; and that we wouldn't spend any more than an hour on the phone. So you left, and honestly I planned never to hear from you again.

But you called. You called every day, crying because you couldn't get him out of your head. It took me a few times to realize how I was supposed to react to that. But as time moved on, I got fewer and fewer calls from you. I actually believed that you had forgotten about him. On the occasional calls, I could hear that there was life back in your voice, that you were starting to become human again, that for once you were actually enjoying life, and you weren't scheduling your life around him any more.

Of course I called you every day on the anniversary of the day that you came to my house just to see if you were okay on that ominous date. And every year you've forgotten what happened, which actually made me happy. So I was convinced that you were okay and had moved on."

"Alex, where is this going?" Meredith whispered, looking at him for the first time since he had started talking, tears starting to swell up in her eyes. Alex nodded and continued.

"I'm getting there. So, like I said actually believed that you were all glued back together. So, when you called me two days ago yelling at me because he had a daughter, my world almost came crashing down. When I went home, Izzie noticed something wrong with me, but I made up some story about a three-year-old dying of third-degree burns and how she reminded me of Annabell. I knew that this was going to change everything. I knew that you wouldn't be able to get him out of your mind now. After seven years of forgetting him, in one day he came back into your life. But I was sure that you wouldn't let him stand in the way of saving his daughter's life.

Meredith, Maddie needs you. When you laid eyes on her in that ER, you made a unspoken contract saying that you would do everything in your power to save this girl. Meredith, you took the Hippocratic Oath. You're bound legally, ethically, and morally to treat her unless she's been discharged or…"

But he couldn't say the last word. Alex took a deep breath and continued.

"Meredith the choice is yours. You can either stay here in Des Monies with the guilt of not treating Maddie and keep living in the past or you can come to Seattle, save Maddie and then stay in Seattle or come back here and continue your practice until your fellowship."

The car fell silent again. Meredith assumed that he was done. She sighed and looked at him. By the look in his eyes, she could tell that in his eyes she looked inhuman again. Sighing, she looked out the window. She saw the helicopter on the launch pad and the EMTs walking back and forth, preparing it for the trip.

"Fine. I'll go to Seattle and treat Maddie."

Alex straightened up when he heard this. Meredith, noticing his excitement, sighed.

"I was never going to stay here. I was going to go. I just had to convince myself to go. I'm Maddie's doctor. It doesn't matter if she's the key to my past. I have to treat her, Derek or no Derek, right?"

Alex smiled and nodded. Then he removed his finger from the lock, and Meredith smiled.

"Let's go to Seattle," she whispered.

Laughing, Alex and Meredith got out of the car and walked up to the hospital, knowing for once what fate had in store for them.

**_A/N: I know it's short, but the only way i could keep my promise is by updating this. I kinda lk it. It sets me up well for the next chapter. I want to thank the 10/11 of u who reviewed! thank u! i udnerstand it's x-mas...and it's still more than i got in my last story! I hope u guys had a very merry x-mas! 2008 here we come!_**

**_5+ get me to upate saturday/sunday!_**


	7. Fine

**_Ch. 7: Fine_**

"Dr. Grey, Dr. Karev we've arrived in Seattle and we'll be landing shortly," The cool voice of the pilot filled the small area of the helicopter. Meredith heard the voice, but she didn't listen to it. She was too busy looking out the window and into the city below her. It hadn't changed much in 7 years. The Space Needle was still there, ferryboats continued to fill the dock, and it was raining. That was one of the most comforting things Meredith saw about the scene below her. The rain. She had missed the rain and the dreary clouds. That was the only thing she was sure out in this city. Tearing her eyes from the window, her hands began to stroke Maddie's hair. In the few short days that Meredith spent with her, she felt closer to Maddie than she ever had with any other patient. It wasn't because Maddie was the key to her past, there was just something about this little girl. Even though a single word hadn't been exchanged between the two or they're eyes have never met, Meredith felt like there was a special bond between them. Sighing, she struggled to undo some knots in the poor girl's hair as her eyes began to wander again. She met Alex's eyes for a brief minute, before they quickly moved onto something else.

"Everything's going to be fine Mer," whispered Alex as he took Meredith's hand and gave it a tight squeeze. Meredith just nodded, not saying anything. Fine. Ya, everything was going to be fine. She'll go in, treat Maddie, give her back to her parents and be on the next flight back to Des Moines. Everything was going to be just fine. She looked back out the window, to see that they were hovering over a landing pad. A landing pad that looked familiar. That looked like it just got painted, but a pad that brought back so many things from the past.

It was this pad where Meredith got her first case. Katie Bryce. It was because of this pad that she scrubbed in on her first surgery and where she first experienced the high rush of being a surgeon. Where her whole career began. As they got closer to the ground, Meredith could see people standing by. One looked familiar, but she tore her eyes away from the window before she got a better look.

"Prepare for landing," the cool voice said again. Meredith closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths to prevent hyperventilation. This was it. She was back in Seattle. There was no turning back now. Or was there? No. No turning back. She would have to face what was down there or else…ok there was no or else, but still. She had. It was her duty. Her job her…

"Mer? Mer, we've landed."

Meredith's train of thought had been interrupted by Alex's non-comforting calm voice. Opening her eyes, she saw that they had indeed landed, and that the specs of people that she saw only a few seconds early were racing towards them with a gurney. Nodding her head, Meredith got into her doctor mode, and started to climb out of the helicopter.

"Madeline Shepherd, age 8, was in a car accident 2 days ago and was admitted to Des Monies Baptist. Transferred to Seattle Grace for better nuero-treamtnet. Her current doctor is Dr. Grey," Alex recited to the group of interns and their resident. Meredith hopped down from the helicopter and the moment she did she locked eyes with George O'Malley. Meredith took another deep breath before tearing her eyes away from George's confused gaze.

"She needs to get an MRI and a CT now. She's had multiple in Des Monies but they're not strong enough. We don't know what's wrong with her. All I know is that there's still something wrong with her brain or else she wouldn't be coding every time I try to close her up," Meredith told the group of doctors in front of her, as they started to wheel her into the hospital.

"Miller get this girl to a CT and MRI. Page Dr. Grey and I when you get the results. The rest of you, look up anything you can about…" George's voice trailed off as he looked at Meredith to finish his sentence.

"Brain aneurysms, car accidents, you name it. Hell, even if you get me a picture of a human brain I'll be happy!" Meredith said, starting to get into her resident mode.

The interns nodded and scurried off to the library, afraid of the "new" resident.

Once they had left, Meredith started down the hall to find Alex since he had mysteriously disappeared. She was hoping that the hospital hadn't changed much in 7 years, and even if it had, odds were that she'd be able to find her way pretty good. As she started to walk away, she heard footsteps that sounded like they were following her.

"Meredith! Meredith wait up!" called George as he jogged to keep up with her. Meredith stopped dead in her tracks, but didn't dare turn around. She didn't know what he was feeling or thinking at the moment, and quite frankly she didn't want to. Finally, the footsteps stopped, and she felt him looking at her, waiting for her to turn around. Sighing, Meredith slowly turned around to meet her old friend.

"George," She breathed. She looked into his eyes, and surprisingly she didn't see anger. Instead, she saw the same old corky George that she left 7 years ago.

"Meredith," He whispered, advancing towards her and embracing. Meredith stood there as he hugged her. She didn't know how to respond. She thought about hugging him back, but…it just didn't feel right. Finally, he let go and looked at her again.

"Wow, you've…changed." He said, still trying to take her in. Meredith let out a forced laugh.

"Ya. There's no rain in Des Moines. Only sun and snow." She replied. But George shook his head.

"No, not that. Just…you look like you've aged. A lot." He said.

Meredith didn't know how to respond. She wanted to tell him what she had been through in the past 7 years. Tell him that she used to cry herself to sleep every night over him. That she was surprised that she didn't look 50. But she just stood there. Not saying a word.

"Meredith," George breathed again. He just couldn't believe it. He hadn't seen her in 7 years. It was like she never existed. No letter, no telephone call, no nothing. But here she was, standing right in front of him. "H-How have you been?" He finally managed to ask. A little startled by the question, it took Meredith a few minutes to respond.

"Goo-Fine," She muttered. "Just…fine."

George nodded.

"That's…good."

There was an awkward silence between them, no one knowing what to say. Finally, Meredith broke the silence.

"W-Why are you talking to me? Shouldn't you be shunning me? I left! I got up and left without telling you where I was going and why. You have every right to yell at me. To scream, to lecture, to never talk to me again! So why are you?" Meredith demanded.

George sighed.

"I was…I was mad. I was mad when you left but most of all I was hurt. I couldn't understand why you left. Iz and I stayed up all night talking and sitting by the phone waiting for you to call…but there was nothing. Finally, we gave up and went to work. That's when we met Addison and we understood. It took Iz more time to get over it than I did. But we did move on. But I'm not going to yell. I'm not going to scream or lecture you. That wouldn't do any good. The only thing I can do is be grateful that you're ok. Mer, we seriously thought you had died!"

Meredith cracked a forced smile.

"Seriously?" She asked.

George nodded.

"Seriously."

Glad that she didn't have to hold a grudge with her old friend, she took George in for the first time.

"You've also changed," She commented. "You cut your hair and you lost some weight and you're…you're married!"

Seeing a golden band on George's ring finger surprised her.

"You're married?" She repeated, trying to get the thought through her mind.

George nodded sheepishly.

"Ya. Her name is Callie. She's orthopedic surgeon here. She came about a year after you left. We got married about a year later and had a baby girl 3 years after that. Her name is Elizabeth but we call her Lizzie. She'll turn 3 in July."

Meredith nodded. She couldn't believe it. Bambi, 007, Georgie was…married and had a daughter.

"Wow, I've missed a lot haven't I?"

George nodded.

"We've missed you Mer."

Meredith was about to say something when her pager went off, then almost instantly George's went off too.

"Let's go." He said, as he led her down the hall to the radiology room.

----

"It's a tumor," Meredith whispered.

Meredith, George, Alex, and George's intern were standing in the radiology room looking over Maddie's CT and MRI.

"Ya, right there," George pointed to a part on her brain. Meredith nodded.

"That's why she's been coding. You, tell me what's the significance of this part of her brain." Meredith said, pointing to the intern. The intern gave George a look as if to say 'Is-she-allowed-to-do-this?'. George nodded and the intern answered Meredith's question.

"That part of the brain controls the heart and blood flow. Because of the tumor, its restricting blood flow to the heart. My guess is that when she hit her head, the tumor all but erupted. So when you try to close, because she's on bypass because of the extent of her injuries, her heart can't take the massive of blood flow." The intern answered confidently. Meredith stood there in shock.

"That's correct. Umm, go book OR 1 and then scrub in." Meredith said. The intern nodded and exited the room. The Meredith turned to George and Alex.

"She's like a mini-Cristina. Not showing any emotion and knows the answer as if it was a simple question."

George nodded.

"We call her mini-C behind her back."

Alex laughed, but Meredith didn't crack a smile. She just stood there, looking at the scans.

"Does…"

"The both know. Well you already know that Derek knows and of course Addison knows too. She's been a mess because Maddie's her first born. And I told you how Derek's taken it," Alex answered.

"But…do they know I'm here?" Meredith asked.

George and Alex exchanged glances, but Meredith caught them.

"Ok…well that's…fine. Umm, I guess I'll go get prepped for surgery. Alex, if you could go find…you know…them and tell them what's going on that would be great. Could we…close the gallery too?"

Both George and Alex nodded as Meredith sighed. Meredith took one last look at the scans and turned towards the door.

"Mer, are you sure you're alright?" Alex asked, seeing the look on her face. Meredith forced another smile before she exited the room.

"I'm fine," She said as convincingly as possible before she exited the room. When the door closed, both doctors exchanged looks.

"She hasn't changed much emotionally has she?" George asked. Alex shook his head.

"She's a little stronger, but she's still the same old 'fine' Meredith Grey at heart."

George sighed.

"I guess I'll go help her. Even though this isn't my specialty, she needs a friend in there."

Alex nodded.

"I'll go find the She-Shepherd and tell her what's going on. I'll meet you in there in about an hour."

George nodded as he exited the room and walked down the hall. He didn't have to far since the room and the OR's were on the same floor for convenience. Opening the scrub room door, he saw Meredith and Addison facing each other, both with cold looks on their faces.

**_A/N: I'm sure you guys are anxious/excited/relived/angry. lol. But at least be happy she's finally in Seattle. That last sentence was so out of the blue. Turst me i WAS NOT planning that all. THat just kinda...happened. But there will be more expanded to it. Yes, it's another short chapter. Again, i lost track of the days, and i didn't want to keep you guys waiting so i decided to update. I don't really like this chapter but still. lol. George was also a 'out of the blue' thing. idk...my hands have a differnt mind of thier own from my brain. Also, that whole part of their brain that controls the blood...i have no clue if that's true. I'm sure it is, but idk. So that's y this is an AU rt? lol. So hope you guys liked it! More coming soon! As always, thank you to ALL OF YOU WHO REVIEWED! 5+ gets another chapter on...hmmm wedensday/thursday. That gives me time to think. Most likely Thrusday. MAYBE Wedensday...we'll c :D_**

**_HAPPY NEW YEAR! Let's hope 2008 is a better year. See you guys in 2008!!!!!_**


	8. Dose of Reality

**Ch. 9: Dose of Reality**

**_A/N: Please read the A/N at the end for an important message about the next update:D_**

"Who the hell are you and what are you doing to my daughter?" Addison hissed.

Meredith didn't know what to say. She was standing right in front of her worst nightmare and honestly, she thought that Addison was going to kick her ass right then and there.

"Well?" Addison snapped.

Meredith gulped before giving Addison her answer.

"I-I'm your d-daughter's doctor. D-Dr. Gr-Meredith. Meredith."

Addison didn't react to Meredith's answer. She stood there in the middle of the scrub room, eyeing Meredith.

"Meredith…Meredith…"

Addison muttered her name over and over, racking her brain for any memory that had a Meredith in it.

"You're not Meredith Grey are you? Daughter of Ellis Grey?"

Meredith stood there shocked. How did she know? How did she remember Meredith after 7 years and one moment? She didn't strike Meredith as that kind of person to remember something after 7 years. Then again, Meredith remembered her perfectly, so it obviously wasn't impossible.

For a few seconds, Meredith thought about lying and saying no. But she also thought about saying yes. She'd have to come clean sooner or later right? And who knew, maybe Addison didn't remember her after all.

"Never mind, you just look really familiar. Like someone who I've hated for a long time. But, that's besides the point," Addison said, pulling Meredith out of her thoughts. "But, if my daughter does not come out of there alive, Meredith, you'll be the next one dead,"  
And with that, Addison sauntered out of the room. After the scrub room door closed, Meredith leaned up against the sinks and closed her eyes. She took a few deep breaths before she did anything. She couldn't believe it. She had come this close to facing her nightmares. Her nightmares of facing Addison and her recognizing exactly who Meredith was. But, the fact was Addison had no clue who she was. She had no clue that she was the same Meredith that had "screwed her husband" just 7 years earlier. It was a bittersweet moment for Meredith. On one hand, it was good because that was one last bullet she had to dodge on the other hand it meant that she had to be careful with what she said around Addison.

"Dr. Grey's we're ready for you," said one of the scrub nurses coming into the scrub room.

Meredith nodded as she tired her ferryboat scrub cap on and scrubbed in. Walking into the OR, George gave her a worried look, but Meredith just shook her head. As she walked over to the table, all eyes were on her. The scrub nurses were on one side of the room whispering about her, while everyone else stood absolutely still. Annoyed, Meredith made her way over to Maddie's head.

"It's a beautiful day to saves lives…let's get started." She announced to the room. For a split second nobody moved. It took Meredith just as long to realize why. What she just said is exactly what Derek says before every surgery. Rolling her eyes, she glared at everyone and they soon resumed their jobs.

"Tenblade," Meredith said icily to the scrub nurse.

Giving Meredith a nervous look, she handed over the tenblade and Meredith started cutting into Maddie's brain.

---

"Perfect. Absolutely perfect. Her bleeding is now controlled, the tumor is out, and there is absolutely nothing that can go-"

But of course, before Meredith could answer her sentence, the vital machine went haywire.

"WHAT THE HELL!?" she yelled.

"She's gone into Vfib," announced George as he started CPR on the little girl.

"No shit George! She does this everytime I close! But why dammit? I've removed the tumor!"

"Meredith there is no time to worry about that now! We need to get her stabilized before she dies. George you're the general surgeon do something!" snapped Alex.

"ALEX YOU KNOW JUST AS WELL AS I DO THAT JUST BECAUSE I'M A GENERAL SURGEON DOESN'T MEAN THAT I CAN PREFORM HEART SURGERY! SOMEBODY PAGE DR. BURKE!" bellowed George as he continued his compressions. .

"Damn it George, somebody give him the paddles!" ordered Alex.

The scrub nurse handed over the paddles to George as he prepared to shock her. But at that moment, incredibly, Maddie went back to normal. Everyone in the room stopped dead in their tracks.

"What just happened?" whispered Meredith.

But no one knew what to say. One minute Maddie was on the verge of death and the next, she was…fine.

"Somebody paged?"

The room was dead quiet as Burke burst through the door. All eyes were on him as he made his way over to Maddie.

"What the hell happened?" he demanded, giving a very short surprised look at Meredith before he proceeded.

"Somebody better tell me what the hell happened to the Shepherd's daughter or else everyone in this room will be dead!"

"Sh-She went into Vfib. We started CPR and we were about to shock her, but all of a sudden she stabilized. We don't know why," answered Meredith as strongly as possible.

"Well does she have a defibrillator in her Dr. Grey?" asked Burke, giving her a quick wink.

"No, she doesn't," said Alex, as he was pulling the sterile cover off of Maddie's chest to look.

"But we would of known," piped up George, "she can't have a MRI with a debrillator in! I'd be torn out of her chest!" exclaimed George.

Burke shook his head.

"Well whatever happened. It just saved all of your asses. Once this girl gets out of this room I want her to get a CT and an Echo so we can get a better look at her heart. Dr. Grey please continue with what you were doing and I'll see you in my office once you are done," Burke commanded as he walked out of the room.

Once the OR doors shut, all eyes were again on Meredith. She stood in the middle of the room, eyes closed, trying to keep her self from hyperventilating before she continued.

"Mer?" asked George, but she made no movement. Then, she opened her eyes and walked back over to Maddie's head.

"Pick-ups," She whispered to the scrub nurse. Carefully, the nurse handed over the tool and Meredith did her finishing touches on the surgery.

5 minutes later, Meredith put her tools in the basin and took off her mask.

"There. That's about as good as I could get. The space where the tumor was is cleared up, there is no bleeding, aneurysms or anything that I can see. As far as I could tell this girl is finally out of the woods. You, after I close up, get this girl to CT. Page Dr. Burke and me when you get the results," announced Meredith, pointing at one of George's interns as she, George, and Alex made their way to the scrub room exhausted. No one said a word as the scrubbed out. Finally, as they were drying their hands, Alex spoke up.

"So…what are you going to tell Addison?" Alex asked Meredith.

Throwing away her paper towel, Meredith looked at Alex.

"What do you mean? I thought we agreed that George would relay all the info. I'm not going near her! She already threatened to kill me once! If I tell her that her daughter coded on the table, she won't care that she's alive now, she'll kill me!"

George shook his head.

"Meredith you have to tell Addison. It's your duty. You're Maddie's doctor. Alex told me what happened back in Des Moines about how you almost didn't come. Mer, you've come this far. You have to go out there and face your fear of Addison. We all have, now it's your turn."

Meredith walked over to the door of the OR and stood there.

"Actually I don't. I don't know if you heard me or not, but I'm leaving here once Maddie's better. This place holds too many memories that I don't want to relive. I'll tell Addison the news, since she had no clue who the hell I am, but once Maddie is stable and is in no longer need of my services, I'm gone."

And with that, Meredith took the chart out of George's hands and walked out of the room, leaving George and Alex watching the door close.

"What just happened?" asked Alex.

George just shook his head.

"To be honest, I don't know if these past few hours have been a dream, a nightmare, or reality."

---

Meredith stood in front of the Burke's office trying to work up the nerve to walk in. She had been standing out there for 5 minutes now, and people were starting to stare. Finally, she took a deep breath and raised her hand, preparing to knock. But before her knuckles could come in contact with the wood, the door opened. Standing in the threshold were Addison and Burke shaking hands, Burke smiling and Addison looking solemn. Seeing Meredith, Addison's face just got whiter than it already was.

"Dr. Gre-" Burke started, but Meredith cut him off

"Yo-you wanted to see me Dr. Burke?"

Burke gave her a funny look and opened his mouth to say something, but Addison beat him to it.

"How is she?" she whispered.

Meredith's attention turned towards Addison and tried to form her sentence in her head. But nothing was coming.

"Oh my god, she died didn't she? My baby girl died!" shrieked Addison as tears came pouring out. As if Meredith was pinched, she jumped into compassionate doctor mode.

"Ummm…she's not dead Miss…"

"Dr. Shepherd," whispered Burke.

Meredith's eyes got wide, but she didn't let it affect her; at least not yet.

"Maddie isn't dead Dr. Shepherd. She's now out of surgery and one of Dr. O'Malley's interns is taking her down to CT as we speak."

Addison wiped a few tears out of her eyes.  
"Wh-Why is she being taken down to CT?" she spurted out.

Meredith sighed.

"As we were nearing the end of surgery, your daughter coded D-Dr. She-Shepherd… she's been doing this ever since her first surgery. I thought I had solved the problem by removing the tumor on a certain part of the brain that controls the blood and the heart. But for some odd reason she coded again. I had paged Dr. Burke as Dr. O'Malley, Dr. Karev and I tired to work and save her. Right when Dr. Burke walked into the OR, your daughter all of a sudden became stable. None of us know why. Dr. Burke ordered a CT to get a closer look and maybe figure out what happened in the OR." Meredith said, as strongly and calmly as she could.

Addison nodded as she made her way back into the room. Meredith gave Burke a look but he just shook his head as he invited Meredith in. Sighing, she couldn't turn down the invitation and she walked through the threshold into the office. It hadn't changed since she was an intern. Of course all of Richard's stuff was moved out and Burke's stuff was in its place, but other than that it looked like a Chief's office.

"H-h-has D-Derek been not-notified?" stuttered Addison.

"I just got off the phone with him when you walked in Addie," answered Burke while looking at Meredith. Meredith was leaning against a cabinet looking extremely pale.

"Dr. Gr-Meredith. Are you okay?" asked Burke.

Addison lifted her head to look at Meredith to see what was wrong.

"I'm fine Dr. Burke. Just…fine," answered Meredith giving a forced smile. "You mentioned a man named Derek Dr. Shepherd. Is he your husband?"

Addison nodded.

"Burke here gave him the day off. Ever since we got that call from Denise he's been a mess. I haven't seen him this way in…a while. Actually ever since I came to Seattle. But we told him to go home and get some rest. He wasn't doing any good here walking around like a zombie. I promised him that I'd keep him posted. I'm just surprised he hasn't stormed in here yet,"

"You and me both," muttered Burke.

Meredith didn't say anything. She was still trying to process what Addison just said. Her and Derek were still married. After 7 years of heartache and wondering, all of Meredith's questions had just been answered. She wasn't that much surprised as she was shocked. Why wouldn't they be married? Meredith had moved. Eliminated her self from the picture. There was no reason for him not to stay with her. But the thought of him staying with her, just nauseated Meredith.

"Are you sure you're ok Meredith?" questioned Burke, as he started to get worried.

Meredith nodded her head.

"I-I'm fine Burke. I just…I'm just going to go check on Maddie. It was nice meeting you Dr. Shepherd, I'll meet you both in the radiology room in a bit?"

Burke nodded, still with a concerned look on his face as Meredith exited the room. The last thing she saw when Meredith walked out of the room was Addison bawling into her hands and Burke trying to comfort her.

Walking down the halls of Seattle Grace, Meredith was trying to fight back tears. She had been threatened, scared, and been given a dose of reality all in an hour's time. A normal person would have probably committed suicide, by now, but at the moment it wasn't an option for Meredith. She had to live to see if Maddie was going to be ok. She was now a part of Meredith's life. A huge part. A part that made Meredith's heart melts everytime she held a scalpel to her head. A part that was risking brain damage everytime Meredith had to perform surgery.

Weaving her way around the hospital, she found an empty on-call room and threw her self on the bed. She didn't care that there were nurses rushing to the window to see if it was really THE Meredith Grey. The same intern who had left when her lover's wife showed up. All Meredith cared about was trying to grab control of her life, before it was too late.

"Hey can you keep it down? Some of us are trying to sleep!" snapped a voice from above Meredith. Sitting up, Meredith wiped her tears away.

"I-I'm sorry," she managed to squeak out.

She heard the grumble from the person above her as they started to move.

"Well you should be. If you can't handle the competition then I guess you shouldn't be here you damn intern," snapped the voice. Meredith hurried off her bed and looked at the occupant of the top bunk.

"I'll have you know that I am not an intern! I'm a 7th year resident! I could care less if you're an attending or not, I will not be spoke to that way!" Meredith said, her voice crackling from the tears. The person sighed angrily and rolled over on their side. At the exact moment Meredith locked eyes with the grouchy occupant of the top bunk, Meredith rushed out of the room. She could still hear the person calling her name as Meredith made her way into an empty elevator. Once the doors closed Meredith closed her eyes. She couldn't believe it. She had just seen the face of her best friend from 7 years ago. She had just been snapped at the probably Nazi 2.0 Cristina Yang. Hearing the doors ding, Meredith walked out of the elevator, not caring what floor it was. She again wove her way around the halls, walking like a zombie, trying to get her thoughts straightened out. She had no clue what was going on. She half hoped that this was a dream and that she'd wake up in her nice warm bed back in Des Monies. Rounding the corner, she almost bumped into George.

"I've been looking for you!" he hissed, but after seeing the look on Meredith's face, his own face softened.

"Are you okay?" he asked, kindly.

"WILL EVERYONE STOP ASKING ME IF I'M OKAY!" Meredith screeched. "OF COURSE I'M NOT OKAY GEORGE! I'M BACK IN THE SAME HOSPTIAL I VOWED NEVER TO STEP FOOT IN AGAIN! DEREK'S WIFE HAS THREATENED ME, I'VE JUST RAN INTO CRISTINA YANG AND MADELINE SHEPHERD MIGHT DIE ANY SECOND! SO NO I'M NOT OKAY!"

Everyone on the floor was looking at her.

"WHAT! SHOULDN'T YOU BE DOING SOMETHING? LIKE SAVING PEOPLE'S LIVES?" she bellowed. Everyone then started to move out of Meredith's way as she walked out of George's arms and into the nearest room. Sitting in the first chair she saw, Meredith put her head in her hands.

"Who are you?" asked a small voice.

Meredith lifted her head and looked into the piercing blue eyes of Madeline Shepherd.

**_A/N: YAY! I updated "early"...and when i say early i mean i'm updating 7:30 rather than 10 o'clock (central time zone time ;D). ha ha ha...this really isn't one of my fav chapters. I had to rewrite the beginning...b/c it was orginally crap! lol. I added some tidbits in there that i hope some of u catch and i can't wait to hear what u guys think of that...and that leads me to my next point. I have a golf tourney this weekend then i'm back to school which means limited updates. But...wk after nxt is full of midterms...which means that weekend will be devoted to studying. So...this is going to be put on hiatus for about...2 weeks. I'm sorry guys. I tried to leave u w/o a cliff hanger...i hope it's not that big. again i'm truly sorry...but i really need to do well on these to boost my GPA to get me into the top 25 of my class to get me into a good college! i'll b thinking of you though!_**

**_On a side note...i hope all of you had a SAFE and RESPONSIBLE New Year! HELLO 2008! This is going to be a good year:D  
You know the drill and as always i want to thank u for the 16 reviews i got! Please keep them up! AND i'll try to update ASAP:D_**


	9. Meetings

**Ch. 9: Meetings**

_**A/N: I'M BAAAAAAAACK!!!! he he he...italics are flahsbacks ;D**_

_Sitting in the first chair she saw, Meredith put her head in her hands.  
"Who are you?" asked a small voice.  
Meredith lifted her head and looked into the piercing blue eyes of Madeline Shepherd._

Meredith sat there for a moment before jumping out of her chair, as she pulled out her small doctor-y flashlight and shined it in each of Maddie's eyes. Both pupils were normally dilated and reactive to the flashlight. Taking a step back Meredith stared at Maddie as if she came back from the dead.

"Are you okay?" asked Maddie trying to sit up.

Meredith, finally finding her voice, gently pushed Maddie back down into the pillows.

"You need to lie down. Something might happen if you get up too quickly."

Huffing, Maddie laid back in the stiff hospital pillows and folded her arms.

"Fine, but the least you can do is tell me who you are!" demanded Maddie.

Meredith gave a forced smile, seeing Derek's personality coming out in her.

"My name is Meredith and I'm your doctor…can you tell me what your name is?"

Maddie rolled her eyes.

"Madeline Elizabeth Shepherd."

Meredith nodded and continued her "tests".

"Okay, can you squeeze my fingers?" Meredith asked holding out her hands.

Sighing loudly Maddie grabbed Meredith's hands and squeezed them. Surprisingly, her grip was as strong as a healthy 8 year-old's grip.

Shaking her head, Meredith asked one last question.

"What's the last thing you remember?"

"What is with all these questions? Why am I even here?" Maddie asked getting impatient.

At that moment, the ICU doors slid open and George walked in.

"Meredith I'm sorry for what I said back there but-oh my god!"

Once George's eyes laid on Maddie he forgot speech to Meredith he had been preparing for the last 5 minutes and just stood there, looking stupid.

"UNCLE GEORGE!" Cried Maddie trying to get out of bed, but again Meredith pushed her down.

"You really need to lay down Maddie," Meredith said as politely as possible. Allowing Meredith to push her back into the pillows, Maddie kept her attention focused on George.

"Uncle George what are you doing here? Is there a seminar in Des Moines?"

George looked at Meredith as if to say 'She doesn't remember?' Meredith just shook her head sadly before returning back to Maddie.

"Maddie, I really need you to look at me and tell me the last thing you remember," Meredith persisted.

But instead of doing as Meredith asked, Maddie completely ignored Meredith and continued to ask George a million questions.

"When'd you get here? How long you staying? Why am I in a hospital and who is she?"

George sighed and walked over to Maddie, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and gave her a small smile. "Maddie, we really need you to tell us the last thing you remember. I promise once you do that we'll explain everything." George said sweetly.

Maddie sighed and crossed her arms across her chest.

"Fine…I was riding in the backseat of my best friend's mom's car and we were on our way to the new Mall…" The next few minutes were full of a loud silence.  
"Ummm hello? Can someone answer my questions PLEASE?"

Meredith stepped forward and stroked Maddie's hand, trying to keep calm.

"Maddie, you were in a car accident back in Des Moines. A very serious car accident. You were rushed to Des Moines Baptist where I did numerous surgeries, but…I couldn't do everything I could because I didn't have the right technology to treat you. You were transferred here to Seattle Grace this morning where we rushed you into emergency surgery. I think I've done everything I could and just seeing you awake so quickly is a miracle in it's self, but…we're still not sure if you're completely cured. I'm sorry honey."

The room was silent after Meredith's explanation. Maddie looked from George to Meredith and back to George.

"Sh-She's kidding right? Please tell me that she's kidding me Uncle George! This is just a prank that my mommy and daddy are pulling right?"

Tears were starting to run down Maddie's face as her true 8 year-old-self was coming out. Giving a weak smile, George hugged Maddie.

"I'm so sorry honey," he whispered as he rubbed her back.

Maddie exploded in a fit of tears into George's chest. George laid his chin on Maddie's head as Meredith watched the poor girl fall apart.

"I-I-I want m-my m-mommy!" sobbed Maddie.

George continued to rub Maddie's back.

"Shhhh I know. Dr. Meredith is going to go get her. Don't worry,"

George looked at Meredith with pleading eyes and Meredith had no choice but to nod. Excusing her self out of the room, the last thing Meredith heard was Maddie's shriek.

Once Meredith closed the door she stood there for a moment with her eyes closed trying to collect her self. It was like Meredith had grown up with Maddie. It was like Meredith was Maddie's fake-niece. She couldn't become this attached to Maddie. She was just a patient wasn't she? Just an ordinary 8 year-old patient.

After failing to convince herself that Maddie was nothing, Meredith wiped away a few tears and walked over to the nurse's station.

"Page Dr. Addison Shepherd and Dr. Burke please," Meredith asked the nurse. The nurse eyes Meredith, but did was she was told. Once the page was sent out, Meredith made her way down the hall. She didn't know where she was going, but she had to get away. At least for a few minutes.

Walking into an empty elevator, Meredith sub-conscionably, pressed the 5th floor button as the elevator rode up to the surgical floor. Stepping off the elevator, her feet led her to OR 1's gallery. She didn't care if people stared at her; she just needed to get away from reality for just 1 second. Opening the door and walking up the stairs, Meredith could see that the room did have a few surgeons in there. Sitting down in the back row, the occupants in the room didn't even acknowledge that she was there, which was what Meredith wanted. Looking down, Meredith didn't recognize the surgeon who was performing the appendectomy, but it looked like a flawless surgery.

"Okay, now I will invert the cecum back into the colon and simultaneously pulling up on the strings without tearing them," said the smooth voice which filled the room. Meredith swore that she recognized the voice, but she quickly pushed it out of her mind as the surgeon flawlessly inverted the cecum back into the colon. After a few more minutes, the surgeon pulled off her mask and turned to scrub nurse. At that moment, Meredith got a clear view of surgeon.

"You close up for me," ordered Isobel/Izzie Stevens-Karev.

Meredith sat in her seat amazed. From what Alex had told her, Izzie was an OB/GYN but apparently she was also a general surgeon. Before Izzie walked into the scrub room, she looked up in the gallery. That was when her eyes landed on Meredith. Doing a double take, she looked back up in the gallery, but at that point, Meredith was gone.

Running down the stairs, Meredith ran into the nearest vacant room and shut the door. She couldn't believe it. She hadn't even been at Seattle Grace for 24 hours and she had already come in contact with everyone from her past. Well almost everyone. She still managed to avoid Bailey and Derek. Sighing, Meredith let the tears fall heavily, not even knowing that someone else was in the room.

"Lost a patient?" asked the voice.

Meredith's head shot up and looked around the dark room.

"N-no…who are you?" she asked, voice shaking.

The voice laughed as Meredith heard something move. The voice sounded husky, but sexy at the same time. Her eyes hadn't adjusted to the darkness yet and the crying didn't help either. All of a sudden, the room was filled with light.

"Ah!" Meredith gasped, the light temporarily blinded her.

"Sorry, I just didn't think it was fair to you not to be able to see me," commented the voice. After regaining sight, Meredith saw a tall, very good-looking man with a minimal beard, mustache, hazel eyes and well-groomed hair.

"Well I don't think I've seen you around here before, because if I have, I would have remembered. Mark Sloan. Dr. Mark Sloan, head of plastics," introduced Mark, holding out his hand.

"M-Meredith. Dr. Meredith, 7th year resident, Nero. I'm actually f-from Des Moines Baptist, but my patient was transferred here for better treatment," Meredith said in a trance-like voice, not taking her eyes off of Mark.

Mark laughed, seeing Meredith's face.

"So you don't have a last name? Or you just don't want to tell me?"

Meredith didn't say anything, as she continued to stare at Mark.

"I get that a lot you know. This look. Women just can't get enough of me!"

Meredith shook her head and broke the trance.

"I-I'm sorry, I just forgot how good looking the men can be around here," Meredith muttered. Again, Mark laughed.

"So I guess you've been here before?"

Meredith nodded.

"Spent the first couple months of my internship here."

Now it was Mark's turn to be confused.

"Why'd you leave?"

Meredith's eyes suddenly found a fascination in the floor.

"Ummm…closer to umm family," she muttered.

Mark nodded his head, not buying her story. But before he could say anything, Meredith's pager went off.

"I-I have to umm go. It was nice meeting you Dr. Sloan," Meredith said, trying to hurry out of the room.

"Likewise Meredith," Mark called as Meredith hurried out of the room and up to Maddie's room.

---

Derek Shepherd slammed the door of his black Mercedes and climbed the steps up to his house. After spending half his day out of Seattle, he returned home cold, wet, and angry. He threw his keys on the counter and walked over to where his pager lay. Grabbing it, he looked at the screen to see if he had missed any pages. Seeing that no one paged him just made him even angrier. Sighing, he picked up his cell phone and dialed Addison's number. He let it ring once, twice, three times…

"Hey you've reached Addie-"

But before he could hear the rest of the message, he slammed his phone shut. He hated this. His daughter was lying helplessly and here he was, forced to take a day off like a five year-old being told that he couldn't have a cookie until after dinner. He wasn't a five year-old. He was a 40 year old world renowned neurosurgeon who was still married to his wife that cheated on him 7 years ago!

Picking up his phone again, he decided to call Denise.

"Hello?"

"How is she?" Derek spat.

It was quiet for a few minutes before Denise figured out who it was.

"Derek?"

"No shit it's Derek! How is she?" he snapped.

"Derek I-"

"DAMN IT DENISE JUST TELL ME HOW MY DAUGHTER IS BEFORE I GET ON THE NEXT PLANE OVER THERE AND FIND OUT FOR MY SELF!"

The line went quiet again before Denise spoke up.

"Derek before I tell you this, you have to promise me that you won't yell at me anymore. It's not my fault that Maddie got sick so I'd appreciate it if you'd stop blaming me for this!" hjissed Denise.

Derek ran his fingers through his hair and took a few deep breaths.

"Fine, I'm sorry. Now can you please tell me how my daughter is doing?" Derek asked, a little more calmly this time.

"Derek…I honestly don't know. They told me that she wasn't getting the best treatment here in Des Moines and that they were transferring her to another hospital. I just finished packing when you called."

"Denise, what hospital is Maddie at now?" Derek said, trying to refrain himself from growling.

"Derek…"

"Denise…tell me where my daughter is!"

"Seattle Grace,"

Once the words left Denise's mouth and traveled into Derek's ears, Derek went into shock. His daughter was here…in Seattle…and no one had the balls to tell him?  
"Derek? Derek!"

Derek slammed his phone shut and grabbed his keys, heading towards his car. He quickly threw it into reverse and then into drive as he sped down the dirt road.

To say that he was livid was an understatement. To say he was hurt was even more than an understatement. As he drove to Seattle Grace, the memory of Maddie quickly came into his mind…

_"Addison…what are you doing here?" Derek growled._

_He couldn't believe it. He thought he had made it perfectly clear that he never wanted to see Addison Montgomery ever again. But here she was, standing right in front of her with her Prada and Gucci clothes, acting like nothing had happened._

_"What are YOU doing here?" Addison retorted "You left everything -- your house, your wife, your practice. You had a life. Now you have a girlfriend in Seattle. She seems... sweet."  
"Addison I swear if you don't get out of my sight-"_

_"Relax I'm only here because Richard asked me. Oh, and to tell you something…but now doesn't seem like the time," Addison taunted, still with that fake smile on her face._

_"What is it?" Derek spat._

_Addison walked away but then stopped and turned around._

_"Congratulations…you're a father," and with that, she continued to walk down the lobby of Seattle Grace, leaving Derek with a look of confusion on his face_

_--_

_Mark Sloan entered the lobby of Seattle Grace only a few months after Addison had left New York. In his hands were his briefcase and a baby seat with a small 6 month old baby girl sleeping soundly. Walking over to the nearest Nurse's station, he set down the seat and leaned over the counter, trying to get a nurse's attention._

_"Can I help you?" asked Nurse Debbie looking very bored and not fooled by Mark's looks._

_"You look bored. Maybe I can help?" Asked Mark seductively._

_"Sir are you dying?"_

_"Uh…no,"_

_"Are you going to die in the next five minutes?"_

_"No…"_

_"Then there is no way you can help me," concluded Nurse Debbie as she turned back towards her computer._

_"Fine," said Mark, not giving up, "Then can you please page Dr. Addison Montgomery?"_

_"There is no Doctor here by the name of Addison Montgomery sir," answered Debbie, not even looking up from the computer._

_"Are you sure?" asked Mark, confused._

_Getting fed up with this man; Debbie slammed her fists on the counter and stood up._

_"Sir, if you don't remove your self from this hospital right now I will call security on you!" hissed Debbie._

_But before Mark could say anything, something caught his eye. Turning his head, he saw Addison walking down the hall with an intern and clipboard in hand. Grabbing the baby, he ran towards Addison calling her name._

_"ADDISON! ADDISON!"_

_Stopping, Addison turned around to see Mark running towards her with her daughter in his right hand. She stood there in disbelief, as Mark came closer and closer till finally he was only a foot away from her._

_"Addison…" he breathed._

_"Uh Dr. Karev can you please uh, tell Mrs. Carlson that I'll be there in a moment?" stammered Addison, not taking her eyes off of Mark. Confused, Alex grabbed the chart and walked off._

_"Mark, what are you doing here?" Addison asked once Alex left._

_"What do you mean what am I doing here? You said that you would be back in a week. You left me with your daughter for 2 months Addie! So I think I'm the one who's supposed to be asking the questions!"_

_"I told you that it would be a couple of weeks! Mark I called you and explained everything to you and you said that you'd keep Maddie for as long as it would take! So don't you dare start putting blame on me!"_

_But before Mark could say something, Derek came walking down the hall._

_"There you are Addison I've been looking for you! I thought you said that you needed…what the hell are you doing here?"_

_Once Derek laid his eyes on Mark, his voice turned venomous._

_"Derek, I-"_

_Derek looked from Mark to Addison and then back to Mark._

_"Well…this seems familiar. That's it Addison…I'm signing the papers tonight,"_

_"Don't you want to meet your daughter?" asked Mark, holding up the baby seat._

_"What?" spat Derek._

_"What you didn't tell him that he was a dad. Here you go pops," said Mark, handing Maddie over to Derek and walking away. Derek didn't know what to do. He looked down to see a tiny girl with red hair sucking her thumb sound asleep. Disgusted with his wife, Derek set the baby down and walked away, never wanting to see Addison ever again._

_--_

_"DADDY! DADDY WAKE UP! IT'S TIME FOR PRECOOL!" shouted Maddie banging on her father's head._

_Derek groaned as he turned over and tried to go back to sleep. But Maddie wouldn't have it. Huffing, she walked to the other side of the bed, put her face really close to Derek's._

_"Daddy…are you sleeeeeeeeeeping?"_

_Derek just grunted and turned back over._

_"But Daddy…you promised! You promised to take me to precool!"_

_Sighing, Derek admitted his defeat. That was the thing about having a 4 year old…you can never get enough sleep. Opening his eyes, Derek grabbed Maddie and started tickling her all over._

_"DADDY STOP!" squealed Maddie._

_"All right you two that's enough. Maddie you need to go get dressed so daddy can get ready too,"_

_Pouting, Maddie slowly left the master bed room and entered her own._

_"Thank you," said Derek, getting out of bed._

_"No problem…you did promise her though, last night…before you got called into surgery,"_

_Derek nodded, pulling some pants on._

_"I know, but that was before I went into a 6 hour surgery. But it was worth it, she survived and now she's out of my life and I was able to come home to my two favorite girls,"_

_Hha ha ha" Addison laughed as Derek pulled her into passionate kiss_

_"EWWWWW!" squealed Maddie from the doorway. Derek and Addison pulled apart to see 5 year old Maddie with her shirt turned around, hair sticking up in random places, and miscolored socks. Both Addison and Derek laughed as Addison went to go help her daughter correctly get dressed…_

Derek pulled the car into the parking lot of Seattle Grace and parked it. 8 years later, he never thought that his only daughter would be hanging onto life. He could never thank Mark enough for bringing his daughter to him. Even though he could have done it a different way…it was still one of the reasons why they were still friends.

And even though Derek was livid with Addison for a couple of weeks about hiding the pregnancy, it was actually his fault for not noticing it. Was he really that absent to not notice that his wife was 5 months pregnant? Turning off the car Derek stared up into the hospital. He always thought this hospital was the best place on earth. Even though he wasn't there for very long…it was still one of his safe havens. But he never thought that it would be the deciding factor between his only families health.

Opening his door, Derek got out of his car and walked up the steps to Seattle Grace, deciding that he was going to make everyone's life living hell, so he could get out of his own.

---

By the time Meredith was back up in Maddie's room, a crowd had formed outside of it. Pushing her way through (and calling some doctors names that wouldn't be appropriate to repeat) Meredith found her way to the doorway, and entered Maddie's room. Once she was in, she saw that she wasn't the only on. Sleeping in the chair that Meredith was in earlier, was Addison. Deciding not to bother the mother or daughter, Meredith turned to leave, but was quickly caught.

"Meredith?" asked Addison groggily. Closing her eyes in a pained expression, Meredith slowly turned around and put on a fake smile.

"Dr. Shepherd, I didn't know that you were in here. I was just paged and-"

"I was the one who paged you," said Addison getting up.

"Oh," answered Meredith, not moving from where she was.

Addison walked over to Meredith, and for a brief second, Meredith thought that Addison was going to kill her, but instead, Addison wrapped her arms around Meredith and embraced her. Shocked, Meredith just stood there, allowing Addison to hug her, until she finally pulled away.

"Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you for saving my baby girl. She's awake and alive and all because of you."

Meredith was shocked. Maybe she was wrong about Addison. Maybe she wasn't this bitch who was the ruler of hell and was only put on Earth to torture Meredith. Maybe deep down inside she was a loving, caring mother.

"It was my pleasure. She seems like a sweet girl," Meredith said smiling a true smile.

Addison nodded.

"She is. She's the love of our lives. She's the reason why I'm still married. She made my marriage work. I know that I'm making her sound like that's the only thing she's useful for but…I don't know. My love for her is…infinite. I don't know what I'd do without her. She's my world. She's my-"

But before Addison could say another word, the ICU doors slid open and Derek Shepherd entered the room, looking livid, hurt, and surprised all at the same time. Behind him was George and Alex, looking like they had just put all their energy into trying to keep Derek away from this room.

"Derek!" breathed Addison as she ran over to her husband and hugged him.

But Derek just stood there, not even feeling Addison. All of his attention was focused on his daughter who was now wide awake, but the woman who was standing only 5 feet away from him.

**_A/N: Hello all! I'm so terribly sorry that i had to leave you for 2 very long weeks! But the good news is that I passed all my finals (passed being the key word there ;D) and I managed to get all A's during this 9 weeks (which hasn't happened in forever!!!!) so...i guess the hiatus was "worth it". But now I am back and I have terribly missed you all! I was so tempted to update numerous times, but I refrained my self! I hope you all read my a/n "chapter" which expalined everything. But that is all over now! I hope this "long" update is satisfactory...it's exactly 5 pages 10 pt font on word while usually i average aobut 3 pages so.. :D. DEREK AND MEREDITH FINALLY MEET!!!!!!!!!!!!! yay!!! finally right? i know it's at the very end...but hey...they met okay! gosh! ;D  
_****_It's a new year...new semester...new chapter! You guys know the drill...5 reviews...which is like no problemo for u guys! Again...thank you for the 16 reviews last chapter...and as usual a pm is always in store for those who review! Next chapter...let's say...sat/sunday-ish. This wk will b hell w/ shcool work...so that gives me something to keep my mind off of school kay?  
_****_OH and i just got bacak from seeing 27 Dresses...katie heigl was AWESOME in it...great movie...y'all should see it!!! ;D_**


	10. Confrontations

**_Ch. 10: Confrontations  
This chapter is dedicated to b.a.b.i.b.l.u.b.l.i.s.s my new Austrialian friend because she always makes me want to update whenever she updates!_**

Meredith was looking into the eyes of the man who she had loved 7 years ago and now all the memories were flooding back. From the first night in the bar, to the Parkinson's patient, to Addison showing up; the memory of Derek Shepherd was flooding her mind. She could see that he had changed, but not much. His hair was a starting to get a gray tint to it and he looked very tired, but his eyes were still that deep loving blue and had the sparkle in it that caught her eye. But the worse part was that he was giving her, her look. The look which had seduced her in Joe's bar. His 'McDreamy' look and all that was missing was his smile. But his eyes said it all. No matter how much she wanted to, she couldn't break the gaze. Everyone in the room disappeared and it was just her and Derek.

Suddenly, George did a small, fake cough that broke the trance. It felt like she had been staring at him for hours, but it must have only been 5 seconds. Tearing her eyes away from his, she looked around the room.

Addison was watching them, wondering what was going on, Maddie was about to jump out of bed to tackle her father, and George was trying to avoid everyone's gazes.

"I-I should go and let you guys have some time alone," Meredith said, smiling at Addison before turning and walking out the room, as she heard Derek call 'Dr!' but she didn't hear the rest.

Walking down the hall, she didn't know where she was going. She was expecting tears and anger and frustration, but none of that came to mind. It was like she was emotionless. She had always imagined the moment of her running into Derek. She had decided that she was either going to stand her ground and yell, or yell and cry, or just cry and run. But she didn't do either. She just ran. Which was what she was supposed to do, since Derek was there to see Maddie, not her. Derek had come in the room to see his daughter who, last he heard, was hanging on to life. He didn't even know that Meredith was in Seattle when he arrived in that room. But for some reason, she mind kept on telling her that he was there for her. Which he wasn't!

Weaving around the hospital, she found her self in the Nursery. How she got there, she didn't know. She just remembered all the times as an intern that her and George had snuck down here to look at the babies and remember how the world could seem so innocent. Leaning up against the window, there were only about 3 babies in there. But then again, it was like 10 o'clock at night. No mother would be giving birth this late at night. Well, no sane mother. Meredith let a small smile creep on her face as she saw the babies squirm in their blankets; mad that they had to leave the comfort of their mother's womb and enter this stupid, messed up world. She heard someone come up behind, her bust she didn't turn around. She didn't care. She was just trying very hard to get the image of Derek Shepherd out of her mind, and trying to tell her self that she wasn't in love with him anymore.

"You're not authorized to be down here. You're a surgoen!" snapped the voice.

Turning around, Meredith came face to face with Isobel Stevens-Karev.

Meredith just stood there, not knowing what to say.

"Why are you still standing here? I'll call the chief on you," Izzie snapped.

Confused, Meredith finally figured out how to talk.

"Izzie…"

"No, you don't get to say my name. My name is not 'Izzie' to you anymore. It's Dr. Karev. The moment you left without notice, you lost the right to call me 'Izzie'!"

Meredith shook her head.

"Iz…"

"What did I just say? Now I don't care if I'm not Cristina, but I will call the Chief and tell him that you were down here without having a patient down here."  
Meredith nodded as she walked past Izzie who was giving her the stare of death. Once Meredith rounded the corner, Izzie rolled her eyes, and entered the nursery again, feeling no regret for what she did to Meredith.

---

Derek, Addison, and George exited Maddie's room as she fell asleep. Derek, trying not to look at George or Addison, tried to escape without a single word being uttered, but that didn't happen.

"Who was that?" asked Addison, with her hands on her hips.

Turning around, Derek looked at Addison with no expression.

"Maddie's doctor," he answered calmly as he tried to walk away again.

"Derek don't be a smart ass with me. Just…not now," Addison pleaded.

Derek just stood there, giving her a blank look.

"Derek, why aren't you talking to me? I saw the way you looked at that doctor, now I'll ask one more time…who is she?" demanded Addison again.

Derek ran his fingers through his hair and sighed.

"Addison, she's no one. Just…just I thought she was someone else. Please, can we not talk about it? I'll meet you at home okay?" he said, kissing her lightly on the cheek.

"I'm not going home. I'm staying here with Maddie and you would too if you knew what was good for you!"

Derek sighed.

"Okay, I'm…I'm just going to go get some coffee. You want some?"

Addison shook her head as Derek walked away.

Both Addison and George watched him walk away. Once he turned the corner, Addison turned to George.

"Do you know who she is?" she asked George more nicely than she did Derek.

George blinked a couple of times at Addison.

"Never mind," She said, shaking her head, and walking back into her daughter's room, leaving George, torn and confused standing in the middle of the hallway, cursing to himself for letting this happen.

---

Derek stood at the coffee cart, not wanting to buy coffee. He just stood there just in case Addison had followed him, just to make sure he was really going to the coffee. His mind was the farthest away from coffee as it could get. The only thing running through his mind was not the fact that his daughter was awake, but on her doctor in which his love for her had flooded back the moment he laid eyes on her. Don't get him wrong, he was over-come with happiness that his daughter was alive and healthy, but he just couldn't get the idea of Meredith Grey his daughter's doctor.

"Shit!"

He heard a small voice from behind him and he turned around. There, stood Meredith Grey cursing to her self, walking away. It took all his energy to keep him from running over to her and kissing her, but he did let him self run over to her.

"Meredith?" he asked, standing behind her. He could see Meredith's body go cold as she stood dead in her tracks, trying not to turn around.

"Mer, I know it's you," he said softly.

Meredith slowly turned around, and he saw that her eyes were red and puffy.

"Mer-"

"Dr. Shepherd," Meredith addressed.

Derek cringed when he heard her address him by his profession title.

"Dr. Shepherd? Meredith…since when am I…Dr. Shepherd?"

Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Derek…I've played this moment over and over in my head numerous times. But…now is not the place to be talking about this. Shouldn't you be with your daughter anyway?"

"She's sleeping. Mer…"

"No Derek, not here, not now, not ever!"

Meredith turned and walked away. It took all her angry not to yell at him, punch in the face, but most of all, to kiss him. She started to walk away, when he grabbed her arm, and pulled her into an on-call room, locking the door.

"There now you can't escape," he said, guarding the door.

Meredith crossed her arms and stood opposite of him. Finally, after looking into his eyes for a few seconds, she relaxed and turned sat down on the bed. Seeing her crumble, he walked over and sat opposite of her. The room was quiet before she spoke up.

"I'm not going to yell. I promised myself that I wasn't going to yell at you. Yelling wouldn't do any good," she said.

Derek nodded, not saying anything. The two of them sat there again, waiting for one to talk. Finally, not taking it, Derek asked the first question.

"Mer, wh-why?"

Meredith gave him a confused look.

"Why what?" she snapped.

Derek shook his head.

"Why…why did you leave?"

Meredith scoffed before she got up and started to pace the room.

"Why did I leave? Why do you think I left? Derek, the way for me to find out that you have a wife is not by having her show up AND INTRODUCE HER SELF TO ME! Shit…I'm sorry. No yelling,"

"Mer-"

"NO! No. You don't get to call me 'Mer' of give me that look. No. You lost the right to do that after you had me fall in love with you! Damn it Derek I loved you! When I met you, I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with! If you would just told me when we met that night in the bar, none of this would be happening! But no, you had to have me fall in love you before she shows up and tells me that you're married. So Derek, that's why I left. I couldn't stand looking at you everyday for the rest of my career. That would be suicide! Not to mention, having your wife walk around here making me life living hell. So, the way I see it, I had no choice but to leave!"

By this time, tears were streaming down Meredith's face. She fell back into the uncomfortable bed, her head in her hands sobbing uncontrollably.

"Meredith…"breathed Derek, walking over to her and trying to comfort her, but her body went cold once she felt his touch.

"J-just g-go," she sobbed.

Sighing, Derek got up, and walked to the door. But instead of opening it, he turned back around and looked at her.

"I don't blame you," he said quietly, walking back to the spot where he sat before.

Meredith lifted her head,

"What?" she whispered angrily and confused.

Derek sighed.

"I don't blame you. I mean, if you showed up with a husband, I'm sure I would have ran. But, Mer-edith. You have to understand my part of the story. I'm not just the kind of guy to run away and sleep with girls, fall in love with them, and then hurt them by having my wife show up. You've known me long enough to know I'm not that guy,"

Meredith looked away, shaking her head. After no response from her, he continued.

"I was married to Addison for 11 years when I showed up in Seattle. Married her right out of Medical school and we did our internship together. We were…relatively happy. We even tried to have kids. I also had a best friend named Mark Sloan. Same thing pretty much. Met in medical school and became instant friends. He was even my best man in our wedding. All three of us were inseparable. But Mark…Mark could be a nuisance. He's what we called a man-whore. Slept with every girl he laid eyes one, except Addison of course. Well, that was until one night I come home. For the past couple of months, Addison and I had been distant. I don't know why. We owned our own practice, so we worked a lot. But one night, it was rainy and cold. All the lights were off in the house and it was an eerie quiet. I thought Addison was already asleep, so I let my self in quietly and made some coffee before going to bed. That was when I noticed something wrong. There was a jacket on the chair. A jacket that wasn't mine. Then there was a sock in the middle of the hallway. I followed the trail of clothes up to my room. I opened my bedroom door to see my wife ontop of my best friend, moaning his name the way she used to moan mine,"

Derek took a deep breath and continued.

"Let's just say after that I couldn't' look at either one of them the same. So, I grabbed all my clothes, a suitcase and left. The next thing I knew, I was in Seattle, signing a deal with my old mentor. Then two days later…I met you. I thought you were just going to be some girl who I'd never see again. I wasn't trying to use you, please don't think that. But, when I saw you the next day, I couldn't get you out of my mind. You weren't revenge. You weren't a flink. You were like coming up for fresh air. It's like I was drowning and you saved me."

The room was quiet again. Meredith's sobs had subsided.

"Derek…I'm so sorry…but…that's not good enough. I'm sorry,"

And with that, Meredith got up, and walked out. Wiping a tear from her eye, before taking one last look at Derek with his head and his hands, before shutting the door and walking away, leaving Derek alone in the darkness just like she had 7 years ago.

**_A/N: I know..it's shorter than the last chapter...but it was orginalyl shorter. Then i went back and added the whole Derek spilling his guts stuff...so. :D. Ummm...not much to say really. I'll add more Mer confronting izzie and cristina next chapter. Um...ya. lol. I'm kinda brain dead right now. So i hope you guys like this chapter:D.  
THANK YOU TO EVERYONE AS USUAL WHO REVIEWED! i love getting up in the morning or getting home from school and seeing like 20 new messages in my inbox. It makes me feel very happy. And i love pming. So as usual...5 reviews new chapter. :D...let's shoot for next sunday okay? i'm going to the Hannah Montana 3D movie thingy (yes i love hannah monatana :P) so i'll try to get it up aroud the same time as now. :D_**


	11. Crap

**Ch. 11: Crap**

**_Disclaimer: No matter how much I wish i did, I do not own the very hott and talented Jonas Brothers or Hannah Montana :(_**

Meredith woke up the next morning in a very uncomfortable on-call room bed. The day before had been extremely long and when she woke up, she was praying it was all a dream. But unfortunately it wasn't. Rubbing her eyes, she looked at the crappy five-dollar alarm clock on the end table that read 7 o'clock a.m. She couldn't remember the last time she slept till 7 o'clock, but it felt good. Stretching, she got up off the bed, clipped on her pager and opened the door to start another very long day.

As Meredith walked down the hall, a couple of nurses did a double take just to make sure that they weren't hallucinating Meredith. But Meredith just kept on walking, annoyed that the nurses still hadn't found something better to do in her 7 year absence. As she rounded the corner to the "A" elevators, Meredith mentally went over her "to-do" list for the day. Check on Maddie and avoid Derek, yep, that should be about it.

The elevators dinged as Meredith started to walk into the elevator. But, once the door had opened all the way, severely regretted taking it. There, standing in the middle of the elevator was Dr. Cristina Yang-Burke, looking straight at Meredith with an icy cold gaze. Bracing her self, Meredith took a deep breath and stepped into the elevator, trying to avoid Cristina's eyes.

The ride down was awkward and silent, seeing that they were the only two people in the elevator. Meredith was trying to think of something to say to her best friend 7 years ago, but nothing seemed right. Finally, Meredith mentally said 'screw-it' and opened her mouth, just to see what randomly came out. But before she could say anything, Cristina spoke first.

"No, you do not get to talk to me. You don't get to look at me; you don't get to talk to me, hell you don't even get to breathe the same air I do. You have no right to so anything that involves me!" hissed Cristina, still not looking at her.

"Cristina-" Meredith started, still stunned by Cristina's reaction.

"It's Dr. Burke to you," spat Cristina as the elevator doors opened and Cristina walked out, even though it wasn't her floor.

Sighing, Meredith turned around and leaned against the bar in the back of the elevator, waiting for the doors to close. She heard another person enter, but she didn't want to acknowledge them.

Only a couple of more weeks and you'll be out of here, just hang in there. You're here for Maddie.

"Bad morning?" asked a voice that she knew all to well. Looking up, Meredith saw Derek looking at her, with a worried look on his face.

"No, I actually just woke up. I'm up to see your daughter," said Meredith icily.

Derek sighed.

"Meredith can't we be at least civil about this?" Derek asked.

Meredith shook her head.

"I have no reason to be civil to you," hissed Meredith as the elevator doors opened and Meredith got out.

"Meredith!" called Derek, but Meredith didn't even turn around. She knew this wasn't Maddie's floor, but she didn't think that she could stand another minute in the elevator with him.

Walking angrily, Meredith wove her way around the floor, not recognizing where she was. But, instead of getting the chance to see what service she was on, Meredith received a page. Clipping off her pager, she was scared that it was about Maddie. But, once reading the screen, Meredith became confused. Thinking it was better just to answer it and not ignore it, Meredith turned around and started to run towards the stairs and down to the ER.

--

Throwing on her PPE, Meredith entered the ER to see 3 incoming cases.

"TRUAMA I!" she heard someone yell. Not caring if it was to her or not, Meredith quickly ran into Trauma room I, still wondering why she was being paged.

Throwing open the door, Meredith saw 46 year old female who was lying on the table unconscious.

"What do we got?" Meredith asked, quickly examining the lady.

"46 year old female was hit head on by a drunk driver. She hit her head on the steering wheel and was not wearing a seat belt," recited the EMT handing her the chart.

"Well, has anyone started CPR?" snapped Meredith.

Everyone in the room exchanged looks, which only made Meredith even angrier.

"WHAT?" she bellowed.

"Well, she was pretty much DOA…" started the EMT. This made Meredith go off the edge.

"I DON'T CARE IF SHE WAS DOA! YOU BROUGHT HER HERE DIDN'T YOU? I NEED YOU TO DO CPR UNTIL I SAY STOP!" Meredith screeched, even though she knew that this lady was long gone.

Rolling his eyes, the intern stepped forward to begin CPR, when all of a sudden, the lady took a breathe.

Raising her eyebrows in a 'I-told-u-so/ what-the-hell' look. Suddenly, the door opened to reveal Cristina who was very mad.

"You paged?" asked Cristina exasperated, not aware that Meredith was in the room, until she looked around and saw her.

"No I didn't page you. Someone paged me when they shouldn't have," snapped Meredith.

"Well then why the hell are you in here?" asked Cristina, getting mad.

"Because I was paged! I don't ignore pages!"

"Ya, just like you don't ignore your friends?" muttered Cristina under her breath as she pushed the intern out of the way and looked over the lady.

Rolling her eyes, Meredith pushed the chart infront of Cristina's face.

"Here, you might need this," said Meredith sarcastically as she tore off her yellow gown and exited the room hearing Cristina mutter 'good riddens' right before the door closed.

Ignoring the comment, Meredith made her way out of the ER and up to Burke's office to give him a piece of her mind.

--

Meredith burst into Burke's office fuming mad.

"WHY WAS I PAGED?" screeched Meredith.

Burke looked up and Dr. Miranda Bailey turned around to see who was yelling.

"Shit shit shit shit," muttered Meredith seeing her former boss and mentor staring right at her.

"You're back," stated Bailey in a non-emotional voice.

Turning to leave, Burke quickly stopped her.

"Meredith wait!" he called.

Meredith stood there with her hand on the doorknob not looking at Burke.

"Please, sit down and…talk," he said as calmly as possible.

Closing her eyes, Meredith let go of the doorknob and turned around.

"Dr. Burke, I mean no disrespect, but I've been here for less than 2 days and already I've been treated like scum and your wife is the tip of the iceberg," said Meredith, staying rooted to her spot.

Bailey made a small noise as if to say 'wow can you believe that?'

"Miranda," scolded Burke quietly.

"SEE!" shouted Meredith pointing at Bailey.

Burke took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.

"Did you actually expect anything less?" snapped Bailey, turning around and looked Meredith straight into her eyes.

"Miranda out!" shouted Burke pointing at the door.

Bailey got up and exited the room, giving Meredith a disgusted look. Once the door closed, Burke gave Meredith an apologetic look.

"I'll talk to her. And Cristina. I'll talk to the whole staff and tell them to stop treating you like crap," began Burke, but Meredith shook her head.

"No, Dr. Bailey is right. It's my fault. I left," said Meredith, taking Bailey's seat.

But Burke wouldn't hear it.

"That still doesn't give them the right to treat you like an infectious disease! I was the one who told the nurses to page you. I was hoping that you being down in the ER and running a trauma would help regain your respect,"

Meredith gave Burke a confused look.

"Yes well, someone also paged Cristina," she pointed out.

Burke nodded.

"Apparently, one of the nurses thought it was alright to go behind my back and do the exact opposite of what I ask,"

Meredith laughed.

"It's part of the job description isn't it?"

Burke smiled.

"Now this is the Meredith that we all know and love!"

Meredith gave a small smile.

The two of the sat there, going over the 'good ol days' when they were interrupted by Meredith's pager.

"It's Maddie," whispered Meredith looking at the pager.

"You should go," said Burke. Meredith nodded as she got up and walked towards the door.

"Oh and Meredith!"

Meredith stopped the door halfway open.

"Please, just…wait it out a few days before going straight back to Des Moines. Consider doing your fellowship here,"

Meredith just smiled at Burke as she exited the room, leaving Burke confused about her smile.

---

Addison was sitting in Maddie's room when Meredith arrived. Her pager hadn't said '9-1-1' but Meredith was still worried about what was going on. But once Meredith entered the room, she saw that there was nothing wrong at all.

"You paged?" asked Meredith, walking over to Maddie and looking over her chart. Addison looked at Meredith like she was crazy.

"No, I didn't page you. Everything is going fine," explained Addison.

Meredith, equally confused, walked over to Maddie's stat machine and looked it over.

"She looks fine and healthy," said Meredith, checking the capillary refill, "But I want to run a CT scan for precautionary reasons. Even if this page wasn't meant to be," Meredith glared at the nurses who all of a sudden busied themselves, "I've been meaning for Maddie to get a CT scan anyway,"

Meredith squeezed Maddie's hand as she gave both of them a smile. But before Meredith could exit, Addison's pager went off.

"Damn, I told them I'm off until further notice, excuse me…I'll be back later Maddie," said Addison, giving Maddie a quick kiss on the forehead and exited the room.

Once Addison left, Meredith walked over to Maddie, who had pulled out a laptop.

"That yours?" asked Meredith, very intrigued that an 8 year-old had a laptop.

"No, it's my dads. But he gave it to me to use while I'm here. It's better than watching the TV which doesn't get Disney Channel," said Maddie.

Meredith laughed.

"You like Disney Channel?"

Maddie nodded eagerly.

"Hannah Montana is my favorite show. But the Jonas Brothers are my really favorite!"

Meredith laughed, as she sat down on the corner of Maddie's bed and looked at the laptop. The desktop was covered in Jonas Brothers pictures and one of them was taken with her with them.

"You've met these boys?" asked Meredith, getting interested.

Maddie nodded eagerly.

"Nick even hugged me! I almost died!" squealed Maddie.

Meredith laughed. She didn't care that she had no clue who these brothers were, all that mattered was that she loved spending time with Maddie. It was like Maddie was Meredith's little sister. Than had bonded instantly.

"This is my favorite episode! It has the Jonas Brothers in it!" explained Maddie, popping in a Hannah Montana DVD. Meredith shrugged as she clipped off her pager and set it on the table.

"Sure. I'm all yours for now," said Meredith as she snuggled closer to Maddie and leaned it. Suddenly, the Hannah Montana theme song stated to play, and all of Meredith's worries soon faded away, as she was pulled into the mind of an 8 year-old and she was actually having fun. At the moment, she wasn't Maddie's doctor. Instead, she was Maddie's big sister, someone who Maddie needed most, at a time like this.

**_A/N: can you say filler? i hate this chapter. w/ all my heart i hate it. I'm kinda in a rut right now. I don't know where I want this story to go. I'm also kinda disspaointed w/ the lack of reviews. I only got 7 last chapter and I want to thank the 7 people who reviewed. I know this chapter was crap, but i'll try to improve the next one. But rt now, i'm failing a lot of classes, and so many things are running through my mind, that I'm surprised i even wrote this.  
If you guys don't know who the jonas brothers OR hannah montana is then 1) shame on you! 2) go look at my profile and I'll have some links to fill you in.  
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review! I love to read what you guys say about this. I mean even if you say 'gosh this was shit' i'll be happy! Please, give me input on what you want to see, b/c i might just put it in! Ne thing is better than nothing. remember, 5 is the key! thanks! ;D_**


	12. Baby Doll

**_Ch. 12: Baby Doll_**

**_A/N: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE READ AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE AT THE END!_**

Meredith quietly closed the door to Maddie's room and stood there trying to figure out what happened in the last couple of hours. Addison never really came back from her page and when Meredith asked one of the nurses where she was, the nurse just shrugged and simply replied that she was called into an emergency C-section. Not wanting to leave Maddie alone, Meredith stayed with her and was filled in on the life of Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers.

As Maddie rambled on about her obsessions, Meredith sat there, trying to remember when the last time she had fun. It definitely wasn't in Iowa. She never really had any friends in Iowa. A couple of her peers had tired to bond with her, but after they saw how great of a surgeon she was, they had turned their back on her. Every now and then, a couple of upper residents would give a reassuring smile at her or give her a quick 'hi', but no one ever tried to get to know her. Which, Meredith didn't mind. She had her own life to worry about. She didn't want anyone to complicate things or share her whole life story with. So, for the last 7 years, Meredith had been living in silence. Hell, she was surprised she hadn't turned into a Monk and take a vow a silence or a vow of celibacy and shave her head.

And then it hit her. The last time Meredith Grey had fun, like actual fun, not the fun that consisted of 12 hours in grueling surgery and have her patient wake up and walk home a week later. No, real hardcore, fun. With people. People who she loved and they loved her. The last time she had done something like that, was the night where Izzie threw the party for her so-called 'boyfriend' and her and Derek had sex in the car and Bailey catching them because the idiot of a man had to park his car right in front of Bailey's. Okay, it wasn't really his fault, but whatever…

Meredith closed her eyes, with her back to door, her mind wandering to Derek. She thought about his relationship he had with his wife and daughter. From what Meredith saw in the past day, he was distant with Addison. Like, distant as in, he'd hardly even look at her, forget about talking to her in a full coherent sentence. In truth, it made Meredith happy deep down inside to see Derek not happy with Addison. She knew she had no right to think that way. Okay she did, but wasn't she supposed to be over him? She spent 7 freakin years away from him, so why did she still have feeling for him and thoughts about if he was still with his stupid wife. And then there was that part of her kept on saying 'they're married, you ran, get over it!'

But, no matter how much she tried to listen to that little voice, there was still that other voice that was telling her that the only reason that he stayed with Addison was for Maddie. He didn't love Addison. In truth he still loved her, Meredith Grey.

Meredith quickly pushed that thought out her mind trying to keep focused on the real reason why she was in Seattle. She had to constantly remind her self of it. But seeing him and his…Derek-ness made it harder and harder to stay concentrated on the real reason. The sooner Maddie got better, the faster Meredith could get out of here, and go back to her semi-Derek free life.

"Is she asleep?"

Meredith's trains of thought was broken by the sound of his voice. She opened her eyes to see him looking through the window at his daughter sleeping. One hand was pressed against the glass, yearning for his daughter to wake up and give him her famous smile and his eyes were full of sadness and worry. For the first time since Meredith had arrived at Seattle, the Derek who she had loved 7 years ago, the Derek who was passionate and caring for his patients, was coming through this poser. For a brief moment, he wasn't the guy who she hated with all her heart. He wasn't the guy who had failed to tell her that he was married. No. This was the guy who was seriously concerned about his daughter and Meredith could tell it just killing him very slowly and painfully inside to see his only daughter this weak.

"Ummm ya. She is," answered Meredith looking away from Derek. Hearing the uncertainty in her voice, Derek looked away from Maddie and into Meredith's eyes.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly, his blue eyes turning into sad puppy dog eyes.

"Ya, I'm umm fine. I'm fine. Maddie's stable. I was going to get her a CT scan later, just as a follow up,"

Derek nodded, as he looked back at his daughter.

"I love her with al my heart you know? She's my baby girl. I never truly forgave Addison for sleeping with Mark and I definitely don't regret meeting you-"

"Derek-"

"No, let me finish. I feel in love with you Mer. And if you would of just given me a chance I…"

"What? Were you going to divorce Addison who shows up with Maddie to be with me? Because if you would have, I would have hated more than I do now," Meredith told Derek in an unfriendly tone. Sighing, she tried to calm her self down before continuing.

"It's not that I hate you Derek. I could never hate you. I just hate the decisions you've made that led me to leave."

There was a loud silence after Meredith spoke. Derek stood there, no looking at Meredith, trying to digest what she just said. No matter how much he didn't want to admit it, she was right.

"I gotta go," said Meredith suddenly.

Derek's head shot up quickly just as Meredith expected it would.

"I'll be back later to take her to CT," Meredith said reassuring before turning to leave.

As Meredith walked down the hall, Derek was mentally kicking himself, for not speaking up, and tell her what he's been longing to say since the day she had packed up and left.

---

Izzie was standing at the coffee cart getting her self the first coffee of her morning. She was already in a pissy mood because her daughter had wet the bed over night, so she had to get up extra early to clean the shirts and clean her daughter. Not that it was Ameilia's fault. She can't control her bladder at night, but then again she was 7 years old and fully potty trained.

"Here ya go doc," said the clerk handing over the coffee. Izzie set down the money and without so much as a 'thank you,' she turned around, starting to head towards the packed elevator, almost bumping into George.

"IZZIE!" George shouted, trying to dodge the hot coffee that was spilling out of the overly fully container.

"Sorry George," Izzie said, obviously not sorry, yawning in the process.

"Long night?" asked George, implying something other than working late.

Izzie just gave him a scowl attempting to walk away.

"Izz wait up!" called George.

"George I've got a surgery in an hour and I really need to wake up so if you don't mind…"

Again, Izzie tried to excuse her self from George again, but he was too quick as he stepped in her path.

"George!" snapped Izzie giving up on trying to escape.

"Izzie, I really need to talk to you!" said George as calmly as possible.

Izzie just raised her eyebrows, not saying anything.

"It's about Meredith…" continued George slowly.

"I'm not talking about that traitor!" hissed Izzie.

"Izzie…"

"No George! I'm not talking about it! She left! She's back! End of story. I don't have any reason to talk to her. I have no reason to be nice to her. I have no reason to even give that disgusting girl who she calls a surgeon any ounce of energy. Okay so she's treating Derek's daughter, whose all our kid's friends, yay good for her, but that doesn't give her any points in my book,"

"But Izzie…"

"No George. You listen to me. Remember when she first left? We stayed up all night by the phone waiting for her to call. But she never did. Ever. Not the next day, not the day after, not on your birthday, or Christmas, or even when her mom died. She never picked up a damn phone and gave us any clue that she was still alive. The moment when she walked out of this hospital, without so much as a goodbye, is the moment I lost all respect for her as a person and as a surgeon. Now if you don't mind, I've got a really important surgery in an hour, and I don't think my patient wants her or her soon-to-be daughter to die because of my tiredness which is not my fault. So if you would just please move,"

At first George just stood there, but then, seeing that he wasn't going to win this round, stepped aside.

"Thank you," breathed Izzie exasperated and walked away from George, trying to push the conversation and Meredith Grey out of her mind forever.

---

Meredith sat up in OR 1's gallery alone. There was no surgery going on, but she didn't care. She just needed to be alone for a while to get her thoughts straightened out and to think through the conversation she had with Derek.

Was the conversation his way of telling her that he still had feelings for her? Or was he all confused because his daughter was still in the hospital and he didn't know what he was saying? Whatever it was, she thought he made one thing crystal clear. Okay, so it was still pretty hazy, but Meredith liked the believe it was clear because of her clues. The clues that consisted of spending all of 10 minutes in a room with both Addison and Derek, but hell, it was better than nothing. But from what she could see, his and Addison's marriage was still bumpy.

Shaking her head, Meredith sighed and put her head in her hands.

"What's wrong with you? Shepherd's daughter too hard to handle?"

Meredith looked up at the sound of the very familiar icy voice.

"What do you want?" asked Meredith, too tired to fight.

"Well seeing that you're in my favorite thinking place, I'm kicking you out of it," said Cristina 'matter-of-factly'.

"Well you won't have to because I was leaving anyway," snapped Meredith heading for the door.

Cristina scoffed as she turned her back against Meredith and sat down.

Meredith headed for the door, but something inside of her stopped her from continuing. Turing around slowly, a day of hatred started to boil up inside of Meredith, and it was time for it to be let loose.

"You know what, no I'm not going to go. I was here first, so you have on right to kick me out!" napped Meredith, walking back to where she was sitting.

"You've got to be kidding me!" shouted Cristina, getting close to Meredith. Both girls stood there glaring at each other, before Meredith said something.

"What have I done to you? What have I done in the day that I've been here that makes you think that you have the right to treat me like, like, like a freakin intern? I have done nothing to you!" yelled Meredith.

"You want to know what you've done? Are you really that stupid?" asked Cristina, jabbing a finger into Meredith's sternum. "You listen Grey because I'm only going to say this once, and the next time I have to say it, you're going to wish you were never born!

You left! You left all of us! You were our medium. You were friends with all of us. Hell you were even friends with Alex in some sort of weird crazy, psychotic way, but you threw that all away just because he had a wife! And it's not the fact that you left, it's the fact that you didn't bother to call or write to explain. Sure we knew, but still. We could of all been here for you and you would of gotten over it. But no, you ran like a coward and guess what, the moment you ran, is the moment, you decided your fate.

You have no clue what a hell of a year that intern year was like! Did you that I was pregnant? Ya I was sleeping with Burke and he got me pregnant. And I put your name down on the emergency contact list because apparently when you have an abortion, you have to have someone on a list. So you were my person. But that didn't matter any more because you left. So Izzie became my person. Not hat that mattered anymore, because I had an ectopic pregnancy. Ya I lost the baby, and both fallopian tubes. So I'm sterile. No babies for me.

Oh and Izzie. Ya, she fell in love with a patient and practically killed him. But no, you weren't there doing his EKG's and other stupid tests we had to run, to get him to the top of transplant list to get a new heart, JUST FOR HIM TO DIE A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER!

Oh and I'm sure you heard about the bomb. Ya, George almost died that day Meredith! He had his hand on live ammunition and you weren't there.

So you want to know what you've done? You took your self out of your friend's life. You eliminated yourself from everyone's picture. Everyone who needed you. And then you come back, strutting in the hospital, like you own the place, just because you're treating Shepherd's daughter. Ya I've seen all the medical journals about how you're ahead of all the other residents. Well, that doesn't impress me, because to me, your just a lying, sneaky, bitch, who doesn't care about anyone but yourself Sure George and Alex forgave you good for them. But as for me and Izzie, we'll never forgive you, not as long as you continue to stand here, and act like nothing happened in the past 7 years. !"

Cristina would have continued, but her pager went off. Looking at Meredith one last time with a disgusted, look she ran out, leaving Meredith, standing there, with her hands balled up in a fist, wanting to punch the shit of Cristina. But instead, she unclenched them, and screamed her lungs out. Screaming for all the stress, tension, and crap that she's been getting from the people, who she supposedly called her friends. But, her screaming was cut short, by the sound of her own pager. Sighing, she clipped it off, and read it before heading down the stairs of the gallery, and back to her job, trying to push Cristina out of her mind.

---

Still mad, Cristina made her way into Burke's office, wondering why the hell he was paging her. Seeing the door open, she walked in, and stood there, arms crossed, and foot tapping impatiently.

Hearing the familiar tapping, Burke turned around in his chair, and took off his glasses, rubbing his temples, before confronting his wife.

"Why? Why must you be this way to her? She's scared and she's back here. She's in a place that I'm sure she doesn't want to be in. And you're not helping," he said calmly.

Crisitna rolled her eyes.

"Look, I'm not going to repeat everything that I just said to her. But I will say this. She was supposed to be my person. When I was pregnant, she was the one I was going to call and tell. Then she left. I needed her, and she wasn't there. So as far as I'm concerned, she has no right to be treated like a friend anymore,"

Burke gave Cristina a weird look.

"Is this what this is all about? Her not being there when you were pregnant? You're holding a 7 year grudge over something as petty as that?"

"Petty? You obviously weren't there since you're the one who broke up with me!"

Burke sighed, putting his glasses back on.

"Look, I'm not saying that you need to greet her with open arms and kisses. But what I am saying, is that you better start treating her with at least some respect, because you never know, you might need her when she's here, and because you treated her like crap, she'll hesitate in helping you,"

Cristina gave Burke a puzzled look, but before she could say anything, he dismissed her.

"I'm sure you have patients to check up on,"

Rolling her eyes, Cristina headed towards the door, but stopping short of it.

"How is Maddie doing?" she asked, her mood totally changing in a matter of seconds.

"I don't know, why don't you ask Meredith?" asked Burke, not looking up from his paper look.

Sticking her tongue out at him, Cristina walked out of the office, mad that he had pulled the Chief card on her.

---

Meredith walked into Maddie's room, seeing her wide awake and alone.

"Hey Maddie, where's your dad?" asked Meredith, picking up Maddie's chart.

"He was here?" she asked, propping herself up on her elbows.

"Ummm, I don't know. I was just wondering if he was here with you. You're mom ever come back?"

Maddie shook her head, obviously not hurt by her mom's absence.

Meredith smiled as she walked over and sat on the edge of Maddie's bed.

"So no more Jones Brother's?" Meredith asked.

"JoNAS Brothers. JoNAS!" Maddie corrected.

Meredith laughed a pure, non fake laugh at Maddie's correction.

"Okay JoNAS Brothers," Meredith said, putting emphasis on the 'nas'.

"Nooooooo the nurse said that I had to put it away," said Maddie pouting.

"Well, staring at the screen isn't good for you. Especially since you've had brain surgery,"

Maddie sat back in her pillows and pouted. Hating to see her like this, Meredith tired to think of something to cheer her up.

"Hey Maddie, I promised your parents that I'd do a follow up test on you. But first, how about we go for a little walk. Huh? How about outside?"

Maddie's eyes lit up at Meredith's suggestion. Taking that as a yes, Meredith walked out of the room, and returned with a wheelchair.

"C'mon, let's go for a little stroll. The sun is shining, which I've heard that never happens here,"

Maddie nodded

"Daddy always takes me outside when the sun is shining," said Maddie, jumping into the wheelchair.

Meredith laughed as she wheeled Maddie out of the room, and into an elevator.

A few minutes later, the two of them were strolling on the sidewalk outside the hospital by the garden. Meredith couldn't stop laughing, watching Maddie struggling to catch a butterfly. She wanted so badly to let Maddie out of the wheelchair, but she didn't want to risk anything. But, seeing Maddie longing to get up and stretch her legs Meredith almost let her, but she knew that Addison would probably come up behind her and yell at her. So Meredith had to keep Maddie in the wheelchair.

"Mereydith?"

"Yes?" asked Meredith, trying not to laugh at the way she pronounced her name.

"Will you be my mommy?"

Meredith was taken back at Maddie's question, that it took her a minute to respond.

"M-maddie, you have a mommy. And you don't even know me. I can't be your mommy," Meredith explained.

Maddie shook her head.

"My mommy doesn't spend time with me. She's always at work. You spended time with me. You sat and watched Hannah Montana with me just like my daddy does. And my daddy doesn't even like my mommy,"

Meredith shook her head. Even though this was what Meredith wanted to hear deep down inside, she wouldn't have it.

"Maddie, your daddy loves your mommy. That's what you are here. And…you don't know me. I can't be your mommy because I spent a couple of hours with you. You're daddy doesn't even…."

"He doesn't what?"  
Meredith shook her head.

"I'm sorry Maddie. But umm, I really need to take you for that test now okay? But I promise, I'll take you back out here again soon," said Meredith, trying to change the subject.

Maddie nodded, letting Meredith wheel her back. But Meredith wasn't concentrating on where she was going. Her mind was working overtime, trying to sort out what Maddie just told her and thinking if she should tell Derek or not.

**_A/N: I hate to do this...but i have to go on another hiatus. I wnated to give u guys antoher chapter before i left. My grades really suck right now, and I need to concertnrate on schoo. I'm even cutting my slef off from aim/myspace/and facebook. so ya..this is serious. I'm also sorry for not updating last week! I had so much stuff to prepare for, for monday (golf touranment which i won and violin contest which i kicked ass ) and tuesday (jonas brothers concert) that i never got to sit down. So..this is kinda a long chapter. It's almost 6 pages on word :D. lol. i want to thank all of you who reviewed last chapter. It always makes me happy when i wake up in the morning and see a butt load of reviews. PLEASE KEEP THEM COMING!!!  
I don't know when i'll update again...but PLEASE DON'T ABANDON ME! A FEW OF MY READERS DID AFTER MY FIRST HIATUS...AND IT MAD ME SAD...PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! DON'T DITCH ME! i'm like a famous band...whose loves their fans, and depends on them. please...you guys are my soul and my feedback!_**

**_again...i'm sorry for leaving you guys. i'll try to get back to this asap. i love you guys :D and hey least the writer's stike is over :D_**


	13. Underdog

**Ch. 13: Underdog**

**_A/N: OMG I'M BACK!! AFTER LIKE 2 MONTHS!! I'M SOOOO SORRY THAT MY HIATUS TOOK LONGER THAN EXPECTED!! But now the 9 weeks is over and a new one is starting yay! So ya...ummm I do not own the song Underdog by the Jonas Brothers...and this chapter is dedicated to MCLOVINMCDREAMY!! I've promised her this chapter for like a month now! :D So w/o further adou:_**

Meredith sat at Joe's bar drowning tequila shots like they were water. Even though she had given up tequila when she moved to Des Monies, she thought that under the current conditions, she had a reason to be drowning her misery in tequila. Just like the good ol' days.

After slamming her seventh shot down, she wiped her mouth with the back of her sleeve and looked up. Joe was currently tending to another customer, so he didn't see that she was waiting on a refill. Which was probably good thing since she did have to go back to work in the morning. Work. That was the whole reason why she was here in the first place. Work and what had happened in the last 12 hours…

After the little incident in the garden, Meredith had promptly taken Maddie to the CT scan. Whenever Maddie had asked her something on the way up, Meredith only answered in one or two words, nothing more. Finally after a while, Maddie just gave up and sat in the wheel chair, with her arms crossed pouting. Meredith hated to see her act like this, but she didn't see how she had a choice. This girl thought that she was her mother! They had only known each other for five days, and yet it feels like they've had a bond for a lifetime! Maybe there was the special connection between them on some sub-conscience level when Meredith performed surgery on her which made Maddie think that Meredith was her mother. But, Meredith had never believed in that kind of stuff. But now adays, she didn't know what she believed in anymore.

Thankfully Maddie's CT had come back clean, but after that it was the last Meredith had seen her. After Maddie was taken back to her room, she briefly explained to Derek (with making limited eye contact) that there was nothing visible wrong with Maddie, but she still needed to stay for observation. She then told the intern to page her if anything had changed, then exited the Shepherd world for the rest of the day.

Not knowing where to go, Meredith wandered the halls of Seattle Grace for hours on end. Nothing had changed in the 7 years that she had left. People still stared at her whenever she came in eyesight, and quickly stopped talking when she walked by. But now it had moved from interns and nurses to attendings and even patients. But Meredith didn't care. She was immune to it by now.

Turning corner after corner, it was like Meredith was in her own little world. If she saw any of her "friends", she would quickly veer the other way and find an alternate route to no where. Finally, she found herself sitting in OR 2 gallery for the next 5 hours watching mind numbing surgery after surgery. Mostly it was ortho cases and one or two perfed valves. Something Meredith could do with her hands tied behind her back, but she didn't' care. As long as she was away from Maddie, everything was good.

It was like Meredith didn't like Maddie. She had actually grown on Meredith in the last couple days. But the moment Maddie asked her to be her mother, she knew something had to be done. Sure Addison was surgeon, and everyone knew that surgeons don't have much of a life, but so was Derek. Of course, Meredith wasn't a man, but still. Was Maddie seriously lacking a mother? Was Meredith more of a mother to Maddie in two days than Addison had ever been in 8 years? No. Meredith couldn't think about Maddie anymore. This is why she had come to Joe's. To get away from work and the baggage that came with it!

"Hey Mer,"

Meredith slowly and drunkenly turned her head and faced the voice. George and Alex had come by and sat on either side of her and was now looking at her like she was a wounded puppy.

"What?" she asked defensively, and a little too loudly (people who were around them stared at her with an annoyed look and quickly moved to another table).

"Meredith, this isn't healthy. You need to go home. Sleep, clear you mind from worries for a while, ta-"

"Not drown you self in tequila!"

George gave Alex a look, which he quickly blew off. Rolling his eyes, George continued.

"Mer, we don't know what happened back at the hospital, but what we do know is that drinking your self into a drunken slump is not the answer. Which you know that perfectly well,"

Meredith sighed loudly, and looked at George.

"You're point?"

At this point, Alex had, had enough.  
"What is wrong with you? You're back in your hometown, treating Shepherd's daughter! Okay fine, so you _are_ back in you hometown and you _are_ treating Shepherd's daughter. So freakin what? You're acting like this is the end of the world, when in reality, it's just the boost you need for your career! You can now get out of that shit hole of a place that you call a hospital back in the middle of no where and go some where ten times better!" shouted Alex.

Meredith just sat there, playing with her glass, acting like she didn't hear a word that Alex said. Finally, he just threw up his hands and walked away. George watched him go and then turned to Meredith.

"As much as I hate to say it, Alex is right. You need to get over this and start to focus on important things. Like Maddie, or else she's going to die and you're going to end up doing something you regret," George said, sternly but caring as he got up, letting Joe know not to let her drive home.

After George had left, Meredith had motioned for Joe to pour her another one.

"Sorry Doc, I'm not pouring you another. You've reached your limit,"

Meredith gave him a look that said 'boy you better pour me another or else you'll be dead quicker than you can shout help!'

Shaking his head, he reluctantly poured her another shot, but before the glass touched her lips, someone had taken the shot glass away.

"Hey!" she yelled angrily, but quickly shut her mouth when she saw who took it away from her.

"Joe please don't tell me that you were about to let this…person drink more alcohol," snapped Cristina.

"Hey, she has a scalpel and I wouldn't doubt her that she would use it against me," said Joe, bringing out his rag and cleaning the bar. Rolling her eyes, Cristina slammed down the glass and grabbed Meredith's arm.

"C'mon," she hissed.

"Letgoofme!" slurred Meredith. But Cristina didn't say anything as she dragged her to her car and threw her in the passenger seat.

"Let me out!" yelled Meredith, but Cristina just continued to ignore her. Giving up, Meredith stuck her tongue out at Cristina and crossed her arms, pouting like a five-year-old.

"Oh please, grow up!" said Cristina as she started to ignition and threw the car in reverse and pulled out of Joe's. The car ride was silent. Partly because Meredith was too drunk to form a comprehendible sentence, and partly because she had no clue why all of a sudden Cristina was showing compassion for her. 5 minutes later, Cristina pulled into her apartment complex and killed the ignition and getting out of the car. Sitting there for a minute, Meredith was confused.

"Get out of the car!" hollered Cristina. Not wanting her headache to burst, Meredith fumbled with the seat belt buckle and stumbled out of the car.

"Good Lord how long as it been since you've had a drink?" asked Cristina, watching Meredith struggle.

"S-S-Seven y-years," stuttered Meredith.

Surprised, Cristina outstretched her hand (which Meredith tentatively took) and led Meredith into her apartment.

"We're home!" greeted Cristina, throwing her coat on the chair.

Burke looked up from the paper seeing who the 'we' was.

"Well well Dr. Grey, what a pleasant surprise!" Burke said getting up.

Meredith stumbled over to him, almost knocking him down.

"Ya…she's drunk," said Cristina, getting a glass of water and aspirin down for Meredith. "I'm going to go take a shower," and left the room.

Meredith sat down on the couch, rubbing her head.

"Shit," she muttered, taking the mediation and water from Burke's hands.

"Hard night?" he asked sitting next to her.

Meredith slowly drank the water, savoring the test of the sweetness rather than the bitter alcohol that burned her throat. After drinking the glass dry, Meredith turned to Burke.

"Maddie wants me to be her mom," Meredith whispered.

Burke let out a slow breath and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Wow," he said after a while.

Meredith nodded, avoiding his gaze.

"Does Derek know?" he asked after a few more minutes.

Meredith shook her head.

"I left after she got back from the CT scan and never went back."

Burke nodded.

"You know he needs to know,"

Meredith sighed.

"Ya…"

"But, now's not the time to talk about it. Here, you can sleep on the couch tonight,"

Meredith smiled at Burke.

"Thanks Preston,"

Burke returned the smile.

"Just remember, it was Cristina who brought you here tonight," said Burke before leaving to get the some blankets. When he opened the door to his bedroom, Meredith caught a quick glimpse of Cristina in a towel. Their eyes met for a brief second, before Cristina walked away. But Meredith couldn't stop staring at the spot where Cristina stood, wondering if this meant that things were starting to change.

--

Maddie rubbed her sleepy eyes and looked around the room, expecting it to be empty. But there was her dad, sprawled across her bed in a very comfortable position. Laughing silently, she purposely messed up his hair, just to see if he would freak. In the middle of her evil plan, Derek woke up, wondering what the hell was on his head.

"What the-MADDIE!"

Maddie laughed as Derek walked over to the mirror just to see how far his daughter had gone. Thankfully, it was anything that a brush couldn't fix. Laughing, he walked over, acting like he was going to tickle Maddie.

"NO NO DADDIE! PLEASE DON'T!" Maddie screeched, still laughing.

Collapsing in his own laughter, Derek landed inches away from Maddie's body, tears starting to come into his eyes. Finally, the laughing died down, and both Shepherds wiped tears away from their eyes.

"How are you feeling Princess?" Derek asked, tucking a strand of red hair behind Maddie's ear.

Maddie shrugged.

"Okay, I kinda have a headyache though,"

A little concerned, Derek made a mental note to tell Meredith later instead of jumping into full out doctor dad mode.

"Daddy?"

"Hmm"

"Can Meriey be my new mommy?"  
Derek was a little taken back by this question.

"Maddie, you have a mommy. A mommy that loves bot-you very much. Why would you want Meredith to be your mommy?"

Maddie shrugged.

"Because she loves Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers unlike mommy. AND She spends time with me!"

Derek laughed.

"Honey, not everyone can appreciate Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers like you do. And second, Meredith is your doctor. Of course she's spending time with you! She wants you to get better so you can go home and spend time with your mommy!"

Maddie didn't say anything and Derek sighed.

"I know mommy doesn't spend a lot of time with us. But…her job is more…demanding than mine cough ya right cough, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love you!"

Maddie sighed again, still not talking. Derek laughed.

"C'mon, smile for me!"

But Maddie wouldn't budge. Thinking Derek dug in his pockets for his iPod and pulled it out. Searching for a song, he snuck peaks at Maddie who was still faking mad. Finally he found a certain song and put in on full blast.

_Everyone sees her  
But nobody knows  
She screams in her pillow  
For a better tomorrow  
She hates it  
But she makes it  
Watch out for that girl  
One day she may change the world!_

Smiling, Maddie looked at Derek and soon enough the were both singing at the top of their lungs.

_She's original  
Never trying to fit in  
She's got a way to always go  
Against the grain  
Oh yea!  
Someday they'll see how beautiful she really is  
I know that last will be the first  
The tables will turn cause_

_Everyone sees her  
But nobody knows  
She screams in her pillow  
For a better tomorrow  
She hates it  
But she makes it  
Watch out for Maddie!  
One day she will change the world!_

Both Derek and Maddie erupt in laughter since they changed the last two lines. Forgetting about the previous conversation, both Maddie and Derek spent the next hour catching up on moments that were forgotten. But little did they know that Addison was standing outside the door, listening to even word that was being said, as a lone tear streamed down her face.

**_A/N: So ya...i hope a lot of you didn't ditch me! I've felt bad about not updating! I really have! I've just never had an idea...i've had an outline for the first half...but i just sat down today and I wrote! YAY!! lol. So yes. I plan on returning to my normal schedule and trying to update every weekend. Regionals are coming up in 2 weeks along w/ MORP...but after that, i'm free! We've got like 9 weeks till summer so YAY!! AND GREY'S IS COMING BACK ON THE 24TH!! YAY!! Currently Jonas Brothers has overtaken my Grey's obession thanks to the stupid strike! so ya...hopefully my obession will come back full blown not that i'm complaing about my jonas brothers obession so as usual i'm rambling and i'll shut up now and let you guys review!_**

**_PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!! I'm like home all day tomorrow...and even though i have a TON of make-up work (i missed 3 days of school due to golf AND i've been sick yuck) so maybe i'll start a new ch. ANY IDEAS ARE WELCOME!  
5+ reviews will not only make me INCREDIBLY HAPPY B/C I KNOW YOU GUYS DIDN'T DESERT ME but also make me update faster :DDD_**


	14. Competition

**Ch. 14: Competition**

**A/N: I'm back...again! :D ha ha, ya I know it's been forever, but I hope you forgive me and I hope this chapter will help you not hate me :D**

Addison walked down the hall, trying to hide her tears

Addison walked down the hall, trying to hide her tears. She couldn't believe what she just heard. Her own daughter, her own flesh and blood, didn't want her anymore. What had happened to the family? Sure her and Derek tried to get along for Maddie, and maybe, just maybe some days he still loved her like he did back in New York, but now her daughter was turning against her. She couldn't handle all of this. Her brain just wasn't wrapping around the fact that her daughter didn't love her anymore.

Turning the corner, Addison almost bumped into Mark.

"Hey, are you okay?" asked Mark, almost compassionately.

Addison looked up at Mark, tears starting to fall, but she quickly wiped them away.

"Ya, I'm fine," she replied, trying to get past him, but instead he grabbed her wrists, and didn't allow her to get past him.

"Okay, we both know that that is a load of bull shit. Now tell me what's really wrong."

Addison shook her head, not looking Mark in the eyes.

"Addie," said Mark softly, lifting up her chin so that Addison was looking right into Mark's eyes. At that moment, her brain started to function again. She realized that she didn't really love Derek anymore. Her love for him was lost ever since he started becoming distant from her 9 years ago. It then came to her that she did love Maddie, but she was also becoming distant from her too. Not entirely on purpose, but Addison never wanted a kid. Okay, so she did when things were still going strong between her and Derek, but now that everything was being held together with fake glue, and she didn't want a kid. A kid just complicated things even more. She realized that, that sounded horrible, but sadly it was the truth. And in that moment, Addison realized that she could tell Mark what was bothering her, and he could actually help her.

"Maddie said that she didn't love me anymore," whispered Addison, breaking her gaze with Mark.

Mark dropped his hand quickly from her chin and looked over at Maddie's ICU room door.

"Are you sure?" he asked, turning back to Addison.

Addison nodded.

"I heard her talking with Derek. She doesn't want me to be her mom anymore! But now…now I've realized that, it's true. And I'm not saying that I don't love her. How can I not love her? But, Mark, I don't want a kid! I did, but now that I've got one I…Derek always wanted a kid. He always wanted a daughter. Now he's got one and he's the happiest man in the world, and here I am…" Addison took a deep breath. She wasn't about to say she regretted having Maddie because there were times where Maddie was her whole world. That Addison laughed because of Maddie and smiled after a long day because of her. "I mean I still love Maddie with all my heart, and that will never change. I'm just not ready to handle a child, and I don't think I ever will be. At least not with Derek. And besides, she wants Meredith to be her mom. She hasn't even known Meredith that long! I mean-"

But Addison was cut short, submersed in her thoughts.

"Addison?" asked Mark, giving her a weird look.

Addison shook her head, and turned and walked past Mark, back to Maddie's room. But before she could wrench open the door, Mark caught her.

"What is wrong with you tonight?" he asked dragging her away from the door.

But Addison fought Mark, trying to break loose from his grip.

"ADDISON!" yelled Mark, trying to get her to snap out of it.

Finally, she quit fighting him and just stared at the door.

"Maddie's doctor, my daughter's doctor, is the same woman who screwed my husband 7 years ago."

--

**The next morning**

Meredith woke up early the next morning to the sound of coffee mugs banging together. Squinting Meredith lifted her head off the pillow but soon regretted it as the headache from last night hit her. Groaning Meredith flopped back onto the pillow rubbing her temples.

"Here, drink this and take this," said a cold voice setting down a cup of coffee and some aspirin. Meredith opened her eyes to see Cristina walking away from her and pouring her coffee into a thermos. Gratefully taking the coffee and aspirin, Meredith sat up.

She watched Cristina move. It seemed like she hadn't changed in 7 years. She was still the same old stingy, stubborn, strict Cristina who still had some problems that she didn't want to share. Taking another sip of her coffee, Meredith decided to try to make conversation.

"Umm thanks for you know…last night,"

Cristina turned and shot her a look and rolled her eyes. Meredith sighed and stood up.

"Cristina-"

"I'm late for work," Cristina shot as she walked out of the apartment, leaving Meredith standing in the middle of the room. Defeated, Meredith sat back down on the couch.

"She'll come around. Just give her time,"

Meredith turned to see Burke walk into the room buttoning up his shirt.

"It's 6 a.m. and she said she was late for work," Meredith whispered.

Burke laughed.

"Meredith you couldn't honestly expect her to come around that easily. She's Cristina! It was a major step for her just by taking you in and not leaving you in a drunken stupor and ending up at the hospital last night."

Meredith didn't say anything because she didn't want to admit that Burke was right.

"So you two got married? I didn't even know that you were together," Meredith said, trying to change the subject.

Burke nodded.

"We were…well erm, sleeping together during her intern year, right before you left. Then, the night you left Cristina found out that she was pregnant and I well…broke up with her. A couple days later she had an ectopic pregnancy and lost both tubes. Then I realized what had happened, and we had a little rough spot, but ever since then we've been fine and going strong."

Meredith nodded. She was happy for Cristina to finally find love and realize that happy endings do exist. Sadly that wasn't the case for Meredith.

"Mer, Addison isn't the wicked witch from the east. She's a really good surgeon and a really nice person once you get to know her. You judged her on a first impression-"

"First impressions are everything," Meredith shot back.

Burke nodded his head and sighed.

"Yes, but if you really get to know her, maybe you two will actually get to be friends. Mer, don't go back to Iowa. Maddie is recovering nicely here because of you. This is the fastest brain injury recovery I've seen in years. Not even Derek could do that. You'd get double the money here AND the publicity. You're career will skyrocket and-"

"Burke I ran away from Seattle because I wanted to become a nobody. I'm going by the name Greyson because nobody knows who Greyson is. Sure it's no use because half the hospital recognizes me, but I want to go back to being a nobody! I want…"

"You want to go back being friendless and miserable doing the same surgeries day after day and having people cower in your presence?"

Meredith didn't answer Burke. He decided not to push it anymore.

"Come in when you want to. It's not that important. I think Derek took the day off to be with Maddie, and I'm not sure about Addison. Just, when you feel ready come on in,"

Meredith smiled and Burke returned it.

"Thanks Burke,"

"No problem Mer."

Burke left the apartment, leaving Meredith sitting on the couch, running through what Burke just told her before getting up and walking over to the bathroom to take a nice long shower before going back to the place where all her problems started, but never ended.

--

Derek quietly closed the door to Maddie's room as he stepped outside into the hallway. He had just woken up from a very uncomfortable position, but it was worth it. He had spent the night with his daughter for the first time in a long time. Rubbing the sleep away from his eyes, he walked over to the nurse's station where Addison was standing.

After she had made the realization of who Meredith was, she went into an on-call room the try to cool down. Unfortunately, her version of doing so was sleeping with Mark, but hey what can a girl do? Still standing at the nurse's station, Addison tried to pretend that she was concentrating hard on one of her patient's charts, but in reality she was watching Derek out of the corner of her eye, trying to see what he was going to do.

Seeing his wife, Derek sighed and walked over to her, and cleared his throat. Acting surprised, Addison turned to Derek.

"You know, she's been asking for you. You haven't been to see her since…gosh Addison I don't know when! She's your own daughter, who was in a life threatening situation and all you have to do is submerse you self in your work? What is wrong with you?" snapped Derek.

Addison looked at him, at a lost of words.

"What-What is wrong with me? Well I don't know Derek. Why don't you tell me? You always seem to blame everything on me lately!" Addison snapped back.

Derek just shook his head.

"You know what, fine. Do whatever you want Addison. I just can't see why a mother wouldn't want to spend time with her daughter since she had to have brain surgery more than once!"

Derek started to walk away, but Addison stopped him.

"She said she didn't want me okay! I heard you two talking last night! I was coming by to say hi and give her, her teddy bear when I heard you two talking. She doesn't want me anymore Derek. If she wanted me I would, but since she doesn't then-"

"CAN YOU BLAME HER ADDISON? You haven't been apart of her life in YEARS! You've been distant from both of us! Ever since you brought her over here 7 years ago, you've seemed distant from her! Was this a way to rub something in my face? Was it a way to get me back? If I remember correctly Addison you used to want a kid. You used to beg me to consider having a child! Now that you have one, you don't want it!"

"That is not true!" she snapped back.

"It's not?"

Addison sighed.

"I did want a child Derek and I knew how much you wanted a daughter. She wasn't planned. She was from that one night that we had sex together in months! I don't know what came over you, but for some reason that night you loved me like you always had. And that's when I found out I was pregnant. But then you left. I was scared when you left Derek. But Mark was there! He helped me through those 9 months and the first few months before I realized that she needed her real father. I didn't bring her here to win you back. I brought her here because I thought she needed a father. Someone who would love her. I always loved her and I always will. She wasn't Mark's so she didn't have that special connection with her. Derek when I saw the look in your eyes the first time you laid eyes on her I melted. I hate to say it, but I never looked at her that way. I guess I'm not the mothering type."

Derek laughed.

"That's a lame excuse Addie. You're just flirting with the phrase 'I don't love her'. Why don't you just say it? She realizes that you don't, so why don't you just admit it to yourself that you don't!"

Tears were starting to well up in Addison's eyes.

"But I do love her," whispered Addison.

Derek shook his head.

"You love her because you feel like you have to. You don't know what love is Addison and you never will!"

Derek tried to walk away again, but Addison got her second wind.

"And what, you think Meredith does? You think Meredith loves her more than I do?" Addison snapped.

Derek stopped dead in his tracks and turned around.

"I know she loves Maddie more than you do. Meredith goes out of her way to check up on Maddie. She sat by Maddie's side one night when you we were gone and watched Hannah Montana with her. Something you never did!"

"Or maybe she's doing it to get closer to you!" Addison hissed.

Derek's face fell in surprise. Addison walked over to him and whispered in his ear.

"I know who she is. Meredith Greyson is Meredith Grey, Ellis Grey's daughter and the girl that you were screwing when you moved over here. Oh and look, here she comes."

Derek turned around to see Meredith walking down the hallway towards Maddie's room, but then she saw Derek and Addison. Before Meredith had a chance to turn away, Addison straightened her shoulders and walked towards Meredith. As she passed her, Addison whispered

"I know who you really are and you're not getting off that easily. You may have won him at one point in time, but you are not getting my daughter too," and Addison turned the corner and walked away. Meredith stood in her tracks staring at Derek wide eyed.

Derek shook his head and walked away. At first Meredith thought about letting him again, but then realized that she was going to have to talk to him soon or later and started to run and catch up with him.

"DEREK! DEREK!" she yelled down the hall, but he wouldn't stop. Seeing him go into an empty elevator, she ran to squeeze in before the door closed and she was successful.

Derek tried to walk out, but Meredith was blocking the doors and she pulled the emergency stop button. After a few minutes of silence, Derek ran his fingers through his hair.

"She knows who you are. She knows that you are the one that I had an affair with after I left New York. She knows that Maddie said that she wants you for a mom and she's going to fight even though she practically said that she doesn't love Maddie herself," Derek explained.

Meredith stood there.

"Derek…" Meredith started but she was soon cut off.

"You know, when Maddie was in Iowa Addison and I were thinking about a divorce. We honestly don't like each other any more. We're staying together for Maddie, and Addison doesn't even like her, which explains why she's been absent Maddie's whole life. But now, since she realizes everything that's going on, she's going to fight. She'll probably won't sign the papers because she wants to win!"

"Derek I don't want to cause a competition-"

"But you have Meredith! God, the first time I saw you walk these halls after 7 years I thought I was going to die. I've missed you Meredith and I want to be with you. I've seen how you and Maddie connect and I see how well Maddie gets along with you. Addison and Maddie never had that. They've hated each other since the start. It's like Maddie is a toy for Addison to get to me. Damn it Meredith I want you not her! I want-"

But instead of finishing his sentence he dove into Meredith and kissed her passionately. After a few minutes Meredith returned the kiss hesitantly. Derek's fingers ran through Meredith's hair as Meredith's hands latched onto Derek's neck. After a few minutes they pulled apart.

"I want that. Addison could never give me that. But now I can never have that because you're here and Addison will do anything to beat you. Damn it, why did you have to be Maddie's doctor?"

And with that, Derek reached over Meredith and pulled the emergency button to get the elevator to start again. But instead of getting off at the floor he intended to, he got off at the next floor, as if he couldn't stand being in the same elevator as Meredith. Once Derek left, and the elevator's doors closed, Meredith slid down on the floor and put her head in her hands.

Damn it Meredith, why did you have to get out of bed on the 25th?

She thought as a lone tear ran down her cheek.

**_A/N: I want to thank all of you who didn't desert me. When i started writing this chapter I didn't plan on having these many hiatus'. But then school got the better of me, and before I knew it, I was taking 2 month hiatus'! And I feel bad, but school kinda came first b/c my grades sucked and I had some rough patches with my home life and i was really stressed and ya. And then grey's came back! YAY! I'm not sure about that season finale, but i liked the candles! the candles were cute :D i can't believe they're going on their 5 season!  
BUt anyway, I end my junior year on the 4th. I have 1 exam to take on tuesday b/c i'm exempt from my others. My school district made a deal w/ us that if we pass our state standardized test, we're exempt from our corressponding finals. being a junior, i had to take the math, science, history, and english test, and i passed them all with flying colors, so i don't have to take those finals. I only have to take my health final on tuesday! yay! lol. which means more updates! if you guys didn't desert me!  
I also have another story going. I started it over spring break b/c i love the jonas brothers. It is a jonas brothers fic and it's posted in the hannah montana section. i'm trying to get people to read it, so i hope you guys will check that out, even if you don't like the jonas brothers OR hannah montana. please do it because u love me! i'll be updating that next, so ya. it's called start all over if you want to look for it.  
and i know i'm rambling so i'm stopping. i'm just hoping that you guys didn't desert me and that i'll get losts of reviews! b/c the reviews make me feel bad and make me want to update! i think i finally know where i'm going with this! i got a lot of ppl on addison's side, so i hope this cleared some stuff up  
Now to wrap up my LONG A/N: 5+ reviews means a new chapter! please let me know how i did and that you guys still love me b/c i definitely still love you! and i love you even more if you acutally read every word of this A/N :DDD_**


	15. Still In Love With You

**Ch. 15: Still In Love With You**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own the Jonas Brothers_**

**_A/N: OMG I'M SOOO SOOO SOOO SOOO SOO SOO SOO x infinity sorry! i don't ahve a good excsuse...but if you want to hear it...read the a/n at the end :D_**

_You left without a single word  
not even sorry  
it might've hurt worse to hear you say  
i'm leaving goodbye  
now your smile still makes my heart sing  
another sad song  
I can't forget won't regret it  
'cuz I'm still in love with you  
_

Meredith exited the elevator, not caring what floor she was on. She just needed to get out of the hormonal elevator. But almost immediately after the doors closed behind her, the smell of gross hospital food hit her and she knew she was on the third floor. Reaching into her scrub pockets, she saw that she had a couple bucks left and headed towards the coffee cart. She really needed a large coffee to try to clear her mind of the past few minutes.

After paying the greasy teenager for her almost cold coffee, Meredith turned to try to find a table when she ran into someone.

"Oh I'm sorry I wasn't-" but before Meredith could finish her sentence, she looked up to the sight of piercing blue eyes.

"Thinking? Ya, I'm sure you weren't," snapped Izzie before turning sharply and walking away. Meredith almost did the same before she got her second wind and ran after Izzie.

"You know what? I'm tired of this. I'm tired of you treating me like dirty scum or or…stool! I know you hate me and all, but do I really deserve to be treated like this?"

Izzie rolled her eyes at tried to walk away again, but Meredith stopped her.

"You owe me an explanation!" hissed Meredith.

"I don't owe you anything. You're the one who owes us an explanation. But since you want one, fine. You left! Without a single word! Not even sorry! It might've hurt less to hear you say goodbye! But you didn't did you? Not even a damn note Meredith!"

"I know I know! I already got this speech from Cristina!" cut in Meredith.

Izzie glared at her and continued.

"Ok then I'll cut to the chase. You were the glue that held us all together! We needed you! You have no clue what kind of hell we went through our intern year while you were off somewhere else! For all we knew you were in Antarctica performing surgery on a freakin penguin!"

Izzie sighed before continuing.

"We knew what happened. But you should of known that we would have been there for you. Sure Derek was an ass for not telling you that he was married. But you would have moved on. Running away wasn't smart Meredith. And not telling your friends who loved you wasn't smart either! You're a strong girl Mer, you would of come through it. Running away shows that you're not strong. It just means that you're a coward. And a surgeon can't be a coward."

The two of them stood there in an awkward silence. Meredith taking in the words that Izzie just said and Izzie wondering if Meredith was going to say anything back.

"You're right," whispered Meredith after a few minutes. "I am a coward. I didn't know what to do. I should have realized that I had a great group of friends that cared about me and would have helped me. I don't know why I ran. But I regret it. I regretted it every single day. With every cut I made in Iowa I thought about you guys. I thought about how you would be choosing your specialty. I thought about how Cristina would be criticizing my technique. How George would be there cheering me on. You there to bake me cookies after a screw up. And Alex…well Alex just being there. It was just…I loved Derek and I thought he loved me. I don't know what commitment is Izzie and with Derek I thought I finally knew. But again, my heart was broken, and the only thing I knew how to do was run. So that's what I did…I ran."

"You've never had a good group of friends who love you have you?" asked Izzie.

Meredith shook her head.

"Izzie, if you knew my past, you'd understand. I'm not asking you to understand or forgive me. I'm just asking for you to stop treating me like total crap."

For the first time since Meredith came back, Izzie smiled.

"I'll do you one better. I forgive you. But not totally. You still have to earn your way back up."

Meredith smiled.

"Deal."

The two girls hugged, before Izzie's pager went off.

"I gotta go. I'll…talk to you later?"

Meredith nodded as she watched Izzie ran off.

_Three and a half down…one half to go_ Meredith thought as she drank her coffee and headed towards the OR gallery to watch a good surgery.

--

Ever since the incident with Meredith in the elevator, Derek had been wandering around the hospital like a zombie. He had so many mixed emotions going on in his head, he felt like a teenage girl! Now he was in the middle of his second surgery and to be perfectly honest, he thought he was going to kill the poor guy.

"DR. SHEPHERD!" yelled Cristina.

Derek shook his head for the hundredth time before looking at Cristina.

"Sorry sorry!" he muttered before turning back to the exposed brain.

He couldn't help it. He couldn't get the idea of Meredith out of his head. How good she tasted after 7 years. How her lips were still the same sweet taste. How he knew her favorite spots and what made her weak. How, even though her hair was darker, it was still wavy and inviting for his fingers. How her eyes still twinkled whenever they made contact with his own. He had missed her so much in the past 7 years. Even when he was having sex with Addison, sometimes he fantasized that he had it with Meredith. Which, he knew, was a very bad thing. But let's face it. Why was he having sex with Addison anyway? It was her fault that Meredith was gone.

Looking up from the brain momentarily, his eyes wandered to the gallery. And that's when he saw her. Her small slender figure sitting in the back row of the gallery. She didn't notice him looking at her, but he sure did notice her. Her eyes looked intently onto the scene of the OR. He saw inside her brain and how it was ticking, trying to figure out what she would do. She took a small sip of her coffee before returning to the sight.

"Derek do you want me to do this surgery? Even though I am Cardio, I'll be more than happy to finish up so you can screw her!" whispered Cristina in his ear.

He shot her a dirty look before finishing up the surgery.

He didn't want to give Cristina the satisfaction that she wanted. Derek knew that Cristina hadn't totally forgiven Meredith. But he did know that she was looking after her; and the only way he knew that was because of Burke. Derek was happy that Meredith was trying to settle in nicely. He couldn't help but feel that it was his fault that she felt so awkward back. But it wasn't his fault! It was Addison's!

"Good work everyone," said Derek in a monotone voice, 20 minutes later as he ripped off his mask and chunked it in the nearest trashcan. Tearing off his gown, he walked into the scrub room and scrubbed out, still in a daze.  
"What the hell is wrong with you? He almost died several times because of you! Are you sure you should be performing surgery?" snapped Cristina entering the room.

Derek just rolled his eyes, trying to walk away.

"Oh no, you don't get to walk away. You're the reason she ran, and you're the reason why she's back. I blame you for everything. You know before you were McDreamy. Now you're just McAss!"

"Fine whatever! I'm McAss! I get it! Are you done?" snapped Derek.

Cristina shook her head as Derek left the scrub room. He walked down the hall and towards the OR board. He didn't have any more surgeries for the day so he was free to go visit Maddie. Sighing, he turned to go up the stairs, but doing so, he knocked Meredith to the ground.

"Wow I'm in everybody's way today," muttered Meredith, avoiding Derek's gaze.

Derek laughed as he held out his hand as he helped Meredith up on her feet.

"I should go…" said Meredith, trying to get as far away from Derek as possible.

"No wait! I saw you in the gallery Meredith. I can't stop thinking about you! I've been a mess ever since you left and bigger mess ever since you've shown up! These last few days I've learned that I can't live without you! Please, stop running away from me!" Derek pleaded.

Meredith looked up into his eyes that were almost filled with tears. She couldn't stand it.

"Derek I can't. You…you're the reason I ran 7 years ago. And now you want me back? You can't do this to Maddie or me. You can't say those things to me. As if Addison isn't in the picture anymore!"

"But she isn't!"

"Oh so you're saying that you guys are getting a divorce?"

Derek opened his mouth several times, but then closed it.  
"See. I just complicate things. I'm the dirty mistress Derek! I don't know if you know this, but the moment Maddie is better, I'm leaving. I'm going back to Iowa. I can't be here with you. I just can't…"

"But Meredith-"

"Derek…"

Meredith shook her head and left down the hall. Leaving Derek standing there.

"But Meredith…I'm still in love with you!" whispered Derek as a lone tear ran down his cheek as he turned and walked up the stairs to his daughter's room.

--

"So you and Meredith are all buddy buddy now?" snapped Cristina as she dug into her salad.

The whole gang was outside eating their lunch. The conversation had been…pretty casual until Cristina brought up the topic of Meredith. Izzie shrugged. The whole gang was outside eating their lunch. The conversation had been…pretty casual until Cristina brought up the topic of Meredith

"I wouldn't go as far and say buddy buddy, but I've stopped treating her like 'stool' as she called it," replied Izzie doing air quotes when necessary.

Cristina rolled her eyes.

"You know, we all know why you have to hardest time getting over Meredith leaving, but why don't you at least give her a chance?" asked George taking a bite of his sandwich.

Cristina shot him a death glare as he retreated behind his sandwich.

"Bambi's right. What is wrong with you?" asked Alex.

Cristina sighed.

"Why the hell do you people care? I took her home didn't I? I gave her a place to sleep so she didn't die drunk at Joe's! Why are you still giving me a hard time?"

The table was silent. Izzie did her 'wow she has problems look' as they all went back to their lunch.

"Thank you! Now can we get off the subject of Meredith? She's not the center of the universe you know?"

Everyone mumbled their okay's, as the table went silent again.

"So I heard Satan found out about you-know-who and now she's out to kick her ass," said Izzie.

"IZZIE!" yelled Cristina.

"WHAT? I didn't mention her name!"

"You know what, I'm out of here," announced Cristina getting up and walking away.

"What's her problem?" asked Alex.

Izzie threw her roll at him.

"WHAT?"

"You're such an ass! I can't believe I'm sleeping with you!" said Izzie dryly.

"You know you like it," said Alex with a dirty smile.

"Oh ok. Ya this is awkward at all," said George. "I'm just going to go before you two…you know…ya."

"Eww gross George! You know I have more self control than that!" defended Izzie.

George just gave her a look as he walked away.

"So now that he's gone…" said Alex seductively.

"You know…you're a pig," said Izzie dryly again.

Alex laughed.

"Yes but you know you love it."

Izzie rolled her eyes. She was just about to stand up to leave when she got a page and soon after Alex's pager went off.

"It's 9-1-1 from Mer," said Alex.

"And it's about Maddie…" finished Izzie. The two of the locked eyes and then sprinted towards the door, wondering why Meredith was paging them and what was wrong with Maddie.

**_A/N: ok so again. I'm so totally sorry. It's been lk a month and a half since i've updated And i'm out of school now so i don't have a good excuse. except we went on vacation for a few days after school got out and then i had a golf tourney. but then i was off for lk 2 weeks and i just got my top wisdom teeth pulled and i had HUGE HUGE HUGE writer's block. i mean i tired to update, but nothing came. so tonight i forced myself down and i turned on some music and i just wrote. and it's not a total filler! i kinda like it :D ok so the last part was a filler and that last sentence was spur of the moment. trust me...i have no clue what's wrong with maddie. i have to think about that lol. so now everyone is ok w/ mer rt now. and derek...ooooooo what happened there? lol. the jb song was spur of the moment too. if u notice...part of it was in izzie's speech. i just started writing and i was lk 'omg...that's a jb song' and i fit it into this story :D lol.  
so agian i'm sorry. i had writer's block. that' smy excuse. we all get it lol. but i think i know where i'm going with this now...and hopefully it won't take me lk a month to update :D lol. so ya. i want to thank all of u r are still sticking with me through this :D i really really REALLY love you guys. you have no idea :D_**

**_so umm as usual. let's make it 5 reviews. i know i get like a lot more than that again thank u but i do'nt want to sound greedy. so 5 is a good number. and i'm not making ne promises when i'm updating nxt. let's just say b4 july ends shall we...sinc eit should be waaay b4 that :D THANKS :D_**

**_mcobsessed aka meghan_**


	16. HideNSeek

**Ch. 16: Hide-N-Seak**

**_WARNING: THIS HAS NOT BEEN PROOF-READ! AND IT'S TOTAL CRAP! SO...ya. it's not my best work. and i'm not sure if u'll like most of it. but..ya. idk. please, if you want, critizie it b/c i need to know what i need to improve on! THANKS :D_**

Izzie and Alex ran into Maddie's room alarmed. All the worse possible scenarios were running through their minds. Cardiac arrest, seizure…death; everything crossed their minds. But when they arrived in the room and saw Cristina and George standing across an empty bed staring at Meredith with a very pissed expression on their face, their worries and concerns evaporated and were replaced with confusion.

"Umm…what's going on?" Asked Izzie, walking over to George.

George just shrugged, but Cristina spoke up for him.

"Yes Meredith, why don't you tell them why you've paged a 9-1-1 and called us here?" said Cristina in a sarcastically nice voice.

Meredith was standing on the opposite side of the bed rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet. She knew what she did was wrong. But it was the only way she could get them up here, since, let's face it, she wasn't exactly on the best of terms with half of them…even if they were all talking again.

"Well you see…" started Meredith, looking at her feet. She felt embarrassed and foolish. Back in Des Monies she was the surgeon everyone feared but looked up to. But here in Seattle she was Ellis Grey's daughter who disappeared at the first sight of her boyfriend's wife (which made Meredith look like a whore and a homewrecker) and then randomly showed up with her ex-boyfriend's daughter dying. In other words, a foolish doctor. Meredith knew that her frie-collegues had every right to be mad at her since Maddie wasn't exactly dying as her page led them to believe. Hell, Maddie wasn't even in the room.

"Meredith…" Alex said, staring to get worried and wondering if Maddie did actually die and they already took her away.

"Okay well you see…I well…umm…I kinda umm…lost…Maddie," Meredith whispered, not looking up from her feet.

The room went silent. Cristina let out a small laugh as if to see that it didn't surprise her but everyone was just staring at Meredith in disbelief.

"What do you mean…you _lost_ Maddie?" asked Izzie, stepping forward, trying to keep her cool.

Meredith took a deep breath, and for the first time looked at everyone in his or her eyes.

"I don't know! I came up here to check on her, and she was gone! I asked all the nurses where she went, but they couldn't tell me!"

No one knew what to say. Cristina mumbled something under her breath but no one caught it.

"Well…if Shepherd's daughter is missing, what the hell are we doing standing around here? Obviously your senses haven't kicked in yet or else you'd already be turning this hospital upside down instead of standing here like an idiot!" hissed Izzie.

"Well…that's kinda why I paged you guys. I was hoping that you'd…"

"Help you? Why would we help you! What have you done to-OW!"

Cristina was just about to pounce on Meredith like a starving vulture, but George elbowed her in the ribs.

"We'd be happy to help you find Maddie Mer, won't we Cristina and Izzie?" George said, giving both Cristina and Izzie death glares.

Izzie just rolled her eyes and nodded. Cristina didn't say anything until George elbowed her again.

"Okay fine I'll help! Gosh!" she yelled.

Meredith smiled at George.  
"Thanks,"

"Well why are we still here? We don't want either one of the Shepherd's finding out what happened do we?" asked Alex. Everyone muttered in agreement and they sorted out who was going to search where and started out on their search throughout the hospital for the most important 8-year-old patient that SGH has seen.

--

"MADDIE! MADDIE! C'MON OUT! YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE SCARED OF!" called Meredith throughout the 7th floor of the hospital. She was working the hardest out of all her friends to find Maddie since…well Maddie was her responsibility. She made sure to check under gurneys since Alex told her that was the one place kids always go and hide. But no such luck. She was about ready to collapse in tears. She just couldn't believe that she lost Madeline Shepherd! There was no reason for her to runaway! She was recovering nicely and Meredith was just going to go up and do some routine check ups and tell her that she might be able to go home by the end of the week! But there was her mom. That would cause anyone to runaway in Meredith's mind. Addison was being a total bitch, to Maddie but then again, that was Meredith's own opinion. She hadn't been around long enough to know if this was normal or just a phase. Turning the corner, Meredith quickly regretted being on the 7th floor (which in turn was Labor and Delivery). Hiding behind the wall, Meredith tried to see what Addison was doing. Luckily, she was only talking to an intern and waving a chart infront of her face. Actually it looked more like yelling but Meredith couldn't really tell. Watching Addison, Meredith tried to think of what to do. She definitely didn't want Addison to see her. And if Addison did see her, Meredith didn't want to talk to her, in case the news of her only daughter running away slipped out. She already wanted to kill Meredith; this would give her the perfect reason to. Turning around, Meredith tried to turn around and quietly walk away, but she wasn't quick enough.

"Dr. Grey?"

Meredith stopped dead in her tracks at the sound of that icy voice. Turning around slowly, she was met by two eyes that looked like death.  
"Ummm yes Dr. Shepherd?" asked Meredith, trying to hide her fear.

Addison eyed her, before continuing.

"I was just on my way down to check on Madeline and to find you. Derek and I were wondering when we can take her home."

Meredith stood there, no knowing what do say. She wanted to yell at Addison for not only calling her daughter Madeline, but for thinking that Meredith would ever release her into the hands of a woman who doesn't even love her! Well Meredith didn't know that last part for sure, but still! Who in their right mind would release an innocent 8-year-old to the hands of...Satan in woman form!?

"Well Dr. Shepherd, I still need to run a few tests, but _Maddie_ is recovering nicely. I would say a couple more days. I still want to keep her here for a few more days to make sure that everything is going all right," Meredith said as professionally as possible. Addison nodded and started to walk away.

"Umm Dr. Shepherd?" Meredith called.

"What?" Addison asked impatiently.

"Wh-Are-Were you going to go down and check on her right now? Because you know she might not…I mean…"

"Dr. Grey is there something wrong?" asked Addison

"No Dr. Shepherd, nothing. Nothing at all!"

Addison nodded and turned at her heel and left. After hearing the clicks of Addison's high heels fade, Meredith started to panic and turn her search into a mad dash.

--

George was down on his hands and knees on the first floor fanatically looking for Maddie. Sure he was getting weird stares from patients, families, and doctors, but he didn't care. He wanted to find his favorite 8 year old, not only because he didn't want his friend fired or because he didn't want her parents to find her first, but because well…she was his favorite 8 year old and he didn't want something bad to happen to her!

"Damn it Maddie where are you? OW!" he muttered under his breath and also banging his head on the chair that he was currently under.

"Dr. O'Malley?"

George turned around to see Mark Sloane standing giving George a weird look.

"Ummm Dr. Sloane…"

"What are you doing O'Malley?"

George stood up rubbing the back of his head.

"Well you see I was uh…looking for my…umm…lucky scrub cap! I've got this big surgery this afternoon and I can't do it without my lucky scrub cap!" lied George.

Mark just gave George a really weird look.

"Okay O'Malley. Whatever you say. Hope you find your…scrub cap."

Once Mark walked away, George sighed a huge sigh of relief. He knew that Mark was the third worse person to find out that Maddie was lost. Obviously the first would be Derek. Or Addison. But Mark was up there too. Scanning the lobby George continued his search, hoping that he would find Maddie before Derek, Addison, Mark, the Chief, or Bailey did.

--

Izzie entered the cafeteria ready to give up. She wasn't trying to find Maddie for Meredith. Hell no! Even though Izzie was being civil to Meredith now, they weren't best of friends who did each other's nails and braided hair. It would take months before Meredith ever got back up to that status again (not that they ever did each other's nails or braided each other's hair…but you get the point!). Izzie didn't know what led her to the cafeteria. Maybe Maddie just snuck down to get something to eat. But whatever the reason was, Izzie was now standing infront of the cafeteria surveying the area. To some random person, it just looked like she was looking for somewhere to sit, but Izzie wasn't only looking for Maddie, but for any signs of Derek or Addison. She knew the danger of having Derek or Addison find her first. Not only would Meredith get in trouble, but she could also. Turning back around, Izzie started to leave. She didn't what to do now. Should she head back up to PediICU just in case that Maddie had turned up out of the blue or should she go to a different floor? Leaving the cafeteria Izzie started to head towards the elevators when she heard the familiar 3 chimes over the intercom.

"Code Blue 3rd floor nurse's station, Code Blue 3rd floor nurse's station, Code Blue 3rd floor nurse's station"

Izzie stopped dead in her tracks. Looking across the hall, she saw a crowd starting to form by the desk. Running over, Izzie forgot all about Maddie and jumped into doctor mode. That is, until she saw who was having the code blue.

"Shit!" Izzie mumbled, pushing doctors and nurses out of her way and kneeled down beside Maddie.

"GET A DAMN CRASH CART OVER HERE!" screamed Izzie, starting CPR on Maddie. A few seconds later a big red crash cart appeared next to Izzie and the paddles were forced into her hands.

"CLEAR!"

Maddie's chest rose a few inches and fell to the ground. Izzie checked her pulse and felt a small subtle one. Sighing a sigh of relief, Izzie wiped beads of sweat from her brow and had to take a few seconds to recollect. She then noticed everyone who was standing over her.

"DON'T YOU HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN STAND HERE? MOVE!" she bellowed and the place scattered. Izzie then turned to a nearby nurse.

"Page Meredith Grey 9-1-1 and tell her that I found Maddie and that I'm bringing her up but she coded so be prepared," she whispered. Izzie then turned to a nearby intern.

"YOU! GET A GURNEY OVER HERE NOW!"

The intern nodded and ran down the hall to get a gurney. Izzie picked Maddie up in her arms and cradled her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"You don't deserve this. You don't deserve any of this," Izzie whispered.

When the gurney arrived, Izzie gently laid Maddie down on the bed.

"Dr. Grey is waiting for you up in Maddie's room Dr. Karev," said the nurse. Izzie nodded as she wheeled Maddie into an empty elevator. Once inside, Izzie looked down at the fragile Maddie.

"We'll get you better soon Mad's…we'll figure out what's wrong," whispered Izzie as she stroked Maddie's hair and a lone tear ran down Izzie's cheek as they took the long ride back to square one.

**_A/N: I really don't like that last sentence. in fact, i hate this whole chapter. i started writing it yesterday, and it was even worse than it is now. but ya...please! tell me in the reveiew if it's crap! i want to hear it! i also want to thank _****_Acajou Amarth_****_ for pointing out how cliche derek's speech to meredith was in the last chapter. sorry...it was late and my freinds wanted me to join this chat room with them...so ya. lol.  
THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU WHO REVIEWED! MY INBOX WAS LIKE FULL!! :DDDDD  
again..5+ reviews. and i'm expecting most of them to say 'this was crap!'...i know it is. sorry again. i'll try better next chapter :D_**


	17. Doing a 180

**Ch. 17: Doing a 180**

**_A/N: I know a lot of you have concerns with Izzie, Meredith, and the house. I thougth I had explained this, but i guess it was all in my head. Izzie is married to Alex and she moved in with Alex. So Izzie does not live in Meredith's house any more. George leased the house out to interns after his intern year and he moved in with Callie. But soon he found the house empty, abondoned, and worn down, so he decided to move Callie and his daughter into the house. So hopefully that clears that up :D_**

Meredith found herself in the radiology room for the second time that week, looking at Maddie's films trying to find an answer to the mystery that shouldn't even need to be solved. She had been looking at these films for the last 15 minutes and yet she couldn't find a reason for Maddie to code. Running her fingers through her hair, she tore down the film from the viewing light and threw them on the table. To say Meredith was frustrated was an understatement. Ever since she had returned to Seattle Grace her life has been nothing but stressful. Putting her head in her hands, Meredith tried to clear her mind of everything and tried to focus all her energy on Maddie.

"You look like you need a drink,"

Meredith lifted her head to see Alex picking up Maddie's films and taking a look at them.

"What I need is someone to put a scalpel to my carotid artery and kill me," Meredith muttered standing up and taking a spot next to Alex.

"I've looked over them and over them and I can't find a reason for her to code. No blood clots, hernia's, aneurysm, nothing!"

"Well how do you know it's in the brain?" asked Alex.

Meredith looked at him confused.

"You know Mer, just because you're a brain surgeon and Maddie is your patient, doesn't necessarily mean that every little problem she has is in her brain," Alex said handing back the films.

Meredith nodded trying to comprehend what Alex just said.

"So you ever find out why Maddie ran away?" asked Alex.

Meredith shook her head.

"I took her to CT and then came here. I haven't seen her since. I haven't talked to any of the nurse's either to see if they knew something, since you know, all of the nurse's are against me."

Alex laughed.

"Not _all_ the nurses. Just…some of them,"

Meredith cracked a smile.

"Ya right. You should know better than anyone what the hated look looks like,"

"Hey hey hey. I've changed. Now if you're talking about Mark Sloan then that's a different story,"

Meredith laughed, but it didn't last. The room went quiet, neither one of them knowing what to say.

"You know Mer you should really get away from here. And I don't mean Joe's. Come to dinner with me and Izzie tonight. I'll talk her into it don't worry. You need a friend now more than ever."

Meredith looked into Alex's eyes and saw a different side of him. He wasn't Alex Karev the ass that everyone hated. He was Alex Karev who had a wife and a kid. He was now a doctor who cared about his patients and showed compassion when needed. After realizing that she had been staring at Alex for the last 30 seconds, Meredith broke her gaze and sighed.

"I'll think about it. Maddie might need me so I'll let you know by the end of the day."

Alex nodded, and turned to leave, but before he did he kissed Meredith on the top of her head and left. Turning her attention back to the films, Meredith let herself stray away from the brain and look over the rest of her body on the scan. After a few minutes, Meredith felt another presence in the room and turned around to see Derek standing in the middle of the room.

"How long have you been standing there?" Meredith demanded, taking Maddie's films down.

"Only a few seconds. I just got here," he replied.

"How'd you know I was in here?"

"I met Alex in the hall and he told me."

"Why-"

"Why are you asking me all these questions? Shouldn't I be asking you the questions since it is my daughter?" Derek snapped.

Meredith opened her mouth and the closed it, surprised by Derek's remark.

"I'm sorry," whispered Derek a few minutes later. "I didn't mean to snap at you. It's not your fault that all of this is happening. I mean, if I hadn't taken her out of her room and-"

"Wait what? _You_ took Maddie out of her room? She didn't runaway?"

Derek, looking confused, shook his head.

"I told the nurses to tell you that if you ever came back!" he said, trying to defend himself, but Meredith just laugh.

"Did you actually believe that they were going to tell me? Are you that stupid Derek? They hate me! They want to see me get thrown out on my ass! There is no way in hell that they were going to tell me that you took Maddie!" Meredith yelled.

Derek just stood there, feeling embarrassed. She was right. He should have known better.



"I just thought that I'd take Maddie out of the stuffy room and down to the cafeteria to get something to eat. She looked bored and…"

Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Whatever Derek. I'm just saying that you should have told Burke or someone! I had everyone looking for her! We were all scared not only to find her dead or unconscious but for you or Addison to find her!"

Derek looked at Meredith with sad eyes.

"Meredith…"

"Derek don't. Don't give me that look. Because that look is the look that you always give me to make me give in! You have a freakin wife! You can't love me! You can't want me! You had your choice 7 years ago and you blew it! You chose her-"

"How do you know that? How do you know that I wasn't going to dump her?" Derek snapped.

Meredith stood there.. He was right. How did she know? She had ran the moment she laid eyes on Addison. She assumed that Derek would stay with her, but she didn't know for sure.

Turning back around, Meredith held up Maddie's films for Derek to see.

"I can't find any reason for Maddie to take a turn for the worse. There is definitely nothing wrong in her brain,"

"Have you looked in her heart?"

Meredith nodded.

"I just checked. I couldn't see anything,"

"Did you call for Cristina or Burke for them to check it over?"

Meredith shook her head and Derek sighed.

"Well when you find something out page me. Not Addison," Derek said turning to leave.

Meredith nodded and watched him leave. Before he opened the door he turned back around and looked into Meredith's eyes.

"You know, I was going to pick you. Addison brought divorce papers. But Mer, I couldn't dump her after Mark brought Maddie. What kind person would I be? But now that Maddie is older I…"

"What? Going to bring up the divorce again? Addison would never agree to that now Derek! Have you had your head in the clouds these last couple of days? Addison is on the war path and would do anything to find a reason to stay with you!"

Derek stood there, not knowing what to say. He was almost out the door but instead he turned around went over to Meredith cupped her face in his hands and kissed her deeply. Meredith just stood there, letting him kiss her. At first she was hesitant to kiss back, but she soon loosened up and kissed him back. Pulling away, Meredith turned around, as if to tell Derek it was time for him to leave. He sighed and left leaving her on the verge of tears. Hearing the door open for the third time, Meredith turned around, too tired to yell anymore.

"Whatever it is just-" but Meredith stopped short after seeing who it was. She was looking into the half cold half compassionate stare of Cristina.

"What's wrong with you?" Cristina asked, almost compassionately, but there was still that hint of annoyance

Meredith walked over to the films and handed them to Cristina.

"I can't find anything wrong with her. It's not in her brain so maybe it's in her heart?"

Cristina rolled her eyes and was about to say something smart, but decided against it. She saw how much pain Meredith was in and figured she needed a break.

Holding up the CT scan to the light, Cristina looked at them closely. After a few minutes, Cristina handed them about to Meredith.

"She has a small tear in her aorta. It's in a dangerous place. I'm guessing because of all the stress that you-I mean that has been put on her brain; it's caused her heart to work extra hard and created this small tear. It's small but dangerous. The sooner we operate the better."

Meredith nodded.

"Then I guess we should notify Dere-Dr. Shepherd and get him to sign the consent forms so we can get her up to the OR," Meredith.

"Sounds like a plan," said Cristina, turning to leave but stopped before she exited the room.

"Are you going to be in there or…"

Meredith was a little taken back by the gesture, but didn't question it.

"Ummm ya I guess. I should you know keep an eye on her just to make sure that…"

"Ya."

The room was filled with an awkward silence.

"I guess I'll go prep the OR get a team together and-"

"And I'll go notify Dr. Shepherd,"

Cristina nodded and exited the room, leaving Meredith with a very rare smile and with hope that her life was actually turning around.

**_A/N: So it's short, but it says a lot. Or it doens't. It answered some questions in the last chapter, it showed Cristina coming around, it showed Alex lending a hand, and it showed Derek's love for her, but they're still going no where. I still need to figure that out. BUt ne way...i have a feeling that most of you aren't going to be happy with the direction i'm going with this. But trust me...it'll all play out sooner or later. So ne way...ya. I figured i might as well update this since I had osme ideas for it. I know it's short but hopefully this story will pick up soon!  
THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU WHO REVIEWED! I'M HAPPY THAT YOU STILL HAVE AN INTERST IN THIS STORY!! :D  
You know the deal with the reviews! so let's get to clickin!_**


	18. Explanation!

**_Explanation for the lack of updates:_**

**_ok so i know i haven't been updating  
and in my defense...it seems like no one has  
but...i'm not using that as an excuse...just stating a fact_**

**_so the end of July the laptop stopped working suddenly  
it might of been b/c i spilt water on it...but that's besides the point  
so for a couple of days I was without a computer and without a internet  
b/c our other computer was out of business for about 6 months  
_**

**_so then all of a sudden my very grateful cousin stepped in  
and sent us this very nice laptop that i am on FOR FREE!!  
yes for free!  
so yay! new laptop which means internet and word again!_**

**_but alas another obstacle appeared  
you see with this laptop, came Windows Vista  
and a free trial to Microsoft Office 2008  
which gave me Microsoft Word 2008  
little did we know...that this "trail" lasted only a matter of weeks  
before it started to ask us fro this stupid product key  
which you need to use the program  
but you have to buy the program to get the key  
and my family is in a financial situation where we can't buy the prgram  
because we have no money.. /_**

**_so now to my point  
i have no microsoft word  
so no word, no updates  
the only way i'm writing this is b/c I earsed another chapter  
and writing it_**

**_so now i know what your thinking  
"Why don't you just do that for the next chapter?"  
well you see...idk. that's a good question  
and I just realized it.  
ummm would you belive me when I say "writer's block?"  
_**

**_a lot of stuff is going on in my life right now  
i'm starting my senior year on monday  
and I really wanted to update before Monday  
so i'll try to update by doing what i'm doing now  
just earsing and writing but i'm not guarenteeing ne thing_**

**_so...please forgive me  
i love you all  
i seriously do and I hate to be dissapointing you like this  
but...ya.  
:D_**

**_so please don't ditch me  
know i say that a lot...but i mean it  
i srsly love you gusy  
i'm grateful for you guys  
you love my writing and i love you_**

**_just please give me time  
and my updates will come  
along with other good ones_**

**_in the mean time...check out my other fic:  
Start All Over  
it's on my profile if you want to get it from there  
I kinda update that off and on b/ci have it posted on myspace  
and...you know what happens with new fics...you know where you're going  
and you know what you want with it  
_**

**_so if you need a void to fill PELASE PLEASE PLEASE go read that  
b/c it's getting like NO readers or reviewers!_**

**_THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING AND I'll TRY TO BE BACK ASAP!_**


	19. Sorry

_Chapter 19: Sorry  
_**_A/N: I"M BACK!! YAY!! Well...for now! I felt totally bad about not updating, so I decided to update...and it's kind of a long chapter. But ne way...i'll save my rambling till the end :D  
Disclaimer: I do not own the Jonas Brother's or their new CD: A Little Bit Longer OR their song: Sorry. _**

_I'm sorry  
For breaking all the promises  
That I wasn't around to keep  
It's on me  
This time is the last time I will ever beg you to stay...  
But you're already on  
your way_

Meredith paced the length of OR 3 staring at Cristina's back. It had been 6 hours since they had started the extensive surgery, but it looked like that they were close to finishing. Every once and a while Meredith's eyes would drift up to the gallery to see if Derek was up there (or worse…Addison), but so far no sign of him. Meredith's left hand hadn't left her mouth since the moment Cristina put the scalpel to Maddie's tender skin, and she hasn't planning on moving it. About every hour Cristina would look back to see Meredith's worried face, and then shake her head before continuing. She didn't know why Meredith was so attached to this girl, since she didn't know her, but she wasn't about to ask in the middle of surgery. Standing on the tips of her toes, Meredith tried to get a better look of what was going on, before taking her original position of pacing.

"Dr. Grey if you would like, you could scrub in so you could see better," Cristina offered for the 4th time, but Meredith shook her head.

"I'm fine here," she whispered.

Shaking her head Cristina put down the scalpel and turned around to face Meredith.

"Nothing has happened so far, so you can just relax. And besides, I'm almost done so if you want to go find McDreamy and give him an update, now would be a good time," Cristina said in a semi-cold voice.

But Meredith didn't comprehend a word that Cristina said; except McDreamy. She couldn't believe that after all these years, they still called him McDreamy. Meredith thought that at least Cristina would have dropped the nickname after they found out that he was married and started to call him McBastard or McMarried or something along those lines. Not…McDreamy.

"Dr. Grey?" Cristina snapped.

"Umm…okay. Sure," Meredith said, still in her daze, as she turned and walked out of the OR. Since she didn't have to scrub in, Meredith just pulled off her scrub cap once she got to the scrub room and washed her hands. She stared at Cristina taking the sutures and needle and proceeding to sew Maddie back up. Drying her hands, Meredith began to think what she was going to do next.

She knew that she had to go find Derek and tell him that his daughter was going to be coming out of surgery, and that she had survived and it now looked like she was out of the woods. But she was also thinking about what to do after Maddie recovers. Should she go back to DesMoines and continue her boring and redundant job? Or should she stay in Seattle where her friends were and start over? She was sure that her mom's house was still there and Burke had already offered her a position to stay. And it wasn't like she had a life back in DesMoines. Her patients could easily be transferred to another resident, and it wouldn't be hard to give up her apartment. As for her things, she could either get someone to mail them to her or just leave them there. It wasn't much. Just medical journals mostly. Rounding the corner, Meredith saw Derek sitting in the waiting room in his street clothes.

But, instead of advancing towards him, Meredith stopped in her tracks. Seeing him this distressed broke her heart. His eyes looked puffy from a distance like he had been crying. And his hair was all ruffled and messed up as if he was running his fingers through it every five minutes. He kept on twirling the golden wedding band on his left finger, and taking it on and off. It didn't look like he was staring at anything in particular, just staring off into space. It didn't look like Addison was near, so that meant that she either didn't know that Maddie has gone into surgery or she was working and didn't care. Meredith also noticed that something sat on his lap. It was a manila folder and from the looks of it, it had some papers in it. Meredith's stomach instantly filled up with butterflies at the thought of the folder and its contents. Could it be divorce papers? Had Addison really given Meredith an empty threat and come to her sense and realized that she didn't love Maddie and that she had no business being in her life and decided to divorce Derek? Or was it just one of his patient's information that he needed to do some research.

Suddenly, Derek looked up to see Meredith standing at the end of the hall. Seeing him stare at her and then stand up to come towards her, her heart started to beat faster. Sure she was planning on talking to him, but she hadn't thought about what she was going to say to him. She wanted to say that she still loved him and that she wanted to kill Addison and make it look like an accident so that they could be together and take care of Maddie, but now would not be the time for that. Staying, where she was, she let Derek come to her since; frankly, she didn't know if she had the strength to take a step. After what seemed ages, he stopped about 3 feet away from her.

"Hey…" he breathed.

Meredith could tell that he was trying to read her, but she was too busy trying to read him, that she wasn't able to send him any signals about Maddie.

"So…how is she?" he asked, cutting to the chase.

"Oh!" Meredith said, remembering why she was here in the first place.

"Well, Cristina has repaired her aorta, and when I left she was closing. I'm sure if something had happened, she would have paged me back, so I'm guess that she's coming out of the OR now and heading up to PACU. I can take you to see her…or if you want to wait for Addison…"

Derek shook his head.

"Addison isn't in the picture anymore," Derek whispered.

Meredith stood there shocked. What did he mean?

"What?"

Derek sighed.

"She gave me these this morning and then took off. I don't know where she went, and frankly I don't care. She didn't even say good-bye to Maddie. So wherever she is, it's better than her being here." Derek said coldly.

Meredith stood there nodding. She knew it would be totally inappropriate for her to launch herself into his arms and kiss him right there, so she restrained her self.

Suddenly, Meredith felt her pager begin to vibrate and Derek's face fell to a worried and scared expression. Clipping the pager off her waist, she read it.

_Came out of surgery fine. Is in PACU recovering. Hasn't woken up yet._

After reading it, Meredith looked into Derek's eyes. She could tell he was scared out of his mind and that if Maddie died, he might even kill himself.

"She's out of surgery. Cristina said that she closed fine and she's recovering in PACU, but she hasn't woken up."

Derek nodded, trying to hold back tears.

"C-Can I see her?" he chocked.

Meredith nodded before turning around to lead him back to the PACU. But instead of thinking about how wonderful it was that it looked like Maddie was finally out of the woods, all Meredith could think about was how Addison was gone, and now…Derek was hers.

--

"WHY DID THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?"

Alex and Izzie were standing in the middle of their kitchen later that night, getting ready to leave for dinner. It was now that Alex decided to tell Izzie that invited Meredith with them, and that she had accepted.

"Because Izz, she needs a friend. She needs a girlfriend. You guys used to be tight. Why can't you just put the past behind you and let her back in?"

Izzie pursed her lips and was about to say something, but the doorbell rang. Glaring at Alex, she turned and walked towards the door, while putting on her other earring. Seeing Meredith through the glass, Izzie sighed and rolled her eyes before plastering a fake smile and opening the door. But the moment she did, she wanted to shut it.

Instead of wearing a nice dress and make-up, Meredith was standing on Izzie's front porch in jeans, her old Dartmouth T-shirt, and drenched from head to toe.

"I'm sorry. I know that I should be wearing a little black dress, have my hair done, and wearing make-up, but I'm not. So can I come in before I catch pneumonia?"

Glaring, Izzie opened the door wider to let Meredith in. Giving her a weak smile, Meredith stepped into the warm house as Izzie closed the door behind her and then stormed off into the kitchen, without saying a word to Meredith.

So Meredith stood in the foyer awkwardly, taking in the room. It was brightly lit by the chandelier that hung above Meredith's head, but also because of the marble that lined the walls. After a few minutes, Alex walked into the foyer holding a blanket, a few towels, and a cup of coffee.

"I take it Izzie's not too happy?" Meredith said, taking the items from Alex's hand as he led her into the living room.

"Not particularly," he answered, bending down to start the fire. Meredith sat down on the couch and wrapped her hair in the towel before wrapping her self in the blanket and sipping the coffee.

"Sorry about ruining the dinner. I just wasn't in the mood to eat. I should have called. I hope I didn't ruin your night."

Alex shook his head.

"No it's okay. We were just going to go to Joe's anyway. All the other restaurants were full," he explained, smiling as he took a seat next to Meredith.

Nodding, Meredith sipped her coffee. The room filled with an awkward silence, as they listened to Izzie's footsteps on the second floor. Meredith sighed.

"She's pretty pissed isn't she?"

"She'll get over it. She's just blowing this way out of proportion. She just needs to realize that what you did was wrong, but your back now and that's all that matters. Well, back for now."

"I wouldn't be too sure about that," Meredith muttered, but it was loud enough for Alex to hear.

"You're staying?" he asked, a little too excited.

Meredith smiled a small smile and nodded.

"I have no reason to go back to Des Moines. I really didn't have a life and I can learn 10 times more here than I can over there. Plus…I miss the ferryboats."

Alex laughed and then embraced Meredith.

"I'm glad. And secretly, I know Izzie is glad that your back. So, if you would have left again, I would never hear the end of it, so at least you and she can work this out."

Meredith nodded, and then turned around, feeling another presence in the room.

"You're staying?" whispered Izzie. She had changed out of her red cocktail dress into sweats and a t-shirt. Alex cleared his throat, and excused him self.

"I'll go put Nichole to bed," he said. Izzie gave him another death stare as he left the two girls alone.

Sighing, Izzie walked around the couch, and sat down in the armchair, adjacent to where Meredith was sitting; neither one of them knowing what to say. Finally, Izzie broke the ice.

"Why are you staying?" she whispered.

Meredith was a little taken back by the question. It almost sounded like Izzie was glad that she was staying, but didn't want to show it.

"Well, umm…like I told Alex, I feel like I can learn here. And I really didn't have a life back in Des Moines. My life was built here and well…I don't feel like leaving my friends again. That is…if we're still friends." Meredith said, attentively.

Izzie rolled her eyes.

"Meredith, we never stopped being friends!" Izzie said exasperated.

Meredith gave Izzie a 'what-the-hell-are-you-talking-about?' look.

"Look, I know I haven't greeted you with open arms and I've treated you like crap since the day you've arrived, but Meredith, you've always been my friend. Just…not as good as a friend. It's now like a love/hate relationship. You helped me a lot during our intern yet, while you were still here. How could I automatically hate you when you gave me a place to live? I was just mad that you left without saying good-bye in person!"

Meredith sat there, mouth open.

"Wait, so all this crap that you've been giving me, has just been...for the hell of it? You don't consider me your mortal enemy?"

Izzie laughed.

"No. I was just hurting from all the stuff that you missed out on. To tell you the truth, I'm really glad that your back and it's been hurting me to see you hurt because of the way I've been acting."

Now Meredith was confused.

"So why have you been treating me like total crap?"

"Because you didn't deserve to be welcomed back with open arms. You had to suffer before I could forgive you, like you made us suffer."

Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Whatever Izzie. So are we good now?"

Izzie nodded and then Meredith smiled.

Alex entered the living room, about 30 minutes later to see that Izzie had moved from the armchair to sitting right next to Meredith. Both girls were sitting Indian style gossiping.

"Wait so she left? Without saying good-bye to Maddie?" Izzie asked astonished. Meredith nodded. "THAT BITCH!"

Meredith laughed.

"Well you know her better than I do. I just know her as Derek's wife who apparently doesn't love Maddie, but Derek stayed with her anyway." Meredith shrugged.

"Ya, he was being an idiot. We all saw the signs of a bad relationship between her and Maddie, and we knew that he saw them too; he was just to stubborn to admit it. I mean seriously, when your own daughter rather sleep in an on-call room than go home with you because her mom is there, you know something is wrong. And I mean ever since Maddie was a baby, Addison would just drop her off in the hospital's daycare center and then pick her up at 4 am. It drove Derek crazy, but he was just being stupid. And whenever we had to share an on-call room with him, we were in for a long night, because he talks in his sleep. And well…all he could say was how much he missed you and loved you."

This made Meredith blush. She turned away to see Alex standing in the threshold.

"So everything is good now I take it? No one is going to need to go to the hospital tonight because of a stab wound?" he asked.

Izzie rolled her eyes and Meredith laughed.

"Not tonight. Looks like you'll have to find another patient to do your perfect sutures on," Izzie said sarcastically. Alex rolled his eyes, when the doorbell rang.

Turning around, he walked over to the door and opened it to find a very wet and depressed Derek Shepherd standing on the porch.

"Shepherd? What are you doing here?" Alex asked, leading him inside.

Meredith and Izzie both stood up once hearing Derek's name.

"I had to threaten one of the nurse's to tell me where Meredith was. She said that she was going out to dinner with you guys, so I searched every restaurant in town for you guys, and when I couldn't' find you, I decided to come here."

"But, why were you searching for Mer-"

But Alex didn't finish his sentence because the moment Meredith and Izzie walked into the foyer, and Derek's eyes fell upon Meredith, he cut Alex off.

"I need to talk to you…now."

All eyes turned to Meredith as she stood there awkwardly.

"We'll just…go to the…ummm…kitchen and make some more coffee," said Izzie, dragging Alex to the kitchen, shutting the door behind them, leaving Meredith and Derek standing there awkwardly.

"How's Maddie?" Meredith asked. When she had left the hospital, Maddie was stable, but hadn't woken up yet.

"She woke up right before I left, but she's still weak. Weak but stable." He replied.

Meredith nodded.

"That's good."

The room fell silent again. Finally Derek took a deep breath and started to talk.

"Ok, so I don't know how many times I've practiced this, so I'm just going to say it. Just going to rip off the band-aid. So here it goes: I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not telling you about Addison that night at Joe's, I'm sorry for taking advantage of you, and I'm sorry for making you fall in love with me. I'm sorry for not chasing after you when you left, and I'm sorry for whatever else I did to you. When I left Addison, it wasn't just because she cheated on me. I left her because I didn't love her anymore. I moved across the country, because I never dreamed in a million years she would find me there and with a baby! When I met you, I was in the process of trying to file divorce with her. The moment I laid eyes on you, I knew that you were the one. You weren't some girl that I used to get over Addison. I truly fell in love with you, and I still am. I just felt…obligated to stay with Addison because of Maddie. I ignored all the signs of neglect that she showed to Maddie because I didn't want my little girl growing up with the pain of divorced parents. I didn't know how to explain to her when she was 6 where her mom was and why she didn't have one. Unless of course, you stayed. Then you could have been her mom, but that would have never happened. Now I'm left without someone to get her through this tough time. I know she hated Addison with a passion, but at least she would have helped me. So Meredith, I'm standing here soaked, asking you to help me. Not as her doctor, not as the person who Maddie likes, but as the love of my life. I never stopped loving you, and I never will. I love you Meredith Grey. So please, stay with me, and love me back."

Meredith stood there after Derek stopped talking, with tears running down her cheek. She never had anyone tell her that before. She never had someone tell her how much she meant to them, and that they loved her with all their heart.

Not being able talk because of the tears, Meredith just looked at Derek with loving eyes and nodded.

Just that simple nod, made Derek's sullen face turn into a face that a 5 year old would wear on Christmas Day. Walking over to her, Derek took Meredith's face in his hands and kissed her passionately. Melting in his arms, Meredith wrapped her own arms around his neck and pulled him in closer. After a few minutes of passionate kissing, Derek broke away and looked at Meredith with loving eyes.

"This doesn't mean that you're totally off the hook. I still don't totally trust you, but I think we can make this work. Not only for Maddie, but for us too, because Derek, I never stopped loving you either." Meredith whispered.

All Derek could do was smile before kissing Meredith again.

**_A/N: So yes. I uploaded Microsoft Office 2000 on the laptop and BAM: Microsoft Word. Now that was about 4 weeks ago...I've just been so caught up in my SENIOR YEAR at school and with golf, that i haven't had a chance to udpate...but i'm here now. And lately...a lot of ppl haven't been updating. it's like this past year...ff has slowed down. But i can't belive I've been doing this for 2 years now! I started the summer of my sophmore year, and I'm not a SENIOR! OMFG! lol. But ne way...GREY'S IN ONE WEEK!! OMFG!! And SPOILER ALERT can u believe that Rose is going to stab Derek? OMFG! and Meredith's dream!? WHOA! lol  
So ne way...here's a long chapter for u. I know Izzie's excuse is kinda lame and all of a sudden Addison just left...but i didn't know what else to do. I just needed the story to pick up a little...so ya. Here ya go. I hope you all are happy now lol :D_**

**_I'll try to update ASAP. I need to update my JB fanfic and then with school and everything. I'm retaking my SAT's on October 4th and that same weekend I might be traveling to visit a college and with hw and college applicatoins...who knows when I"ll update again. Just PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME! I LOVE YOU GUYS MORE THAN LIFE AND GA AND JB IT'S SELF okay not really...but u get the picture ;D_**


	20. Catching Up

_**A/N: This has not been proof-read. Too tired. But it has been spell checked, so sorry if some parts don't make sense. On a lighter note: I'M UPDATING!! :D**_

_2 weeks later_

Meredith entered Maddie's room holding her discharge papers. It had been two weeks since her surgery with Cristina and ever since she hasn't had any problems. All her things were packed and stacked neatly on her bed, which was also occupied by a very bouncy Maddie who was wearing Hannah Montana boots and a shirt that had Joe Jonas on it. Derek was standing in the corner, not trying very hard to control his daughter, since he knew how excited she was.

"All right, your dad knows the drill. I just need him to sign a few papers, and you'll be able to go." Meredith said, handing over the clipboard to Derek.

Ever since that night at Izzie's, Derek and Meredith have been trying to be exclusive. Sneaking away into call rooms in the wee hours of the morning, and trying to hide their affection from Maddie. It wasn't like they didn't want to tell her, they were just waiting for the right time. Meredith had been trying to spend more time with Maddie, learning her likes and dislikes. She didn't want to waste time getting to know her; she wanted to jump right in and do the stuff that Maddie loved. And one of those things was surprising her with Jonas Brothers tickets, which Meredith was hiding in her lab coat pocket, her hand resting on them.

"Here you go _Dr. Grey_," Derek said, handing her the clipboard with a wink.

Meredith just rolled her eyes as she looked over the papers and turned to Maddie.

"You're now a free girl. Just don't go over board these first few weeks and come in immediately if you don't feel good."

Maddie nodded, obviously not paying attention, jumping down from the bed, and almost darting towards the door.

"Someone's excited to get over here," Meredith joked to Derek.

"Yeah, she couldn't stop talking about all week. I think she's just excited to get home after a month in this hospital. The most she's spent here is like two days. She just wants to sleep in her own bed."

Meredith nodded as she watched Derek grab the bags.

"Oh, how about you come over to dinner tonight. You know, since you did help Maddie through this and you entertained her. It's the least I can do to thank you."

Meredith eyed Derek about the proposition.

"Uh huh, and are you going to try to take my clothes off at the end of the night?" Meredith whispered to Derek, keeping a close eye on Maddie.

Derek just flashed his famous McDreamy smile as he walked to the door.  
"Just…promise me you'll think about it."

Meredith nodded as she watched Derek and Maddie walk out of the empty room, seriously weighing the options of going to dinner that night.

--

Half an hour later, Meredith was wandering around the hospital aimlessly, looking for something to do. Since Maddie was no longer a patient, she had no where to go when she was bored. Walking by the board, she did a quick skim of it to see if any of her friends where in surgery (namely Cristina). Sure enough, Cristina was in OR 5 doing a coronary bypass surgery. Quickly grabbing a mask and a hair net, Meredith made her way to OR 5. She didn't care if she wasn't invited in on the surgery; she needed to talk to Cristina.

Pressing the open button, Meredith entered the OR and made her way over to Cristina.

"I don't remember asking a neurosurgeon to assist me in this procedure Dr. Grey," commented Cristina without looking up.

"I discharged Maddie and he asked me to dinner tonight. With them." said Meredith, ignoring Cristina's comment.

Setting the scalpel down, Cristina looked up at Meredith. Even though her eyes were the only thing that was visible to Meredith, she knew that Cristina was giving her the "SERIOUSLY? YOUR DOING THIS NOW?" look.

"What? I'm supposed to go Izzie for advice? She'd either bitch at me or bake me cookies. Now tell me, should I go or not?"

Cristina shook her head and turned her attention back to the open chest. After a few moments of silence, Cristina spoke.

"Go to dinner, but don't dress fancy. Dress casual-but don't show up in your scrubs. You want to show him that you are definitely interested, but you don't want to have sex tonight. And-"

"Wait. No sex?" asked Meredith, confused.

"No! What, you're going to do it with an eight year old kid in the house? I don't think so! Anyway, wear like skinny jeans and a nice top. Something that you can play in while the kid is up, but drink it and look seductive in when the kid goes to bed. That way you're teasing him without the kid knowing. Now get out of my OR."

Meredith smiled.

"You know if you weren't scrubbed in I would hug you right now." she said turning to leave.

"Ya and I would kick your ass," mumbled Cristina as Meredith chuckled, tore off her mask and made her way to Burke's office to ask for the rest of the day off, since she had nothing else to do. Just when she was about to knock on the door, Meredith's pager went off.

"Shit! This would happen to me!" Meredith cursed looking down to see the three numbers she didn't want to see. Sighing, she turned and started to run down to the ER, to see what happened.

--

"32 year-old male was hit head on by 16 year-old female. He was wearing his seatbelt, but the airbag and so much force that it knocked him unconscious when the back of his head hit the seat." recited the EMT.

Meredith nodded as she took the chart and looked it over.

"Okay get him up to CT and MRI. I want to see what's wrong with him. Then page Dr. Shep-Milton. Page Dr. Milton so he can look at it too," Meredith told the intern that was helping to clean him up.

"Not Dr. Shepherd?" asked the intern as they were starting to wheel the patient out of the Trauma Room.

"If I wanted Dr. Shepherd, I would have said Dr. Shepherd. And if you were also paying attention, he has these next few days off. Maybe I need another intern, one who pays attention to detail. I don't want this guy dying when we operate." Meredith hissed.

"He's going to need surgery?!" asked the intern excitedly.

"No we're just going to look at the inside of his head and send him home unconscious!" snapped Meredith. "NOW GO!"

The intern scurried off before he said something else stupid in front of Meredith.

"I hate interns," she muttered as she made her way to the coffee cart. Something told her that she was in for a long afternoon.

--

"You see that Dr. Grey?" asked Dr. Milton, pointing at the patient's MRI.

"A subdrual hematoma," Meredith whispered.

Dr. Milton nodded as she handed over the chart.

"Book an OR. I'll see you there in 15 minutes."

Meredith nodded as the attending left.

"Go book an OR. I have to go make a phone call. Then prep the patient then meet me in the scrub room. We'll discuss if you get to scrub in or not." Meredith growled at the intern.

Once he left, Meredith pulled out her cell phone and dialed Derek's number. She waited for one, two, and three…

"Hey,"

Meredith's heart stopped for a moment at the sound of his sexy voice.

"Meredith? You there?"

"Oh, ya. Sorry. Umm a case came in. I'm about to into surgery, so I might be late. I'm sorry," Meredith explained.

"Okay, no problem. Just come when you can. I'll tell Maddie."

Meredith smiled.

"Thanks Derek. I'll call when I get out of surgery."

"Okay talk to ya later."

"Bye."

The line died as Meredith stood in the CT room, clutching the phone to her chest. He hated what this guy did to her, but it wasn't his fault. He had a cute daughter too! Laughing, Meredith closed the phone and made her way to the OR.

--

Meredith, Dr. Milton, and the intern threw off the scrub caps after a long four hours of surgery. But lucky for Meredith, it was only eight o'clock. Okay not only, but it wasn't as late as she thought it would take.

"He should be fine. But I need hourly updates. You, you're on call and give Dr. Grey hourly updates by text message. If anything happens, Dr. Grey will call me." said Dr. Milton as she exited the OR.

Meredith sighed a sigh of relief, thinking that Dr. Milton was going to make her stay and be on call. Exiting the scrub room, Meredith pulled out her phone and called Derek.

"Did it go well?" asked Derek, skipping the hello and making Meredith laugh.

"He's stable for now. The intern will be giving me hourly updates, but I don't have to stay. Just let me go to my house, change, and shower. I'll be there by nine, nine fifteen at the latest." Meredith promised.

"Okay, we'll be waiting."

Meredith hung up the phone as she made her way to the locker room. For the first time in weeks, she was actually happy.

---

"You made it!" squealed Maddie as she opened the door in her Camp Rock nightgown.

Meredith smiled as she bent down and picked Maddie up.

"I did! Better late than never right?" Meredith asked, touching Maddie's nose.

"DADDY LOOK WHO'S HERE!" yelled Maddie as Meredith put her down and she ran to the kitchen.

"I hear her I hear her," said Derek, walking out of the kitchen, wiping his hands on a towel. But once he say Meredith he stopped dead in his tracks.

"Hey," Meredith called softly, waving.

"Hi," Derek breathed. "You look…beautiful."

Meredith looked down.

"Thanks. Cristina told me to wear this of all people."

Derek laughed.

"Well Yang has good taste. Come, I set up dinner."

"But Daddy! We already ate!"

Derek looked down at Maddie, looking like he had no idea what she was talking.

"You ate Maddie. But daddy didn't. Now why don't you run upstairs and put in Camp Rock? We'll be up in a little bit."

"Fine!" said Maddie with a pout face as she stomped her way up the stairs and into her room.

"Aw, don't you think that's a little harsh?" asked Meredith chuckling.

"What? It is past her bedtime. She just got out of the hospital, she shouldn't be up late." Derek said sternly.

"Protective father are we? I never saw this side of Derek Shepherd. And here I thought he was all sex," Meredith commented, walking past him, following the sent of food.

"Ha ha very funny. Now you must be hungry after being in surgery," Derek said, changing the subject and following Meredith into the kitchen.  
When Meredith entered, she saw a smile table in the corner of the huge kitchen; set with a candle and two glasses of wine along with a salad and pasta.

"It looks delicious," Meredith said, sitting down.

"Thank you. Dig in."

After a few minutes of silence, Derek spoke up.

"So how have you been?"

Meredith stopped in mid-chew.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we haven't really got a chance to talk since you've come back. We've been yelling at each other, talking about Maddie, or well…having sex. We haven't got a chance to talk. I heard you were quite the resident in Des Moines."

Meredith wiped her mouth with her napkin before proceeding.

"Well, there's not much out there. So being at Seattle Grace with all the traumas helped to up my game. I knew more as a second year resident than some fifth years. Trust me that didn't go over well, but I mean, it was a job. I made a good living and I was respected. Didn't have much friends though, but I didn't' really care. My life was mostly work. I made quite a bit of money but I didn't spend it. I lived in a small apartment which I hardly spent any time in. Oh, and I didn't have sex once while I was there."

Derek's eyebrows raised at that statement.

"Really? Not once?"

"Okay, there was one guy. But trust me, one was enough."

Derek almost chocked on his wine at Meredith' statement.  
"Are you okay?" asked Meredith alarmed.

"Ya, fine." Derek said, wiping his mouth.

"So, how are you?" asked Meredith, changing the subject. "How is life in Seattle?"

"Well, naturally everyone hated Addison when she came, and they hated me when you left. No intern wanted on my case, and when they were, they hardly said two words to me. It wasn't easy. Then Mark showed up with Maddie, and things got worse. They thought I was some horrible person who left their wife and baby. So I had no choice but to stay with Addison and Maddie. But life wasn't good there. It was obvious that Maddie hated Addison, and contrary to everyone's belief I knew that. And Mark was just a manwhore. I'm surprised he didn't get to you. Not that you an easy girl! It's just that…he's a manwhore."

Meredith nodded, not believe that last statement, but decided to let it go.

They spent the rest of the evening talking and catching up. Derek told her about all the trauma's she had missed and the incidents (i.e. Izzie and Denny, Burke and Cristina's wedding incident but then he came back and the did get married). Just when they were about to move things to the living room for coffee, Meredith's pager went off.

"Damn it!" she cursed, knowing it was from her intern. "I'm sorry but I have to go."

"You need me to come?"

"No, you have Maddie here," Meredith reasoned.

"Yes, but I can get someone to look after her and…"

"Derek, she just got out of the hospital. Besides, Dr. Milton is on the case. I had a great night though. I'll stop by tomorrow after work and play with Maddie. Send her my best."

Derek nodded and smiled as he watched Meredith leave. Once she left, he sighed and mentally kicked himself for not kissing her good night.

**_A/N: Okay sorry if this chapter had no point. I'm thinking of only doing a few more. Mostly because I have writers block, and I've gotten to the point where I watnted to get too. And plus waht number is this? 15? 16? Only so much can happen I think. So ya. Umm what else can i say? Hope everyone had a merry x-mas! i got season 4 on dvd, so I need to get around to watch those. Also, I think i'm going to write a belated x-mas oneshot. Just a thought. Ne way, please review, and don't hate me. Just...writer's block is all I can say. Writer's block and senior year crap. Ne way...please review! I'lll love you forever! :D_**


	21. Finally!

Ch. 21: Finally!

**_A/N: SO SORRY!!! I know i say that ever chapter but I am! This is called Finally b/c i FINALLY updated! And b/c it's the second to last chapter! ENJOY! O and this wasn't proof-read, only spell checked....so sorry for any/all mistakes!_**

Meredith entered the ICU flustered. Her hair was standing up in odd places, her make-up was running, and to say that she was unhappy was the understatement of the year.

She looked around trying to find her incompetent intern and the code team. Finally spotting them, she marched into the ICU, about to kill someone, even if her patient was still alive.

"What the hell is going on?" she growled as she threw her stuff on the nearest chair, pulled her hair up into a messy ponytail and walked over to a scared intern holding the chart.

"I-I don't know, I was sitting here checking up on him like you told me to and…and he coded…" The intern stammered. Meredith shot him a death glare, but decided not to waste her breath on him.

"Okay push 10 mg of epi and then let me know where he's at,"

The room went dead quiet after the nurse put in the new medication. No one dared to breathe, not only in fear that the patient wouldn't get better, but also in fear that Meredith was going to say something. Unfortunately, the medication didn't do much.

"Okay, continue with compressions, charge up the AED to 300," Meredith barked.

They shocked the patient five more times, but it didn't do any good; the monitor still read a flat line.

"Call it." Meredith told the intern as she turned to leave the room. She figured since the intern practically killed the patient, the least he could do was get the experience of calling it and then telling the family.

Meredith waited outside the threshold for the intern to come out. It wasn't till then that she realized that she didn't know his name.

Finally he came out, head hanging, looking dreadful. Taking a deep breath, Meredith confronted him.

"That's one of the hardest things you'll ever do as an intern. The first hardest thing is telling the family. It was your responsibility to watch over him. You should have enough training by now to know what to do the instant a patient codes. What to tell the nurses and what medication to push. You have to be able not only look me in the eye and tell me you did everything you could to save the patient before I got there, but tell the family too. I want you to do that. You need to start to learn how to break bad news to the family. What's your name?"

"Dr. Sellers, but Dr. Grey-"

"Okay Dr. Sellers, you lead the way to the family."

Meredith said, not noticing that she cut off Dr. Sellers in mid sentence.

"But Dr. Grey, I didn't kill him. I _did_ push every medication I knew and I _did _tell the nurses what to do. I was calm and collected as I waited for you to show up. I-I just think the surgery was too much for him."

Meredith stood there, staring at him.

"Dr. Sellers, are you indicating that it's _my_ fault that our patient died?"

The intern took a deep breath.

"No…I'm just saying that the patient was too weak. We both did everything we could to save him, it was just too much."

Meredith couldn't believe it. Never in her career has she had an intern stand up to her like that. Most interns were scared of residents and attendings and just took what they dished out on them.

"Who's your resident?" Meredith asked, eyeing him.

"Dr. Yang ma'am."

Meredith nodded, understanding it all.

"Well Dr. Sellers, you are the first intern to every stand up to me like that before. Now, let's go tell the family that _we_ did everything we could to save their loved one."

---

"You're amazing you know that?" asked Meredith as she sat down next to Cristina at lunch.

"Duh," was all Cristina said back, not looking from her medical journal.

"One of your interns stood up to me this morning. I was going on and on about how it was his fault that my patient died, but he stood his ground and corrected me. I couldn't believe it."

Cristina looked up from her article.

"Who? 2? Ya, he's a smart ass, but has potential. Just needs to learn to keep his mouth shut at times though."

Meredith rolled her eyes, as she poured a light dressing over her salad.

"So how was the sex last night?" Cristina asked after a few minutes had passed.

Meredith stopped in mid bite and looked at her best friend.

"What?"

"The sex. You did go over to McDreamy's house last night did you not?"

"Yeah…"

"Okay then. How was the sex?"

Meredith shook her head.

"Cristina just because I went over to Derek's house doesn't mean I had sex! Hell I barely finished dinner before I got paged!"

"Wait…so no sex?"

"No!"

"Wow."

Meredith rolled her eyes as she rolled up the medical journal and hit Cristina with it.

"What!? It's not like your past could lead me to think that you did it!"

"Did what?"

Meredith turned at the sound of Derek's voice.

"The nasty." Cristina stated bluntly as she got up and walked out of the cafeteria.

Derek sat down in her previously occupied chair and looked at Meredith questioningly.

"She thinks we had sex last night." Meredith stated.

"Did you tell her that you had to leave?"

"Ya, but with Cristina, you can't get anything through that thick skull of hers."

Derek laughed as he leaned back in the chair.

"So Maddie was pretty upset to learn that you had to leave last night."

Meredith sighed.

"Ya, well the patient ended up dying."

"I'm sorry."

Meredith smiled. "Thanks."

"So as I was leaving for work this morning, she asked me when you were coming back." Derek stated non-chantilly.

"Oh?" Meredith asked, eyebrows raised.

"Well I told her very soon, but then she asked when you were moving in…"

Meredith dropped her fork and looked at Derek.

"And…what did you say?"  
Derek smiled.

"NO! No no no no no no no! I am not moving in with you Derek Shepherd! I thought we were going to take things slow! For Maddie! Let her get to know me outside of this hospital first!"

"C'mon Mer! She already loves you! She knows you're a surgeon like me and she understands! I've never seen her take to anyone like you! Please move in, for Maddie!"

Meredith sighed.

"I'll let you know by the end of the day."

She stood up and pecked Derek on the cheek as she walked away. As he walked her go, he pulled out a small black box from his lab coat pocked and twirled it in her fingers before putting it back and eating the rest of her lunch.

---

"I mean I don't know what to do! We've only had sex here for the past month! I've never been with Maddie outside of the walls of this hospital, and now they both want me to move in? I don't know what to do!"

Meredith was standing against the wall of OR 3, where both Cristina and Izzie were working. It seemed like Meredith spent more time in an OR talking rather than working.

"I think it's sweet. It's like love at first sight all over again! Not only with him but with his daughter! I think you should do it Mer!" said Izzie.

"Hell no! She shouldn't for all the reasons you just said she should! She needs to know who he is again! If their relationship is all about sex and work, he might leave her at the altar!"

"She's moving in not getting married to him Cristina!" snapped Izzie.

"Same difference!"

Izzie grumbled as she dove back into the body cavity.

"You should get to know the kid more. All you know is that she loves the Jones Brothers and Hannah Not-Tana!"

"Cristina be nice! And it's the Jonas Brothers!" Izzie retorted.

"Why don't you just focus on fixing the patient's intestine Betty Crocker."

"She won't need an intestine if you don't fix her heart!"

"GUYS!"

The OR was quiet as Meredith got up from the wall and headed towards the door.

"Thanks for your help, but looks like you're busy. I'll figure it out…somehow. I'll let you get back to your jobs."

"Aww Mer. Just…follow your heart!" Izzie called.

"Ya that works wonderful if you're in a Disney movie. Just be smart Meredith, and everything will work out."

Waving, Meredith walked out of the OR, more confused as ever.

As she pushed her way out of the scrub room, she almost bumped into Alex.

"Hey! Haven't seen you around lately." He said as he gave her a side hug.

"Hey Alex. Ya, I've been laying low since Maddie got discharged."

"Oh ya. Congrats on that by the way! I'm sure it wasn't easy treating the daughter of your ex-lover."

Meredith gave him a look. "Thanks Alex," which made him laugh.

"Any way, so how's it going?"

Meredith shrugged.

"Derek asked me to move in. Actually Maddie asked him when I was moving in. Which scares me because I don't know her very well and Derek and I haven't had a proper date, and I'm pretty sure sex in the on call room doesn't count."

Alex let out a small laugh as they turned the hall.

"Well, I'm not the king of relationships and I think you should ask George about this but since he's off I'll be him for you. Actually this is going to sound more like Izzie, but whatever. Just do what you feel right Mer. If you love him and her then go for it. True love doesn't wait for dates and taking it slow. From the way he looked when you were gone, then came back, and now, I really do think he loves you. The question is…do you?"

Meredith smiled.

"You've been hanging around Izzie too much," she commented.

Rolling his eyes, Alex laughed.

"Ya well, I learned being an ass isn't the best way to approach life."

Smiling Meredith pecked Alex on the cheek.

"Thanks Alex."

"No problem Mer."

_**A/N: What is she going to choose??? HMMMMMMMMM lol. It should be kinda obvious, but w/e. I thought i'd be best to end it here...and then wait for the last chapter to reveal what happens. And also b/c i kinda ran out of ideas lol. So ya, sorry it's been forever since i've updated. you know my excuses by now...so i'm not going to waste by breath. umm dunno really what to say. this is the second to last chapter since it can't really go anywhere else. I'm excited about the last chapter, but just an fyi, it won't be udpated for a while b/c i'm going to update my other 2 stories before i update this one. so..ya. ummmm spring is almost here in the states, which means 3 months till graduation! i'm excited! unfortantely my grandmother just passes away, and she was looking forward to coming to my graduation, so it'll be bitter sweet! i'm excited b/c i know where i want to go to college and they're offering me a 60% schoarship on golf! YAY! o btw, who thinks Grey's is getting WAAAAAAAAAAAAY too drama-y adn less medical? I know it has been, but it's getting tiring. I mean srsly...izzie w/ a brain tumor/anueryism? srsly? i will admit though that derek and mark fighting last new episode was hot! lmao. he just needed to propse to mer already though! seriously!**_

Ok enough rambling lol. again sorry for the long delayed update. but one more chapter and i'm done! lol. hope everyone is doing good! :D


	22. Love Story

**Ch. 22: Love Story**

**_Romeo Save Me  
I've been feeling so alone  
I keep waiting for you but you never come  
Is this in my head I don't know what to think  
He knelts to the ground and pulls out a ring..._**

_One Year Later_

Meredith stood behind the huge, white, wooden doors of the church clutching her bouquet. Her heart was pounding so hard that she seriously thought that she was about to go into cardiac arrest and Cristina would have to open her up right here, massage her heart, close her back up, and drag her down the aisle.

She reached for the gold door handle but then quickly took her hand away as if it was on fire. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, but just couldn't bring her self to walk down the aisle. She knew that there were hundreds of people in there (she only knew about 10 people-everyone else Derek invited) waiting for her to walk that aisle, say her "I do's" and live happily ever after.

It wasn't that she was scared of happily ever after-she just never thought that she'd get it. 5 years ago she thought that she would grow old and live a stubborn, bitter life and die in the OR during surgery at the age of 104. Yeah, she had way too much time on her hands in Des Monies. But now she was standing here-in a dress that made her "boobs feel like she was getting a mammogram" and her hair done by a stylist that required a $100 deposit AND make-up that made her feel like she was a clown; but it was worth it. In about 5 minutes (hopefully) she'd be walking down the aisle, say her "I do's" and live happily ever after. Yeah, she was expecting to do it too.

"MEREDITH!"

Meredith turned around to see Izzie coming towards her flustered.

"Why isn't your butt down that aisle?" she snapped in a whisper tone.

"Just…thinking," Meredith replied simply.

"Oh no no no no no. You are NOT getting cold feet on me! I planned this wedding for MONTHS! You are not about to ruin my hard work and shatter not only Derek's but also Maddie's dreams too!"

Meredith chuckled and shook her head.

"Chill Izz, I'm not getting cold feet. I'm just in disbelief that this is actually happening. I mean a year ago, would you actually think that you would be planning MY wedding? Hell a year ago you hated me and didn't want anything to do with me. And now you're my wedding planner and Cristina is my maid of honor. It's just…surreal."

Izzie smiled.

"Yeah it is a bit surreal but enjoy the moment because what you and Derek have is nothing like him and Addison had." She then hugged Meredith, gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze and walked away.

Now Meredith was alone again-contemplating her future. So okay her and Derek get married and she becomes Maddie's new step-mom. From the past couple of months, it seems like there would be no problem with the transition for Maddie. She already knew what it was like to have two surgeons as parents so it was no big deal for her. The only difference was that she would actually like this mom (which is sad since Meredith wasn't even her biological mother). But what Meredith was trying to picture was 10 years from now. Maddie would have graduated high school and Derek would be chief of surgery (hopefully) while Meredith would be one of the foremost neurosurgeons in the country. But with Derek as chief, she was hoping that it wouldn't strain their relationship. Even though currently Burke and Cristina's marriage was going strong-that wasn't something that she wanted to base it off of. Both were highly competitive and workaholics. They were perfect for each other.

"Hey Mer…you do know that there are people out here waiting for you right?" asked Cristina as she squeezed through the tiny crack she left for herself and quietly closed the door behind her.

"Yes I know," Meredith said rolling her eyes.

"Okaaay, do you also know that you have a very nervous McDreamy waiting there wondering if you got cold feet?"

Meredith sighed and shook her head.

"I know! Okay, I know! And I'm not getting cold feet; it's just that I'm thinking. I haven't really gotten a chance to think about this until now! I just want to make sure that this is everything that it's supposed to be. That it's not some kind of joke or that Ashton Kutcher is going to jump out from that plant and tell me that I've been punk'd. I just want to know that this is actually my happy ever after that is happening."

Cristina smiled and rubbed Meredith' shoulder.

"It is. No one can be more perfect than you and McDreamy Mer. You've got Alex and George standing on the other side of Derek reassuring him that you will come down that aisle. You've got Izzie planning this god awful wedding that only she would like but you're too chicken to say anything to her so you just grit your teeth and let her do it, me telling you to get your ass down that aisle because if you don't I'm going to physically kick it all the way down there, and more importantly you've got a guy who loves you more than anything in the world standing at the end of the walkway waiting to spend the rest of his life with you. It's not a dream and it's not a fairytale. I'm not going to stand here and lie to you that it's all going to be perfect, but it's going to be pretty damn close. You're going to have your arguments and Maddie is going to test you, but it'll all be worth it. You don't get to run away again from him. Because this time…you've got witnesses."

Meredith laughed as she hugged Cristina.

"Thanks Cristina. You really are my person."

Cristina smile as she pulled away.

"And I was serious about kicking your ass every step of the way down that aisle."

Meredith rolled her eyes.

"I can't enter before my maid of honor."

Giving her one last hug, Cristina gave Meredith a wink and went back into the church.

This was it. In about 10 minutes Meredith was going to walk out of here Mrs. Derek Shepherd. Taking one last breath, Meredith reached out for the door handle and prepared to start a new chapter of her life.

---

"MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE?"

Derek was standing in the middle of the long white table at the front of the yard. They were located on his piece of land by the lake for the wedding reception. Everyone was enjoying their meal and talking amongst themselves.

"First I would like to thank all of you for coming out tonight. I never thought in a million years that I would have two weddings, but I can honestly say that I've never felt this way bout a woman before," He turned to Meredith and looked into her eyes. "When you left eight years ago, I thought you had walked out of my life forever. Not a day went by when I didn't think about you. My heart grieved for you and I felt like a zombie. I didn't want to work with any intern-I just wanted you. You gave me a new reason to get up and go to work every morning but when you left I wanted to die. I thought about hiring a PI to find you, but I knew that, that would just upset you. So I just prayed every night that I would find you. And I believe that Maddie's accident was the answer to my prayers. Not that I'm glad that she died, but I think the reason why she got in that accident was to bring you and I together. Everything happens for a reason and the moment that you walked into Seattle Grace for the first time in eight years, my heart stopped beating. I wanted to ask you to marry me right then but obviously that would be inappropriate. But I now believe it was worth the wait. What I'm trying to say is Meredith Grey-Shepherd I love you more than anything in the world and thank you for not only coming back into my life, but for giving my daughter a new mother."

Everything was quiet after Derek's speech. Every woman had tears running down their face (even Cristina). Derek sat down and lightly kissed Meredith on the lips.

"I-I don't k now what to say to that." she whispered.

Derek just smiled and kissed her again.

"Then don't. You said all you needed to this afternoon."

Meredith smiled and brushed away her tears.

"I'm sorry for leaving. I'll never do that again."

"Good because if you do, I'll send Izzie and Cristina after you."

"Izzie? What is she going to do bake me cookies?"

Derek laughed and shook his head.

"She grew up in a trailer park you know. I think she'd kick your ass harder than Cristina."

Now it was Meredith's turn to laugh.

"Yeah well, you won't have to worry about me running away anymore. I'm here to stay Derek Shepherd."

"You have no idea how happy that makes me feel."

The two newly weds leaned in and shared a deep, meaningful, passionate kiss.

"I love you Dr. Shepherd," whispered Meredith after they pulled away.

"I love you too Dr. Shepherd," Derek whispered back as he leaned in to share another kiss with his new wife.

**_It's a love story  
__Baby just say yes!_**

**_Author's Note: 1) I DO NOT OWN TAYLOR SWIFT OR HER SONGS!!! 2) well what did y'all think? I can't believe this is the last chapter. It feels like years ago I started this. Sadly this will probably my last Grey's stories for a while. I graduate high school in June (which is scary b/c i joined this website when i was going to be a sophmore in high school) and go on to college where my life will be consumed by that and golf. I will miss writing Grey's stories trust me. It's been fun and I can honsestly say I love y'all. I've met so many cool people from writing Grey's stories. It's been fun. 3) I like how i ended this. Okay it's short but I think we needed to see the internal conflict she has with herself and also what Derek was thinking and how much he really loves her. 4) My bestfriend she just got her frist real boyfriend so i dedicate this chapter to her. They're really cute together and idk...merder remind me of them (even though they're 18 and they haven't slep together AND he doesn't have a wife...and they haven't gotten tot hat stage of love yet) but just the cuteness lol. so yeah. _**

**_please let me know what y'all thought of this. As for replying to your reviews-i thank the last 3 ppl who reviewed. You are my loyal reviewers and i can ALWAYS coutn on you to review. i love see y'all review :D please keep in touch with me. and if you like my writing (idk y u would lol) check out .com I have 2 fics going there. I love ff but jbffa i can upload stories using their real names. I have 2 fics going there. so yeah...i'll miss all of y'all. please check out my myspace/facebook/twitter :D_**

**_myspace: /golfdork09_**

**_facebook: Meghan Musk (network-Health Careers High School)_**

**_twitter: mcgolfinjonas09_**

**_i would love to dicuss grey's episodes with y'all. and now the dreaded goodbye. i love y'all! :D_**


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